Father died in Jan. Parents married 60 years. Mother living independently but is exhibiting extreme attention seeking behavior. She does not drive, no volunteer opportunity, but is somewhat active around the home with projects & hobbies. Regardless of the constant communication from family and friends, she never seems to be satisfied with the amount of attention she receives and continues to reach out to immediate family members and infers subtle guilt to each for not doing more. What can be done to remedy this situation giving satisfaction to the mother and reprieve to the immediate family??
In my mother's case, what helped her the most was going through old scrapbooks and photo albums. It required nothing more than a warm body to listen to her relive her cherished moments and make appropriate "how nice" comments occasionally. I was living out of state at the time, but 2 of my sisters spent a lot of time being there and listening for a year or so. Again, Mom had never lived alone before. It was a major change for her: nobody to share morning coffee with, nobody to watch TV with, nobody to cook for, nobody to talk to. After a year or so, she joined a water aerobics class at a nearby parks and recreation facility and started making friends there. Then she needed less attention from my sisters.
Give it a little more time. Do what you feel you can do for her, find out what kind of senior activities are available and whether there is a "rideshare" or senior bus that could pick her up and take her to activities when she is ready to try something.
Do take care of yourself and set limits on how much time you can spend with her, but try to be patient. I would try to ignore any "guilt" moves and focus on positive things. This lonely neediness is part of the process of grieving. One must learn how to be alone before it is possible to move on, it seems.
Oh, she still complains that whatever is done for her 'isn't enough', no matter HOW much is done for her, so her relatives wind up backing off as a result. Like AlvaDeer said, you can't 'fix' this unless she'd like to go into Assisted Living, and that would change her life in many ways. But with the plague being a factor right now, some of the activities are on the back burner for the moment. It's something to look into/consider for down the road, though, so maybe collect some brochures for her to look at.
I don't think the immediate family should spend all their time trying to entertain your mother, otherwise, she will come to expect it continually and you will have NO reprieve EVER. Set up a schedule of when you will visit, how long you will stay, etc., taking turns, and leave it at that. If she's a chronic complainer like my mother is, it won't be good enough ANYWAY, so what's the difference? Do what you can and let the rest of it go.
Best of luck!