My dad and Charlotte have been together for about 35 years. They have never married. They live together and she has been there for him every step of the way as his health issues mounted. Heart issues, a serious stroke, and late onset Parkinsons to name a few.
He owns a house in Pennsylvania in 12 acres worth around 150k. It's been in the family since 1993. 7 years ago he put it in an irrevocable trust for his 4 children. My sister Christine is the POA. 6 months ago Charlotte announced in a text that "it's time to sell the house because her and my dad have no use for it anymore." We love Charlotte and she's been an angel for our dad taking care of his every need. That being said she is a bully and it's her way or the highway. My dad receives about 6k a month between SS and his pension check. We never seriously looked into where that money went every month because she took care of him and also it was probably none of our business. The 4 of us were busy with our families and our own "stuff."
I mentioned to Charlotte that selling the house is not her decision it's the decision of the trust as far a I know. After some back and forth she says she is not paying the expenses on the house any more. Notice she says she not we her and my dad. Myself and my siblings would rather not sell. We still enjoy it with our kids many times a year. According to what the trust says my dad is responsible for expenses and upkeep until he passes or the house is sold. We checked with the lawyer and that is the case. Our dad did this for us out of the goodness of his heart. In fact it's one of the few things he has done for us.
It seems to us that she is trying to control and or sabotage the one thing he's given to us. Does she have any say at all as to when this house gets sold or whether or not my dad continues to pay expense and upkeep? I'm furious and let her know in no uncertain terms. My brother could care less and my sisters are also upset. Where do we go with this? Charlotte says she spoke to our dad and he agrees on selling g it and not paying the expenses any more. The expenses amount to about $500 a month. A: we don't know if she actually spoke to him. B: we don't know if he's capable of understanding whats going on. C: we don't know if she is threatening him to agree with her. When I mentioned to her that she always texts or says I not we she says its because he's not capable of fully understanding what's going on. In the next sentence she says she ran it by him and he agrees with her. Can't have it both ways either he DOES understand and agrees with her or he DOESN'T and she's full of crap saying he does. Please advise. thank you.
If the $500 a month is the only issue about the house, would each of you kids be willing to pay $125/month to keep it in the family? Your dad has no further use for it; maybe those who do should pick up the costs.
But it may well be the $150,000 they want. Chronic health problems at the end of life can be EXTREMELY expensive! He sure wouldn't be the first parent who intended to leave something for his children and who was not in fact able to do that, because of healthcare expenses. Could you and your sibs buy this property?
How much involvement has POA Christine had in managing financial affairs?
Have you discussed with the lawyer what your options are at this point?
Not to be judgmental, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve been very involved with Dad and Charlotte to the extent that you have a good knowledge of where his money has gone and for what, not to mention what caring for him for all those years must have been like for Charlotte. You insinuate that you don’t know where his money has gone and maybe Charlotte has done something untoward with it. You’ll need proof. Does your sister with the POA know what his expenses are, if he has any savings, etc.? When I was POA for my mom, I had to account for every penny, before and after her death, receipts and all. Or, is your sister content to let Charlotte handle all this and be POA in name only.
Instead of guesses, suspicions, accusations and hurt feelings that could blow up into full-scale war if left to fester, call a family meeting at the attorney’s office. Charlotte needs to be there. And, so does your father if he’s able. And of course Sister with the POA. You also don’t seem very cognizant of Dad’s mental state. You take Charlotte’s word for things but then doubt that word. You need to have a family meeting with the attorney as a moderator and referee if needed.
If it was me, I'd talk to my siblings and those of you who want to keep the place, I'd split the yearly costs with them and assume them going forward. Your dad is giving you a gift of the property. I wouldn't start a war over the yearly upkeep costs.
I'd also try to spend some time with my dad in his final years. The time I spent with my mom and dad was a blessing to me. I hope you don't lose that opportunity. Focus on your dad and not on the property.
Why should you split expenses until it sells? Don't the terms call for your dad to pay them until it is sold?
It may be that the trust commits your father to this spending. I glean from your rather hurt-sounding comment that it is one of the few things he has ever done for you that you are indeed feeling upset and angry about this disagreement, rather than its being a serious summary of his merits as a father?
Do you and any siblings you can persuade to take an interest in the matter really feel that you should hold your father to this obligation? What about taking over the house altogether and splitting the upkeep among you, instead?
Fredmund, is this the second time you've posted on this same topic, same issue? Or am I really losing my mind?
JoAnn, you are right that an irrevocable trust can't be changed. I don't know about Medicaid applications, but it can be irrevocable for other reasons as well.
So, if that is also part of the trust's terms and the trust can't be varied, what would happen if father simply didn't have the money to pay?
So to me, irrevokable means the trust cannot be revoked. It was set up that way for a reason. Maybe at the time he and GF hadn't been together that long and he wanted to protect that part of his estate, just in case. Well now, don't think he can go back on the deal. I would first find out if Dad keeping up the place is now causing money problems. If so, then maybe splitting cost between those benefiting from the trust is a good idea.
It seems that the children were happy enough that Charlotte was taking care of their dad - for 30 years. To me, that means that she has some real "sweat equity" in this situation and it is unreasonable and mean for the kids to take the attitude that she should have no "power" or say in the situation.