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My dear sweet 86 year old mother with Alzheimer's has been in hospice now for 7days 6 nights. I have been here every day and night and slept here every night, to be with her every moment that her heart is still beating. It is torture to watch her decline like this, no food or water for a week now. I have read what I can tolerate about how and when loved ones transition, and I have told my mom how much we all love her and it's ok to leave and go with God and the angels. But now I am getting angry at God for allowing this to linger on. Why won't he take her to heaven and stop this anguish? Hospice repositions her every 4 or 5 hours and gives pain medicine prior, but she still moans and cringes. How do I cope with this lingering pain of watching her face away? I pray, read the psalms and proverbs in the bible, hold her hand and talk to her, it's just so hard. Your wisdom and thoughts on this would be helpful and appreciated.

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Take more breaks. Visit her frequently, but leave often to talk to other people and, crucially, to eat and sleep properly. Ask a minister to come and pray with you. You need and are entitled to support through this ordeal, so ask for it. Don't make sacrifices that can't possibly benefit your mother; and have faith that God knows what He is about even when it makes no sense to us. Hugs to you, and I hope that your mother's suffering will soon come to a peaceful end.
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Dear countrymouse, thank you for your suggestions.i will definitely do more oc what you suggest. What if i take a break and then she passes away when i .m not here.? I dont want her to make the transition alone.
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Colorado, many, many folks have posted here that their loved one died when they left the room briefly to use the toilet, visit the chapel or just take a break. Some folks seem to want or need to make this transition in private, without an audience . And remember, they are really not alone, are they?
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I haven't gone through this but I've read plenty of posts here and elsewhere and talked to my friends about their vigils, and it seems that sometimes people actually wait to be alone; the moment their loved ones go to the washroom, get a meal or take a night off they slip away. My good friend had both her parents die without her, it almost seemed as though they wanted to spare her, or perhaps they needed privacy in that time.
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I'm afraid that possibility is another thing you have to leave in God's hands. Your mother knows you love her, and she will pass when she is ready: that won't necessarily be when you're watching, but she will be safe even if you're not there with her.
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Many hospice organizations have spiritual counsellors available for families. This good be a great help to you if available. Also, don't guilt yourself if you're not present the very moment your mother passes. It's impossible to predict when it will happen. You're doing the best anyone could do.
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Color I kept vigil with my Mom for days and days. When they first stopped giving her water or medication I assumed she would die almost immediately but she lingered for a while.

You have to take care of you. Your love for her is not something physical that will die. Its there and she feels it even if she can't express it to you. So go for that walk, take care of yourself and just be at peace. I know its hard to do but its for the best.
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Colorado, I have been in the exact same place as you with both of my parents, and as many people before have said, it is near impossible to predict just when your LO will take their last breath. Also, it is a difficult position to be in, especially if you are all alone. Definitely express your concerns to the Nurses, and the Chaplin, and they will help you through this. You have been stellar being by her side, and loving her through this, but it sounds as if she is Actively Dying,and in the same way as my Own Mom, no fluids, turning her, swabbing her mouth. You are doing everything Right! To be honest, it took my Mom, 9 days, and yes, it was agonizing. My Mom was unconscious the whole time, and in a round table conference with all of my siblings, the Dr's ,a Nurse and Social Worker, that as her body and especially her kidneys are shutting down, that there are chemical changes that take place, creating a Euphoria feeling, and No pain for her. That did make it easier to bare. We too, collectively took turns that she was never alone, but I often wonder if our parents wouldn't prefer to be alone during that time of passing to spare their children and LO the pain, but you need to do what is best for you. We were able to be there, all 6 of us, and I tell you honestly, it was a beautiful, painless and almost a Spiritual feeling to hold her as she entered the next realm of her life, to once again be with my Dad, who was waiting nearly, ready to lead her to Heaven. It is what She wanted, and it happened, and it was of course Sad but lovely at the same time. I do hope that you have someone with you, a Nurse or aide, you will know, and they are very good to make the necessary needs of the patient, comfortable and pain free. With both of my parents, their respirations slowed way down, and their heartbeats became slow and irregular until they no longer were. You could have been in the room and not even known. Remember that life has a beginning and an end, and that our Loved Ones are going on to a much more beautiful and wonderous place, and you will miss them, and that this is the circle of our lives. Your Mom would want you to feel peace in this. I hope and pray that it all goes as well as it did for our family, May God bless You. HUGS!
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Oh my how i cherish the words, experiences, and advice you all have expressed. You have no idea how valuable it is. My dear sweet mom transitioned tuesday night, and i.m grateful i was there at her side holding her hands and watching her every last breath. I was alone until her last breath and then i called for the nurse. It waa so terribly difficult but i am grateful for every minute and second i was with her. I know she is in peace now with no more pain and anguish from alzheimers. She will always be in my heart and soul. Thank you and blessi ngs to all of you
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I just remember the prayer, "thy will, not mine, be done. Amen"
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I just went through this with my family last week. We were fortunate to have several family members to help keep watch. We also hired a nurse to sit with her for a bit so we could so we could sleep/take a break or whatever. It was such a difficult time. Each breath at the end was a struggle. I am thankful she was medicated throughout. I was also glad to have hospice nurses to call and check on us daily as well. I wouldn't want to go through the process without help. My biggest fear was that she would be in pain and I think that's what hospice took care of.
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I hate to be so blunt, but dying is always tortuous to loved ones and there are no ways around it. The people who work with hospice can provide quality care and comfort for not only the patient but for the families. They have counselors, social workers, nurses and chaplains. The person who is at the end of life may want to have these services so that they know that the family they leave behind will be okay. In the end, that is all most dying people worry about.
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