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i have distanced for a long while and it is so wonderful
I am still detached and it's good but
we went over for christmas and brought him food because he is my "father" the place reeked
I left before I puked
long time passed I didn't contact him except to call and see if he was still alive
he can't even figure out his phone
his tenant called me days later and said her place smelled of crap and I told her to talk to him, she said that house will be yours someday (ugh) and I should talk to him
I didn't
it's been peaceful that was months ago now he calls me I said what do you want, he only calls when he wants something and asks how to hire some way to fumigate (not the correct term I found that out) his house
he decided it was because his toilet didn't flush the whole way
biohazard people said to call a plumber because he was convinced his pipes were clogged
his cleaning person who is a saint found filthy towels under his bed and in the corners of his bedroom and he said he was washing his pants in the toilet because they were too dirty for the machine
and that should assuage the tenant
and then he asked how I was doing
NOT
stupid he is dead to me he makes me sick

Find Care & Housing
He is going to a gastroenterologist tomorrow and supposedly the cleaning person got rid of some stuff and that may have solved the problem

Whatever the case is I am done. he begged me to help him with his bills (he is good at manipulating) I asked if he would let me set up auto payments he said no

this is SO old. I said forget it then

Thank you all so much this place is so helpful
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Reply to mary543
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You don't have to take an inheritance. With my Mom, my brother inherited the house but did not want it so it went back into the estate. He had to sign some papers for the lawyer to do this. Lawyer fees come out of the estate.

You are doing what is best for you. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. If APS won't or can't do anything, there are records you contacted them and they found he needed no help. You have done ENOUGH!
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I really didn't want to post this but I was at my wits end

I appreciate your replies and he and his tenant and my sister are blocked

feel a little alone I lost 2 friend because of this, one I was the closest to passed away
they didn't want to hear it anymore and I don't blame them

today I am done no calls and blocking both of their numbers

I can't even believe I am still putting up with this

thank you all
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Goddatter 16 hours ago
A brave step, well done. If I may suggest a new step or direction for you to take now, find something for your life to fill the gap all this has been taking.

You will be spending some time fuming about it all, and wondering if you did the right thing. I think that is inevitable for any caring, involved person. Try to focus on something new, something bright and positive, instead. Is there a community center activity you might find interesting to join? Exercise classes. Hobby activities. A volunteer role at something that interests you. A church group. Anything you’ve put off while being involved in *all this*.

And don’t be a stranger here! People here know you, and will value your input based on your extensive experience.
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Mary, just block his number and forget about him. Literally, just forget about him. And you can't force your sister to get involved either, so just forget about her too. If he dies, someone will notify you. And if they try to force you to take the house, as an inheritance, you can say no thank you, I disclaim the inheritance. Go back to that lovely peaceful state of mind, free of all this, that you deserve.
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Reply to MG8522
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Try the health department. Tell them this man cannot continue to live like this. You can no longer help him because he won't let you help. You have no power and want no power. He needs to be placed.
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He also refused to deal with power of attorney and I do NOT want to try guardianship.

He is also hateful and mean I just want it to go away.

Maybe I'll change my number at this point
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Slartibartfast Feb 18, 2026
Mary I would go ahead and do just that. Or if it's a hassle you can certainly block him. I'm so sorry you're in this position.
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I couldn't figure out how to post anywhere else other than under questions
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Goodness!

“…that house will be yours someday…” You do not have to accept an inheritance like that. Keep that in mind!

Ditto to what Sandra2424 said about reporting to appropriate authorities for the tenant’s sake, and have that phone number handy to give to the tenant to also report issues for herself, for her own sake.
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mary543 Feb 18, 2026
I have called APS and they can't do anything if he doesn't cooperate. They don't "take over" in my state.

I have also talked to social services and the police have gone over for wellness checks at least 4 times so far.

They all say as long as he's cognizant which doctors say he is, it's his right to live in filth

Police said it isn't bad enough for the health department to step in

Tenant has called social services and has spoken to him many times. She isn't afraid of him at all

I guess I could try the health department at this point but the police did say they had seen worse

Maybe I'll call anyway, maybe I won't I am so angry and disgusted

This sucks so bad and it's so easily fixed it's just pure stupidity and selfishness.

every time the phone rings I yell leave me alone 😔
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He has a tenant? I know you are not responsible, but you need to report for the tenant's sake. You said it is a woman and she is probably unsafe standing up to your father. Call APS for both of them and report this to a local tenants' bureau. She could use some help from social services. She is an innocent victim. Please report this for her sake.
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Try praying not just for your Dad, but for your own hard heart. Every morning ask for the energy, endurance, wisdom and patience that you'll need for that day. God will help you get through this season of your life.
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This is tragically sad. No human should live this way. I understand your distancing yourself after so much trauma. We can only hope the authorities will step in, wish the cleaning person would have called the police or APS for a wellness check
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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This is a terrible story, and I'm sorry you are going through this over and over again. I can understand that it's your dad, so you feel concerned for him but once again, we find ourselves looking at a problem around personal liberty and safety. I've read many of your posts and it's quite sad that your family doesn't want your help but really needs it.

I guess there's not much we can do but sympathize with you and hope for the best for you and for your dad, as stubborn as he is.
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Reply to SamTheManager
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Wow, this is terrible. I’m so sorry. 😞
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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no I won't delete it I am mad and tired

I want my sister to be involved

otoh he may be just a bad person
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I am going to have to delete this too much information even too much for me
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