My father had a kidney stone two months ago and had a procedure to have it removed. After the procedure, he's been told over and over by everyone that he needs to drink fluids, but he refuses. He has been sent back to the hospital several times for dehydration. I am at a loss at what to do. I can't make him drink fluids, and he just lies in bed all day, and won't even take a shower. He is already on medication for depression. My siblings and I are just so tired of trying to get him to do the things he needs to do to take care of himself. I feel so guilty, because I want to give up on him. We use so much energy trying to talk to him and get him to do things, and he won't do anything for himself. All three of us have "caregiver burnout."
Is he a widower? If so, for how long?
I think your fluctuating feelings about this are normal and to be expected. Keep reminding yourself that this is not your fault, you are doing the best you can to deal with it, and try to give up the guilt.
Another possibility with the fluids is that he is coughing and choking or having a hard time swallowing. so he just avoids the problem, and that can be evaluated medically and all options considered.
As hard as this is, you may realize the problem is you are hitting your head on a wall that is not going to budge and a totally different approach is going to be needed not because dad is just acting bad but because he needs a lot more help. Sorry you are facing this, it is hard, and it is sad, but dad needs others to take over the things he can't do.
Soiling oneself and not taking care of it kind of crosses the line as far as crisis point. Surely he took care of that himself in the past and did not depend on his late wife for it...
I am so thankful that my dad passed away before my mom, because I'd be right where you are if mom went first. My dad was lazy with a capital L. He was a very smart man, but wouldn't lift a finger to do for himself. He expected my mom or me to do it for him. If you get your dad checked out and things are OK, I think it's time for some kind of assisted living if you can find a decent facility. If he won't do for himself, let someone else do for him and pay for it.
f he has LTC insurance, it might include at-home care. If someone came in to get his pills down him and set up meals and clean up his accidents, he might perk up a little, just for the company. Take him on a visit to a facility. Some of them are nice enough that I want to move in! Not all, but many people report that their parents come back to life in an ALF.
Does Mom like fruit? That is a good way to get additional fluid -- watermelon, peaches, grapes, oranges, pineapple, just about any fruit will help with hydration, fresh frozen, or canned. Does she like milk-shakes/smoothies? Could she use the extra calories/nutrition from these items? Does the ALF serve soup often? Does she eat that?
She doesn't need to get all her fluid by drinking water. In fact, if she is drinking 4 cups of water a day, that is about 3.5 cups more than my mother gets! My mom drinks coffee, tea, eats soups, loves fruit, and generally gets much of her fluid from food.
If your mother is showing symptoms you've associated with dehydration in the past, perhaps having her checked by the ALF's nurse would be a good idea. Maybe those symptoms are about dehydration, and maybe something else is going on.
Good luck! Come back and let us know how this works out!
2 packages of jello
1 package frozen fruit that has been pulverized by my NINJA (like for snow cones)
1 cup greek yogurt
3 TB chia seeds.
I use two cups boiling water to disolve the jello and then add the chia seeds and yogurt using a hand mixer. Then I add the crushed fruit and stir it all together. Once chilled this is a very nice combo and my father loves this.
Because chia seeds absorb thirty times their weight in water, they help regulate body fluid levels and retain electrolytes, both key in the battle against dehydration. For long workouts in high heat and humidity, chia seeds are a handy way to prolong hydration. (http://www.fleetfeetstlouis.com/news/chia-seeds)
I figure if it can help those in sports, then it can help my father. Since he also prefers pureed carrots, zucchini and other veggies, these also could be added in a jello combo. Here is a list of high water fruit and veggies from SFGate (http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/list-fruits-vegetable-high-water-content-8958.html)
High Water Content Fruits
Watermelon and strawberries contain about 92 percent water per volume. Other fruits with high water content include grapefruit with 91 percent, cantaloupe with 90 percent and peaches with 88 percent water. Fruits containing 87 percent water by weight include pineapple, cranberries, orange and raspberries. Apricots hold 86 percent water, while blueberries and plums contain 85 percent water. The water content for apples and pears is 84 percent. Cherries and grapes contain an average of 81 percent water. And, a banana’s composition includes 74 percent water.
High Water Content Vegetables
On top of the vegetables list are cucumber and lettuce, consisting of 96 percent water. Zucchini, radish and celery are comprised of 95 percent water. Ninety-four percent of tomato's weight is water, and green cabbage is 93 percent water. Vegetables that contain 92 percent water include cauliflower, eggplant, red cabbage, peppers and spinach. Broccoli is 91 percent water by weight. Additional healthy hydrating foods include carrots with 87 percent water and green peas and white potatoes with 79 percent water.
It sounds like you are doing everything you can to help your dad. And I know its hard when our parents won't cooperate with us. I wonder if there is an underlying reason that we just don't know yet about why he doesn't want to drink more water. I wonder if the doctor can do a further evaluation.
I didn't know this but when my dad decided to stop eating and drinking as much it was a sign of heart failure. And he was dying.
As a last resort maybe get him to the hospital to be given fluids through an IV. There is something going of on and I hope you can find out what it is. Thinking of you.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/hydration-tips-for-seniors-205594.htm