My dad called twice from the nursing home this weekend. I remember reading something on here about normal telephone etiquette does not apply anymore. So when he got nasty with me, I told him that if he is going to be nasty I will hang up and I did. But I feel so guilty...
Your fathers brain is broken. He can no longer reason or be reasoned with. He will become like a child.
I agree that his brain is broken and he cannot be reasoned with, but setting boundaries is a good practice for Chergal. Knowing that she does not have to listen to the abuse as it is crossing a boundary may help her to hang up, or not answer in the first place.
Dad may never realize why she is hanging up, but she will know why she is hanging up.
You did nothing wrong, you aren't responsible for his age, health, happiness or his anger. Stop owning it.
Just because he is your dad doesn't mean he can treat you terrible and you just have to take it. You are a grown woman with a sound mind, not a little girl that has no choice but to listen to daddy's tirade.
Keep enforcing those boundaries and keep reminding yourself that you don't deserve to be treated hateful and he is making the choice to have a civil conversation or get hung up on.
There may come a time when Dad should not have access to a phone, but for now you are not required to answer all his calls, nor continue to listen to his complaints when you choose to answer.
And you do not need to worry about not answering his calls. If it is an emergency, then the nursing home will deal with it and call you if necessary.
You have enough on your plate with your hubby's health issues.