My mother has become extremely petulant. If she does not get 100 percent of my attention, she tries everything from rummaging in closets to saying she is sick, she has been home the past two days from Adult Center because she said she was not feeling well, but she is fine, a bit of gas perhaps, but other than that she is incredibly nastier than usual. She is doing very strange things but it is put on, she pretends to sleep and when she thinks I am gone will peek out for me, she will run down the hall if she sees me. This is the wacko behavior that I worry about since she said to me the other day if I don't sit with her she will tell them at Adult Center I am not feeding her. I am so done with all of this, stick a fork in me.
You need to sit down with your Mom and tell her to stop it. Learn to walk away. Ignore her nasty attacks. You could also begin to take videos/pictures of her eating to document that she is in fact eating.
Her behavior hurts you, because she is your mother. Can you look at her as if she were a stranger? In that case, you would be able to let her remarks bounce off you.
If I were in your situation, I think I would try medicating her, and if that didn't work, placing her in a NH. It doesn't do you any good to hate her, as anyone would in your position, and it doesn't do her any good to act so hatefully. If medication doesn't help, try very hard to get her out of your house.
my mom would get them with no real complaint of pain on urination either! she would also get crazy when she had a cellulitis (skin/soft tissue infection)
Somethings the shrink taught me. Disengage, step back, stop trying to make an impossible situation better. Instead embrace the craziness, set realistic goals, such as keeping her safe and warm. You can't make her sane again. You can't wave a magic wand and make her thirty again. Stop beating yourself up.
I am tired, if this sounds harsh, it is not my intention. In this situation, you have the power. She needs you; not the other way around. Emotional blackmail only works, if you give in to it. Try this next time. do this with humor. give her a hug; look her right in the eye next time she blackmails you into submitting with threats of neglect, and say " okay" then walk away. You can't change her, but you can change your response to her manipulations.
Can you take an "Alice in Wonderland" approach to the problem, detached amusement at the craziness, or maybe Dorothy's approach in "Wizard of Oz" awestruck wonder " people come and go so quickly here." You've been transported to another world. Maybe humming 'follow the yellow brick road" to yourself to make you laugh, and step back from the craziness.
I am worried about you. From your posts you sound at the breaking point. Dementia is uncurable. One person can't do this alone. Have you thought about putting her in a nursing home?
Try asking her doc about about putting her on Paxil or another anti anxiety drug and when you get a chance, try Sam's Club to stock up on cheap toilet paper, an stock the bathroom she uses with it.
I do wish you the best.
My mother doesn't voice her fears, but I know she is a chronic worrier. She has an anxiety disorder -- always has. She is afraid people will notice she is not acting right, so she avoids them. She is afraid that something will happen to me, so she irritates me with her concerns. She is afraid of being embarrassed by having an accident, but she won't wear protective undergarments, opting instead to go to the bathroom a lot. I have a feeling much of her life is lived in fear now. It may be why she enjoys losing herself in her TV so much.
You mentioned that you are in Ireland but did not say north or south, but to every one on this site the medical care is very different from the US. others have mentioned a UTI or other infection. Frequent bathroom runs can be a sign of diabetes but more likely an old lady's insecurity - part of the loosing control of body and mind. Some kind of medication intervention would help you both. Extreme care has to be taken with the doseage in the elderly. As the liver and kidneys age they work less efficiently so the dose needs to be lower. Is she appropriate for any anti dementia medications. If seroquil worked in the past that may be a good choice, she does not need to be given such a large dose as to make her a zombie. Hopefully her MD will be co-operative with this approach. As you know there are no easy answers so hang in there my friend