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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Is the only television in your father's bedroom? I don't understand why he wants to control whether you watch tv or not. Can you explain this situation a little more?
The TV is in my bedroom not in my father's. He comes into my bedroom and starts yelling at me, shouting "Throw it out the window, I''ll pay you!." He said it's brainwashing and is bad to watch, a bad influence. He thinks I am still a child. I am working and 45 years old. He won't even allow a radio in the house. The TV is it amy only company. He yells at me for watching the TV day or evening. He can sit and stare at the walls all day and I am expected to do the same -why?
Close and lock your door. Your room is YOUR room. His room is HIS room. Is this the only tv in the house? If not, turn on the other tv and wait and see your father begin to watch it.
Whoa ... there need to be some boundaries set in this household if you and Dad are going to co-exist successfully.
If your television is loud enough to be heard in his room, consider using a wireless headset. That would be polite. But you are under no obligation to pay any attention to his "demands" about what you do.
has youre dad allways been against t.v& listening to the radio? as you are working you obviously don't care for him full-time, why not rent a place nearby if you don't own this home? tell him you will still visit, but you can no longer live like this.you say your"e father still looks on you as a child, obviously something is wrong when you are 45yrs old. telling him you are thinking of moving, tell him this is no way life should be, what does he do when you are at work? who makes his meals, when he lies in bed all-day? have you any other family you could stay with? if you care for youre father part- time, you can still do this without being restricted to his rules, or his house, by having a place of youre own to do as you please, maybe it is his way of thinking of you getting a life, by moving out without saying so in so many words.you will see by his reaction by telling him it is time for you to move, if its youre house tell him you will do as you please, you are not a child.or find him alternative accommodation, this is no life for you, sorry for being harsh. but this is worst than a prison you are living in, (get out) if he wants to look at the walls all day it is his choice.dont feel guilty you have a life too.all the best.
Redhead, try getting a computer and just watching the shows online with a headset so he will think you are working on something. You can't just stare at him or at the walls all day, but neither are you likely to convince him of anything rationally. He probably can't make sense of what is going on but does not think the problem is with him, so he is angry at the TV. Can he go to a senior tenter at all and give you a little time to be you??
@shakingdustoff...haven't you ever watched EWTN? Methinks you are throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I do not watch much at all, but every now and again there is something worthwhile. Books and crosswords are better most of the time, I'll grant you that!
Call the Midwife, Mr. Selfridge, & Downton Abbey aren't smut or trash. Neither is Planet Earth! But I know you can buy smut & trash from Amazon in soft cover form. :-D I think his rage at the TV is really about something else.
I see a lot of people on this site who have an elder who has lost touch with others, friends, the community, and is basically home alone all the time. I agree with the suggestion to find a day program for him to go into, to occupy his mind and give his week some variety.
Redhead, I know I've seen posts from you for the last year or maybe longer, but I don't really know you situation. Why are you living in your Dad's home? Your profile mentions your mother. Has she died?
I'm sorry you are having a miserable time of it. We'd like to understand the situation better.
Shakingdustoff...I would never suggest even to a fellow Catholic to accept everything on EWTN OR anywhere else but the Gospel itself as the Gospel truth! Don't worry so about the things you can't control, create peace and practice love wherever you can...I'm sure that's all Papa Francis "worries" about these days. Whether we live or die, we are the Lord's. Good news about Mom and you getting to a better place here and now (or at least soon). These are either end times or they aren't - after all, we were promised wars and rumors of wars always. But, if they are, we might as well be found doing our duty and our best; if they aren't, there's a lot of work to be done and we'd best be doing it..."in the world, though not OF it."
Really??? I can't believe these so called "helpful" comments. You should be able to watch ANYTHING you want on TV. I don't know what the situation is and it doesn't even matter. He is totally irrational and paranoid. You need to find out if something is wrong with your father or not. If there is, get it treated and make the decision to be the caregiver, or not. If not, get away from him. Life is tooooooo short. If you decide to stay, maybe music (not from a radio and from his time period) might help him be distracted from worrying about what you are doing. Good Luck!
Good heavens @shakingdustoff! Haven't you ever given PBS a chance? Call the Midwife? There are lots and lots of "good" shows on tv, from pure fluff entertainment (The Middle for example) to historical fiction (Reign) to fantasy (Game of Thrones) and everything in between. Just because you don't like tv doesn't mean others can't or shouldn't. There are well written books and badly written books too, smut in books or incredible literature--just like tv! I happen to enjoy relaxing and unwinding with tv after work too. As for radio, music transports this soul and a life w/o music to me is not a full life in my opinion.
The only thing about the advice about getting a laptop is that if her dad is anything like my parents, they don't respect computer time either. I had a part time online job that I had to put on hiatus because my parents totally didn't understand that working online is real work. I move out in 2 weeks so I can resume my job again but I had to give up alot to co-exist in their house to help care for my mom.
Redhead, you have my sympathy! I have a very controlling, critical Alz mom who also stares at the walls nearly all day (I'm guessing because she can't follow tv show story lines anymore and its frustrating) and she also tried to control every aspect of my off hours life. My only solution was to find a place to live nearby for my sanity. Perhaps you can do that too. Hugs to you in the meantime!
Redhead, I think your real problem is needing personal space. If you live with dad to take care of him, maybe you can retrain him to not enter your room. Sounds like he is fixated on the TV. sounds like he is fixated on telling you what to do. Good luck.
I'm not sure of your situation but living in the same household is not a good idea. At his age, he should be with people his age and you might find him happier that way. I would recommend an assisted living facility for him. If he is a veteran, he is entitled to financial help.
I am surprised at the answers. My mother has Alzheimer's and all she ever wants to do other than eat or go to the bathroom is lie in bed. She goes in a rage if my 90 year old father wants to watch tv (the news or an occasional baseball game). She used to be that way if he'd turn it off and go on the computer. Now it's even if he wants to read. She wants to do nothing, but goes crazy if he wants to do anything. I do not live there, but have seen her reaction when I have been there. I can't help but feel the person who posted this may be experiencing the same thing. It's not about her watching tv. It's about his reaction.
So I watch tv. Nothing wrong with that.What is your living arrangement.... that you're kinda old to be living at home, and your dad is kind of crazy....? Do you care for him? Would you consider talking to medical his care provider re these outbursts? I want to know more!
Maybe your Dad is lonely, lying alone in bed all day. Why don't you invite him to join you in watching some of your favorite shows on television and see what he says? Is his eyesight still good? Maybe you can get him some magazines or books to read while you're busy watching your television. Or are there other problems you haven't gone into and the teepee stuff is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Is your Mother still alive? Are the any Senior Citizen centers near your home where your father might be happy for a few hours. I grew up watching television with my Father. I learned more about plot and pace of episodic television than I could've at school! I sure do miss him and wish he would've lived to 86. My Mother's 86 and she is pretty far along in her dementia and honestly I don't think she knows I'm her daughter any more. Try to make peace with your Dad. I bet it's possible.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your television is loud enough to be heard in his room, consider using a wireless headset. That would be polite. But you are under no obligation to pay any attention to his "demands" about what you do.
I see a lot of people on this site who have an elder who has lost touch with others, friends, the community, and is basically home alone all the time. I agree with the suggestion to find a day program for him to go into, to occupy his mind and give his week some variety.
I'm sorry you are having a miserable time of it. We'd like to understand the situation better.
The only thing about the advice about getting a laptop is that if her dad is anything like my parents, they don't respect computer time either. I had a part time online job that I had to put on hiatus because my parents totally didn't understand that working online is real work. I move out in 2 weeks so I can resume my job again but I had to give up alot to co-exist in their house to help care for my mom.
Redhead, you have my sympathy! I have a very controlling, critical Alz mom who also stares at the walls nearly all day (I'm guessing because she can't follow tv show story lines anymore and its frustrating) and she also tried to control every aspect of my off hours life. My only solution was to find a place to live nearby for my sanity. Perhaps you can do that too. Hugs to you in the meantime!
Sounds like he is fixated on the TV. sounds like he is fixated on telling you what to do. Good luck.