Anyone dealing with an alcoholic parent who has dementia?

My mother in law recently was in the hospital for 11 days for alcohol related issues. This is not her first trip due to alcolhol. This time the doctors listened to us about the drinking.. At minimum a quart of whiskey per day. She began having withdrawals so the doc gave her meds to ease the symptoms. So while she was there we emptied her house of all booze. We told her we were going to do this and she ws ok with it.. So with high hopes she was discharged and we took her,home. The first thing out of her mouth even befor we got her into her home was ..you guessed,it.. I want a dring. She became so belligerent to think we too the booze she paid for. This was heartbreaking for my hubby as well as myself. We will no longer enable her to continue this behavior, but I know,she will go to any length s to get some liquor. We told her that if she drinks again she has made her choice of booze over family and we are done with her. If she needs anything to ask her liquor bottle to help her. I want to attend al anon but I don't know what they can do for us.. Elder options is coming out tomorrow we are going to ask about aa for shut ins.All her health issues are directly relating to drinking. She has messed her car up,ran int a tree with her golf cart and broke her foot she hit her ramp with the golf cart so hard she put a hole in her home!tried to walk up the broken ramp, fell down, passed out stoned out of her mind drunk,we had the paramedics out to pick her up as she is as round as she is tall, hurt and bruised she refused to go to the hospital as she could not drink.i could go on but these are some of the recent highlights. Sorry to go on but we are at our wits end, it's either family or the bottle.

My mom has been an alcoh

Sorry problem with my post my mom has been an alcoholic and i see the signs of dementia and possible mental illness. I see this steadily progressing. I am in a horrible situation. She is the person responsible for dad who had a stroke. Ian there several times a week to make sure dad eats and taking meds. I have tried to get help get a handle on the situation called APS, rehab,. Police, doctors. Nothing helps. All I can do is keep my head above water.

My mom is 68 and has been an alcoholic off and on for over 30 years, maybe longer. As a child, she was abused and it affected her deeply. Made her unable to be a giving and attentive mother. Being the oldest of three girls, I remember my mom didn't get up in the mornings to help us get ready for school, so I made sure my sisters got up and got their breakfast and had a lunch packed for school.
Mom's drinking was a factor in the divorce of my parents. At age 40, she was alone with two kids still home, didn't drive and hadn't worked a job outside the home since she was a teenager. She applied for and got a disability pension for her migraines, supposedly. After all these years, I wonder if she faked it because she rarely has had a headache since coming off disability and going onto her pension/ government assistance.
About a year and a half ago, she began falling and dropping things. Suspecting a neurological condition, I begged her to go to the doctor but she refused. I see now that even in the face of grave health concerns, spending time without alcohol in hospital was worse in her eyes than dealing with a dire sickness. I got her to go to the ER, the doc there says 'here's a walker so she won't fall'. The next day I went to check on her and found her on the floor so I called an ambulance. She had acidosis of the blood and the ER docs were asking about DNR orders and who's got power of attorney. She was sick enough to die! She didn't, but spent a week in hospital being taken off all meds and getting them back one by one. She was ok for a little while thereafter. But six months later, she's telling me she thinks she is depressed. Doctor gives her not one but two anti-depressants that she is not supposed to have alcohol with. She would drink 4-6 shots of whiskey a night, every night. Coupled with anti-depressants and narcotic pain relievers, she was dopey and unsteady on her feet. A year ago I had two heartfelt talks with her about my concerns, she insisted she was getting better. The first of this year I insisted she make an appointment with her doc. She tells me on a Wednesday that she made one for the next week. She didn't make it. The Thursday after she made the call she fell getting dressed and broke her hip.
Two months of hospital, rehab and a convalescent home and she was in the best shape I've seen her in years. As soon as she went home, the drinking began again in earnest. Her hip isn't healing well, the toll of the alcohol has leached calcium from her bones and they are as brittle as a 100 year old's. She got drunk, fell and bashed her head and broke her hand. I went to check on her at midnight that night because she had sent gibberish texts. She was trying to get a ring off a broken finger and didn't realize her face and hair were caked in blood from a gash on her forehead. Called an ambulance again. 5 days in hospital and then back to the booze at home. She's had many other falls during all this time and I would find her with cuts or bruises on her face or legs or arms but she laughs them off.
I picked her up two weeks ago for a physio appointment for the broken hand. The other hand was bandaged in a tensor wrap and quite visibly swollen. I said it looked serious and we should go to the ER but she refused, insisting it was just sprained. A week ago, I missed a text from her at 2:30 in the morning asking for help but my new phone wasn't configured for priority calls and texts. When I got up and saw I missed it, I called. She said she'd somehow fallen and couldn't get up. Guess she scooted herself to her bedroom and eventually got into bed. Two days after that, I showed up with groceries and she's dressed with shoes on and makeup done. She wanted to go to the ER to get her wrist checked. Well sure enough, 3 hours later it's confirmed as broken and a half cast is placed on it until she can see the surgeon the next day. Of course, I have to take her as she doesn't drive. We get there, and the surgeon is the same one who did her hip repair. He told her she has bad bones, they are in bad shape. He could put a pin and plate in her wrist but instead he wants to just push the bones together and cast the hand and arm. Mom says to me, this has to be the last broken bone. I think she is tired of the hassle of living day to day with pain and a walker and hands that don't work right but I don't think she is at the point where she will stop drinking, start eating better and take care of herself. I'm resigned to the fact that she will likely fall and do herself in and there is nothing I can do about it. Talking with doctors and social workers has yielded little in help. The laws in Ontario allow for her to live as she pleases if she is not hurting anyone else, even if she is hurting herself. Having her declared incompetent is expensive and not guaranteed to work as she has enough faculties I think they would just say she makes poor choices but she's an adult so let her.

Tired of having a ringside seat to this circus of hers....

I encounter similar problems. Mom is 84 and continues to drink daily. I quit buying booze for her 5 years ago when I became sober. Currently she has her yard man pick up her scotch. She has a caregiver with her much of the week but becomes belligerent if she questions how much she is drinking. One day last week she called me every 4 hours to tell me how "sick" she was and wanted to go to the emergency room because of her nausea, headache, inability to eat or drink. The caregiver confirmed she had gotten a new bottle the day before and proceeded to drink heavily. I told her I was not taking her to the emergency room for a hangover. She is depressed and complains often.She is very unpleasant to be around. I am an only child and my parents are divorced so all her care is my responsibility. Physically she has severe neuropathy in her legs and feet which affects her balance so she can only walk short distances only, always using a walker. Her short term memory is terrible and getting worse(if that is possible) She is in complete denial of both her alcoholism, how it affects others and her physical limitations. I am going to tell her today that she can no longer drink but I do not expect it to go well. I am concerned for her safety and my sanity. There is no good answer to this question/ problem. It does help some to know there are others in similar situations. I have been to Al-anon but as the previous poster stated, it does not offer a lot of practical solutions and the approach is like AA, which I am very familiar with. I quit drinking 5 years ago when I realized I was turning into my Mother. The current situation leaves me depressed and guilty feeling. I feel like Mom has sucked the joy out of my life and I don' t know how long I can continue to effectively care for her and about her.

My mother is a drug addict and has been my entire life. Im 34 and I am raising my 16 yr old brother from the same mother with my own children. She goes back and forth between Meth, Heroin, Alcohol, and prescription drug abuse. I think there was a three year period of time my mother may have been the closest to sober she has been in my 34 years and that was when she was pregnant with my brother and caring for him on her own in his first years and even then she was abusing the drugs that were prescribed to her. In the last four years I have cut off nearly all contact with her except Christmas Eve at Grandmas and my brothers birthday. I attend I I am nice I am careful with my words and the next day I cut back off. (Other than the occasional emergencies or when she would intentional call me from my brothers cell phone or her mothers home phone to trick me into answering). 9 days ago she had a stroke. the weren't able to administer the medication giving to improve recovery due to her numerous other health problems. They didn't think she would come out of it. they didn't think she would recover speech or swallow. They thought an infection she had in her leg would eventually travel to her heart and kill her. She can speak she can swallow her infection is almost gone and she has been transferred to an assisted living rehab facility. I am the only family member physically and mentally capable coordinating care, following up with doctors and social workers etc. I have never in all my life been so angry so stressed so pissed and equally had to maintain a level of compassion towards a the m woman who caused me so much pain. I don't know who to turn to for help. Im a mess on the inside and I am barely keeping it together. I feel like I could lose it at any moment.