My formerly estranged brother took over my mother's care this past year. He has made accusations against me for writing online checks to myself for reimbursement of expenses I paid for during her time with me and/or in the assisted living facility nearby. These are criminal charges, and he has convinced her that they are valid. Has anyone had a similar situation? I cannot prove that expenses were for her for meals even if I had receipts because I cannot prove that she was present. He immediately changed all of her financial related passwords and is now her sole beneficiary etc. He has not worked a real job, nor had more than a phone call (every few months at most) with her in years.
If you are so estranged from brother it is a wonder that you know already what paperwork he has done to make himself a beneficiary?
All of that aside, estranged and bickering siblings warring over the still warm body of their elder is anathema to me. I admit a prejudice here. I will only say this.
If you were POA and caring for an elder, then you need to know and understand the Fiduciary legal rules involved in being the POA. There needs to be meticulous records.
If you are NOT a POA and are simply caring for an elder, and another sibling can prove in the courts that you put yourself on their accounts or were gifted by them when they had no executive functions present, then they can file a case against you.
However, proving what you used money for will be difficult.
I would wait and see whether your brother files against you.
I would gather all records of any expenditures or withdrawals you made with/for your mom that I can find. I would be ready to answer any and all questions. I would hire an attorney when told a criminal action has been filed against me, or--in the case of having no funds for an attorney--would go to court and request representation by a public defender.
Good luck. As you can imagine, we can only guess at the details here. There really isn't a thing we can do to help. However, your question serves as warning to the public in general to act only as POA or Guardian or Representative Payee on Social Security, and to keep immaculate and meticulous records.
It's terrible when a parent that you've been helping turns on you.
You probably didn't think anything about this since you were helping your mother.
Get all of your statements according to months and years. Go to an attorney. If you did online checks, there should be a record of this.
Get an attorney.
No one has brought any charges against you.
Your attorney is right. The more you talk to and make attempts with explanations the more cannon fodder you are providing to blast you out of the waters.
You need to tell bro you are FINISHED speaking about any of this whatsoever. PERIOD.
You can tell him by lawyer-letter if you like, or by your own letter.
Tell him you helped your mother with everything while he was nowhere around.
If now mother wishes to live with him, that is up to her and him, and you wish them both good luck. To let you know if he needs an occasional respite sitter, or an occasional sack of grocery shopping, or an occ. transport to an appointment. Then tell him GOOD LUCK.
Sit back and wait. WHEN YOU ARE CHARGED IF YOU ARE CHARGED take anything you have, go to court, say you were helping your mother with everything during that time, that this is what you have to show.
Hon, I seriously doubt you are going to jail, ok? Time to turn off the True Crime Podcasts (tho I am a huge fan as well. Do you do Crime Junkie?)
That's why I cut my family off years ago.
Just adding my two cents.
My mom lived with us. She didn't pay rent, but she did kick in monthly for heat, cable, cell phone and groceries. She also reimbursed us for a share of property taxes. It worked out to a few hundred dollars a month.
If that's the amount you're talking about, I doubt if any municipality/law enforcement is going to bother wasting time on an "investigation". It is generally understood that when you are an adult living with other adult family members, you are expected to contribute somewhat financially to the running and maintenance of the household, in whatever amount is acceptable to all parties involved, without the necessity of keeping receipts. I mean, really, who is expected to keep grocery receipts for years on end, and keep a log book of who paid for the Oreos and who paid for the Chips Ahoy? The same goes for getting mom the extras she needed while in assisted living, although that might be a "grayer" area, depending on what was included in her fees for the facility. But again, if we're talking about a few hundred dollars, I doubt anyone in authority will really want to waste time and resources for what seems to be a family squabble.
Now, if you're talking about significantly larger amounts - say, in the thousands of dollars - you might have more of a problem convincing someone that was for mom's "stuff". It is not reasonable for an investigator to believe that mom was eating thousands of dollars worth of food each month, or asking you to spend thousands of dollars on, say, clothing, that you were then reimbursing yourself for. Can you see that difference?
I will say, I'm not sure what you mean by "online checks". If you mean you were transferring money between mom's account and yours, I can see where your brother might have questioned the transactions, especially if mom has some sort of cognitive decline and can't clearly articulate that she was in agreement to the transfers.
In the meantime, start to gather what receipts you might have. Make a list, to the best of your recollection, of what you purchased for mom, when you purchased it and the approximate price. If you ordered things through Amazon, for example, those items are in your order history for years and are easy to access. If you use a grocery loyalty care, for example, you might be able to access old orders, where you can show that your grocery purchases went down in cost once mom was no longer living with you. Same for heat in your home - if you had to keep the house warmer for mom's sake, show how your utility bill went up while she lived with you, and down after she wasn't. And hold onto all of this information until such a time as you are asked to produce it by someone in authority, NOT your brother. I would also go no contact with him while this is ongoing, for your own safety and peace of mind.