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Madeaa, It sounds like you need some relief for a while. I was ready to lose my mind as a 24/7 caregiver for my Mom so I managed to go on a 2 week vacation which renewed me body, mind and spirit to come back and resume my care giving.

I have seen my Mom pull some odd behaviors that honestly made me wonder if she was really ill or just putting on. What I came to realize it that the odd behavior is all part of the disease. What does worry me is when they begin to threaten you that "If you don't do this.....I am going to tell whomever...you are not feeding me or being nice to me etc. That would be horrible to have happen and what is worse is she could cause so many problems potentially for you if anyone believed what she said. To her it is a game, like a child plays but it could have horrible consequences.

You really need a break Madeaa. I can't even say to you...talk to her, because if she is like my Mom, she will not remember what you said in 15 minutes. If there is ANY possible way of leaving for a time to relax, please do it.

Go Bless You!
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My mother recently broke her hip. It is a blessing in disguise. She is in rehab and will go to assisted living . That is the goal. It will allow me to be her daughter again and not her caretaker. I have cared for her in my home for 8 years. During that time I watched her normally narcissistic personality fragment into dementia. But it was gradual. The anesthesia does a number on the elder brain. The gradual descent became a free fall. Her short term memory is gone. Although I visit for hours every day she does not remember the following day. But that too is a blessing. The next day she does not remember her rants and raves. We start the day fresh each day. A bit of advice because that is shay we all need. Get your mom on meds for depression and anxiety. She will eat and dress and cooperate for others, but not for you. You need to either bring in help or get her where she can get help. If she is the spouse of a veteran the federal government will pay up to 1500 a month for either. Assisted living is great but a parent must be cooperative, somewhat ambulatory, and eat. Having someone other than yourself working with your parent can help modify their behavior to prepare them for assisted Iiving. If a parents income is exhausted you can get Medicare to partially pay as well. If it is not exhausted their are ways to put their money into a trust. Try to get a power of attorney while they are cooperative. If you have to go to court it is very expensive. I was able to get control of my mothers finances early on so I could secure her income for assisted living. Once your parents are in a facility they cannot leave if you are their legal guardian. All NH or AL will have such forms for you to fill out. Bring personal items every day to talk with them about. Bring a newspaper and picture magazines even if they don't read. It will give them some control. Bring food treats but check with dietary first. Bring pictures, flowers and a cell phone. Most places will not allow cell phones so bring yours to let them talk to family and friend when they are cooperative. If they become abusive on the phone exit as quickly and pleasantly as possible. You must save yourself and your spouse. Your parent is never going to get better so get a plan.
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Williasa, I am in Ireland, not USA and I am not married. It is a different socialized system here, no assisted living, just nursing homes. She is not at the stage for a nursing home, she is healthy, and very active, she can run rings around me I have ankle osteoarthritis. She turned 85 the other day and she looks splendid, I am affirmed by the people at the day center that I am taking good care of her. I do not want to medicate her at this time, she does very well when she is out and about, she does not do well when she stays in the house and watches tv all day. She craves craves attention, after all it really is all about her. She wore me out today, I took her to the hairdresser, Post Office, stores. I wish it were me getting my hair done LOL, she is off for the next week till the 19th of August, the day center bus is more off than on. The thing is when I have no break from her it becomes too much, she is very clingy. We had some bad news about her sister in England having terminal bowel and liver cancer, so I have been helping my uncle also. It is not easy, yes Raven, I would love a vacation, perhaps a week in Tuscany or Spain, but I have no one to look after her, it is just me. So the short of it all is, I need to be able to just VENT.
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Most elderly people want to continue to do things like they always have. They tend NOT to want to use "new" things even when they are much more convenient. It has to do with comfort level.
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Madeaa, She's a crazy, mean old bat! Good luck.
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