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Is there a certain type of counselor I would be better off seeing or is a social worker OK. I feel that my feelings are too intense and I am concerned about myself and the way that I feel. Thank you
Thank you all for your replies. I have an appointment this Tuesday with someone who is a Social Worker and she seemed very nice on the phone. I am going through some terrible emotions and really need to sort it all out. Hugs to you all.
I agree with the others you need someone you can work with I did well with a CSW and I do better with someone who helps with the present problems not what happen in childhood you will know soon if you are being help. One time I was very angery with what the counsuler said to me but in a few days I realized she was right and I was looking for others to rescue me and it was a real breakthrough for me and got me to the point where I could let others know what I needed and it made a big difference in my life-I do much better with a women counsuler than with a man and if one does not work out you can always change to another -good luck and this site is great bouncing ideas around this has help me so very much even though I am no longer a full time caregiver I have developed such friendships I still feel I get support here-it has been almost 3 months since my husband died and this site was such a Godsend for well over 2 yrs. and maybe I can help others somehow because sooner or later our caregiving will end-now I help my sister some with my Mom and am able to share her burden a little where I could not when I was the caregiver for my husband- I will never forget the great souls who were here for me during my darkest times-and it is open all night also if you need for someone just to listen-I could never get into journeling but alway felt better when I was able to get my feelings out here where others would be able to understand,
Dear AlzCaregiver - Yours is one of the rewards in heaven. Wouldn't it be nice to have some of the feeling now! I am sorry about your sisters. Tough as it has been on you, it shows that you have the strength that they lack. There's an old song "She is more to be pitied than censored". . . seems to fit here. You are already strong. I hope you can soon concentrate on the admirable job you did.
Consider yourself lucky that you care enough to be concerned and upset. Two deadbeat sisters couldn't care less at Mom's decline, and I've picked up clues that her demise hasn't happened quick enough. And guess who's to blame? Her caregiver who gives good care. They could have claimed some decency and said, "oh dear, how can I help..." This experience really separates the wheat from the chaff. Another sister actually did rise from the muck and start to pitch in as did a few nieces. I'm too busy strengthening what's left to grieve for what has been lost.
i myself went to a psychologost and I also went to the New York fire dept councselors for support, since my uncle is a retired NY fire capt. the fire dept helped a lot since I am his next of kin. I needed the help for him and also mom she has alzheimer's/ When Ii went to the psycholiogost for support through my husbands company she went back into my pass not all the stress I was going through now. I called the 24/7 Alzheimer's support line and they gave me a exccellent support group near by the house that is helping me. Also by going on this web site it helps alot. bless you. I know the stress you are going through. It has been almost 9 years for me. I brought mom from New York to Florida to live with us, not knowing how bad her illness is. She is now in Tampa General hospital going fast. patricia61
Some counselors now employ EMDR, which was originally developed to treat soldiers returning from war with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and has now been extended into other areas. It enables you to focus on particular fears and worries and helps by minimizing their impact in your life. I know someone who used it and benefitted greatly from it. Check it out and decide for yourself.
There are counsellors who specialize in geriatrics and aging issues. I know because I am one. It can be helpful to speak with such a person, especially if you are just beginning your research. However, I agree with Linda - the most important thing is that you feel comfortable with the person. Sometimes talking it out helps us find solutions, as it did for Linda. And sometimes we have to learn how to accept what is. But you can definitely lessen the heartache as you go through each day.
dear September21, sorry, forgot to mention -- you asked if it makes a difference whether you go to a psychologist or a social worker. For me, what made the MOST difference (whether a psychologist or a social worker) was whether I got along with that person, felt like they really understood what I was saying, and we were on the same "wavelength." With those things, the rest of the counseling turned out more positive. I only go as needed, usually when there is a flare up of my extreme frustration or other very strong emotion that I just can't get rid of. Then I need another brain to help me figure out some new ideas. So, I might go 3 or 4 times, until things settle down, till I try a few new ideas, till my strong emotion is down to a dull roar, and till my life is a bit calmer. Then I just take one day at a time again. Hope this helps.
dear September 21, I went to counseling, too. It helped, to a point. I also started a journal of my daily attempts to share my true feelings with my mother (actually, that helped me to express my concern and frustration with her that she was not taking more responsibiltiy for her own health in a way that she can do). She is still able to think, but had flipped into denial and helplessness when she had to start going to a cardiologist. It turns out that she was scared to death, thinking that since she had to go to him she must be dying soon. Once I knew that, I was able to help her get rid of that notion. Once she knew that she wasn't going to immediately die, she started to do a little more for herself (that she can realistically do, at this age), and just that little bit has really meant a lot to me. I don't feel as though I am completely swamped. Just seeing her try to take the initiative to do things, has encouraged me. I'm also on antidepressants -- and although it took a while for them to work, they "take the edge off" of all the stess and depression in my life. I can cope much better. Hope this feedback from my situation helped you. Hang in there!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Yours is one of the rewards in heaven. Wouldn't it be nice to have some of the feeling now! I am sorry about your sisters. Tough as it has been on you, it shows that you have the strength that they lack. There's an old song "She is more to be pitied than censored". . . seems to fit here.
You are already strong. I hope you can soon concentrate on the
admirable job you did.
I'm too busy strengthening what's left to grieve for what has been lost.
sorry, forgot to mention -- you asked if it makes a difference whether you go to a psychologist or a social worker. For me, what made the MOST difference (whether a psychologist or a social worker) was whether I got along with that person, felt like they really understood what I was saying, and we were on the same "wavelength." With those things, the rest of the counseling turned out more positive. I only go as needed, usually when there is a flare up of my extreme frustration or other very strong emotion that I just can't get rid of. Then I need another brain to help me figure out some new ideas. So, I might go 3 or 4 times, until things settle down, till I try a few new ideas, till my strong emotion is down to a dull roar, and till my life is a bit calmer. Then I just take one day at a time again. Hope this helps.
I went to counseling, too. It helped, to a point.
I also started a journal of my daily attempts to share my true feelings with my mother (actually, that helped me to express my concern and frustration with her that she was not taking more responsibiltiy for her own health in a way that she can do). She is still able to think, but had flipped into denial and helplessness when she had to start going to a cardiologist. It turns out that she was scared to death, thinking that since she had to go to him she must be dying soon. Once I knew that, I was able to help her get rid of that notion. Once she knew that she wasn't going to immediately die, she started to do a little more for herself (that she can realistically do, at this age), and just that little bit has really meant a lot to me. I don't feel as though I am completely swamped. Just seeing her try to take the initiative to do things, has encouraged me.
I'm also on antidepressants -- and although it took a while for them to work, they "take the edge off" of all the stess and depression in my life. I can cope much better. Hope this feedback from my situation helped you. Hang in there!