My mother was recently moved to assisted living after sustaining a fall out of her wheel chair, and achieving a level of incapacity that exceeded the skills of the family member who was caring for her. Since going into the assisted living environment and following a hygiene and activity routine, my mother is thriving and is once again engaged and conversational. She is a type A extrovert and the new environment has been good for her.
Unfortunately, the family member in question feels inclined to disrupt the routine and take my mother out of the facility and back to her home for a two week visit.
How disruptive will this be to an elder with advance dementia, and will it just increase her level of uncertainty and confusion?
Regards,
Denise
So, don't feel bad or guilty if you have to question your sister about the two week visit. It really is not of any benefit to your mom at this time. Your mom will most likely become distressed and more confused. Sometimes a quick call or email to her doctor will help in asking, not in detail as they don't like to get involved in family issues, what is the doctor's opinion if she were to be taken from her AL for a two weeks to a family members home in another state? Then tell the doctor your reservations briefly.
Also, non knowing how you and your sister get along but tell her you would like to plan a family get together or reunion closer to mom in order for it to be easier for your mom both mentally and physically.
Also, the DPOA has say in this matter too.
I wish and pray for you and your mom!
@Hebnerde, I would just encourage you to be as diplomatic and constructive as possible, especially in talking with the family member who presumably is hoping to provide "a treat," as someone else put it.
This family member may indeed be trying to relieve guilt over the move to a facility, or just may not realize how disruptive a two-week visit is.
Emphasize to that person and to everyone else that your highest priority is to maintain the well-being and stability of your mother with dementia, and that the best way to do that is to maintain her living routine and not move her. You can say that you researched this, and everyone with experience was unanimous in advising against a short-term move.
If possible, express appreciation to the family member for wanting to spend time with this person with dementia (or otherwise wanting to do something nice for her), and try to find other ways this might be possible.
In short, do the right thing by your mom while being as constructive as you can. Good luck!
My vote is Don't Do It also. It's way to disruptive to acclimate them to the new surroundings then REacclimate them back to the AL.
My question is WHY does this family member want to bring her back home for such a long period of time? If the care was too much for her earlier, then won't it will still be too much?
Is it a plot to get her back into the home, hoping Mom will want to stay? Was this person getting paid to do her care? Is she missing the income?
Not a good idea.
All that changes in a different environment. The individual has to relearn safe navigation, different seating options, different kitchen and bathroom configurations. It's more than some people can handle.
I have grim experience of what happens when a family member thinks she's perfectly capable of providing effective care in spite of evidence to the contrary. And I'd add that that sort of family member, if the example holds good, is also the sort who pooh-poohs advice and ignores established routines.
One of two things will happen. 1. She'll get away with it and will believe she was right all along and may even seek to return your mother permanently to the home. 2. She won't get away with it, and it'll be your mother who pays the price of a broken hip, a rapid mental decline, or consequences of neglect such as fungal infections, pressure ulcers or a uti.
Do you have the authority to prevent this proposed visit?
While Mom is thriving where she is now she still needs a higher level of care than she did before the fall. You say that she was placed because of the higher level of care what has changed? You Mom will need more help getting up and down from a wheel chair or a regular chair, will need help getting in and out of bed. Is she incontinent? She will need to be changed and if she is using the toilet does this family member have a bathroom large enough and toilet high enough?
Changing the routine of a person with Dementia is difficult but not impossible. I think this is why the 2 weeks. It would take that long to get her adjusted and by the time she is adjusted she will be taken back? Then she will have another long adjustment time.
Some do better than others adjusting but it is difficult.
I would strongly discourage this.
Maybe talk to the Social Worker at the Assisted Living facility or the Director and they can help discourage this.
Good luck - I hope you are able to quash this rather bad idea of your family member.
You've got to put your foot down. Leave her be. If she is happy and settled,then that's a wonderful thing. To pull her away from that is just mean
Try and use all the influence you have to prevent this. Mom is happy and adjusted in the current situation don't run the risk of making her dementia worse with a visit such as this.
If she's taken out for 2 weeks, she has to readjust to a new environment, only to have a second adjustment when she returns to the facility.
Beyond this, I'm wondering why this family member wants to do this, and for 2 weeks specifically. Is this member thinking of using this as a trial to take her out of the facility completely? W/o insulting anyone, are there control and financial issues involved?
What could result is wandering; she might try to leave the house and find the facility, getting lost, possibly getting hurt, and definitely being in jeopardy physically, emotionally and mentally.
Perhaps you could talk to the staff on the physician level and ask them to explain how inappropriate and dangerous for her health this 2 week episode would be.