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It sounds like she is is just not able to process what is going on and reason as to what her needs are now. I'd just ensure that she wears the Depends, even if she needs supervision and assistance with putting them on and changing every time. And get rid of regular panties. I might gently explain, if she asks that these are the ones the doctor has prescribed for her. And talk about how comfortable and durable they are. You might start out with some that are in a nice color, so they seem more attractive to her. Eventually, she'll accept it as normal. Convincing someone with dementia, something that they are not able to process, is usually just frustrating for all involved and is futile.
SMacArthur has it right. Throw away her regular underwear and place the pretty Depends in the drawer. They have some that are very soft and have flowers on therm. You can't have her regular underwear in the same drawer because she'll always gravitate towards those. Also, when you have to buy a more absorbent underwear, Tranquility Brand is great. We can only find them on Amazon.
Can you toilet her on a regular basis so that she does not wait till she feels the urge and it's too late. Explaining something to someone with dementia is a waste of time so just do what you have to do in a mater of fact way
If she is really trying to get to the bathroom, she could use a bedside commode that might cut down on the night or nap time wetness. Also, can she get her pants down easily? A smock or pull up pants might help. Is there a pattern to when this happens? A musical alarm or other reminder to "go" at specific times during the day, might help.
I know how frustrated you are. But try to remember, she has dementia and there's no amount of explaining that will make sense to her. Others are correct. Get rid of the regular underwear in her drawer and replace them with the pretty Depends ones. Fortunately (and I say that with compassion) my Mom had an overactive bladder problem before dementia set in. She was already using a Depends-type garment but would always supplement that with 2 pads, too. She leaked but never smelled. When she broke her leg and went into the nursing home, her dementia ramped up into high gear due to the trauma, surgery, anaesthesia and change of environment. In the nursing home, she was a 2 person Hoyer lift and getting the CNAs to change her on a regular schedule was impossible (they're supposed to change or check on a resident every 2 hours). Each aide probably had 15 or more residents to attend to and when a resident needs a 2 person lift, her aide had to go find another aide to help her. That said, my Mom was always the last to get attended to unless I or another family member was there hunting down aides.
My Mom was always so fastidious about her appearance and when I think how she ended up at the end of her life just makes me sad. So we hear you, Clou1313. Take a deep breath, keep trying to understand the indignity your Mom is going through and keep helping her the best you can. Maybe do what my Mom did, add extra pads to the Depends garment. It gets expensive but you are living the alternative. My Mom is no longer with us. I am just starting bladder "urgency" issues and it's annoying to me. I think of what my Mom endured at the end. Bladder meds did not help her, only made her more confused; that's why I won't take them. They are contraindicated in the elderly. My final thoughts is to try to be more patient. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart. Know when it gets too much, you will have to make some tough decisions. I hope you have support of family/friends. You always have support here. I feel the people on this forum are my friends and they helped me tremendously when I was going through my most darkest hours. Tears are flowing as I write this. As I said, my Mom has been gone for 2 years and I still appreciate the support of this forum. Thank you, friends.
Kudos to the Forum....There are excellent people online that have also given me more help that they will ever know,Financial,Medicaid,Intestate issuses.....as to the incontinent issue...Mom became confused as she was also not used to throwing her depends away,thought they were underwear..and she would hide them..this is dementia..she was only being frugal, as my Mother respected her possesions and really took care of them...her clothing etc. so she didnt connect the disposal of her new throwaways...……..she then started throwing her shoes,dresses in the trash..her brain could not process. Dad had depends and we started putting the cloths on the furniture..but there was still an odor of urine in the Den,his room with TV and bath located near...……..he simply, could not or was too tired to pull up the depends for at least one year....I feel that the elders become dehydrated because subliminially they do not drink fluids to delay getting up and pulling up and down the dreaded diapers...…..so they smell.. I had to inform Brother..the room smelled..Dads pants smelled..brother caretaker was becoming very frustrated and angry and did not think NH or homecare......we were not wealthy..or just lived on soc,pension,.. brother pulled it off until he became sick...and passed before DAD who was 98years old,brother 69 years old.
nursing home or caretaker coming into the home, my fault as well.
It took weeks to show mom how much better she would be once she started wearing depends!
We used these reasoning ideas for her to process: 1. Her skin breaking down and how much less likely for urinary infections. 2. The bacteria/ germs on floor in laundry, her bedding, etc. 3. The water usage, electricity bill, detergent, that get used ..cost of Depends or like product...my mother understood the cost issue! 4. Independence is taking care of issues that arise with her ageing..mother understood that most of all. Even with Alzheimer's or dementia often old living habits ( being frugal) will surface and the loved one will come around.
Mom now uses depends or equvalent and extra pads inside for easy exchange and less costs of the quantity of depends used. Now at times she'll change depends and /or pads with minor assistance and feels more independent! Patience is the key! I have other hints that my hard headed (Lol) mother used to become a much easier patient. Karen H in FL
If your mother is having these accidents on a mercy dash to the restroom, then that does mean the problem is not a lack of urgency - she knows she needs to "go", she's just either not realising in time, or she's not able to move that quick any more, or there's some other problem.
How long has it been happening?
If, though, your mother is only realising she needs the bathroom because she's already wet, until you've got her to accept Depends or Tena or similar you can get washable absorbent pads to go on chairs and beds - they're very effective and reasonably priced. Look for continence care products online.
Time her urges to go. Then come to her before that time & tell her it is time to go & get there on time. I think there is a difference between a family member care giver and an unrelated care giver. If you can get the unrelated care giver professional to endorse the "plan" and instigate it, it has more credence than a family member trying to do that. Some moms are receptive to daughter plans. Mine would say "yes" and do "NOT". But when the nurse or doctor said it, then that would happen and she would be on my case to make sure I did and facilitated what the unrelated caregiver said. I hope that helps. You are in a tight spot and I feel for you. These people on this chat are your angels sent from God to give you deliverance. They have been such a blessing to me.
I feel for you. Help2day has good answers to change underwear out. To add extra pads, makes a big difference.
I is tough to watch them decline. I Don't know her/your financial status of course or what state you live in so I will offer some information and hope some of it helps. Have you contacted senior services? In Oregon it is called Seniors and People with Disabilities. The Department of Human services should be able to help with that information in your state. But find your senior services to see what they can help with. If your mom is low income they can help even more. If she is low income they can get her on medicaid which helps to pay for the incontinence supplies, prescriptions, medical (subsidising with medicare). Just set down with them and see what can be done or helpful.
Senior services not only helped me with mom's situation (she has dementia) but also with clients. I did homecare for years and took care of people with dementia and Alzheimer's. You may have to consider a facility which is a very hard thing to do but I had to do that with mom. I have to fight for her to be cared for properly. I have the state regulatory in there often along with other state agencies to keep the facility on their toes. They take care of my Mom we are goid but if they don't they will see the devil because I don't back down. Mom is now on Hospice and doing better actually because she is getting cared for better with more eyes on the faculty. If you do have to move her to a facility you have to be an advocate for them. Please look into getting a durable power of attorney because when/if you have to start making decisions and signing for her you will need it. Best you do it while she is still able to sign herself. If not see a lawyer. In any case do look into senior services. If she is low income and senior services signs her up which uses part of her income based on her income, you can do a couple things, get certified to be her paid caregiver or have someone come in a few hours a week to help you.
I hope at least some of the information is helpful.
Thank you All.. more details....I am caregiver. I took away undies..yes. Shes stated, with pink garments, how silly" & when I ask her don't forget this, just in case you can't make it" (depend) & hand it to her, she says Its not like I pee my pants!"...angrily. She doesn't recall peeing in her pants honestly. I am very patient ...it's my job to care for her every need & I adore her!! Also, yes she walks very slow.. She drinks about 2-3 bottles of water. A day. Im reducing that now although it keeps infection away. Best advice thus far..Time her. She has alot of pride. Won't admit to diarrhea even if I am holding a Pr. Of pants full of BM. If I am accusatory because of safety issues she calls her son & carries on &...won't talk to me for the entire day. & She hits.
Side note-this is the only problem we have. Shes an absolute doll. A teacher of 45 yrs. Raised 6 kids alone, grew up on a working farm. Tuff lady. & Best manners !!! Thx everyone
Walgreens has a new version that are nude color. They come in various sizes. Definitely add pads for extra protection. I wish i could get my mom to drink that much water! So good for you on that front. Also bed pads are a must as nothing is leak prior. Good luck.
The same thing happened to my Mother, as she became more and more incontinent it became really difficult to manage, and she also refused to wear depends. I too tried to reason with her and explain over and over why she needed depends, but I just could never get through to her. Sometimes she would even agree to wear them and it would seem like she finally understood, but then wouldn't put them on and would forget all the previous conversations we'd had. It was like starting all over again, all the explaining and talking just didn't work. I got so frustrated that one day I just removed all of her underwear from the drawer and filled it up with depends. That worked really well, and when she asked what happened I told her that disposable "underwear" was what she had now to put on. She may have grumbled a little bit, but she accepted that and from that day on when we dressed her in the morning she put on the depends, and throughout the day we changed as was needed. It was hard at first though--throwing away her underwear--because I felt like maybe it was disrespectful throwing away her personal stuff and telling her what I did instead of asking her. But with her dementia she just couldn't remember that she had had accidents on the floor and on the chair, or bed, hundreds of times throughout the years and if I brought it up she thought I was just imagining things. I finally realized at that moment that I had to take control and go ahead and make really basic decisions for her. It did feel strange at first when our relationship shifted and changed so much, but for my own sanity as well as for her health and safety it was necessary. It's just a huge challenge taking care of a parent with dementia, a learning process every step of the way. Good luck to you and your Mother, she's lucky to have you, Elizta
Remove all her underpants so all she has is the Depends or other Pull up type brief. If she asks about them tell her that they are in the wash, they are torn and you have to go buy more, they don't fit right any more.... I found a great absorbent, washable pad when I saw an email from Costco. The manufacturer is Conni They have a kids version as well as adult products. The bed pad if I recall correctly absorbs about 80 ounces. 2 came in a package, I thought they were a bit expensive but given the time it saved me on washing....well worth it. I am sure there are others that work just as well. I think the washable ones do a much better job than the thinner disposable pads.
Well, when reasoning doesn't work, perhaps absence of regular underwear will. Just remove all her underpants from her drawers, and buy depends. They are proportioned nicely and you really can't tell someone is wearing them. If she has no alternative but to use depends, then the problem is solved. Yes, she will be angry. She will put up a fuss. But which is worse? The fuss? Or the constant cleaning up? You will need to make that decision. I think it is in reverse from when you were a child - it is called tough love (with a large dose of self preservation built in.
Agree with replacing her undergarments with pull ups and extra pads, as needed. She won't have a choice. The other advice is to have her on a regular bathroom schedule, like every 2 hours. We can be better caregivers when there is less work to do. When my FIL saw me cleaning up urine, etc., he became compliant about the Depends. I was fortunate.
I had this battle with dad and after him soiling his jeans and washing them umpteen times, I told him we were going to go with disposable underwear so he wouldn’t need to be embarrassed when going to and from meals in his AL and wetting his pants. I did have to remove all regular briefs so he had no choice and would use them. Now that he’s in the NH, he complains about the fit and wants his "regular briefs" back. He says he doesn’t wet his pants. So sadly they just can’t recall why they need them. One thing that is very important is to measure her for the correct size. I caught the NH using large on dad when I kept telling them he needed S/M which is what I bought him. The Large were too big and bulky and allowed for leakage and was the reason he complained of the fit. It was a battle to get them to do as I asked. So that’s the piece of new advice I’d give you.
Good answers here. We're starting this with mother. She has a permanent catheter in place, but still leaks--a LOT. Considering she drinks less than 18 oz of fluid in a "good day" and doesn't eat much....I don't know where all this urine is coming from!! I do know that she goes to bed about 8 pm and sleeps all night long, always. Gets up about 8 am. Soaking wet, of course, but she's slept well.
The smell is due to the person simply being older and often the fact they take many meds which will cause urine to smell very strongly. Trying to keep a sr with bladder problems adequately hydrated is a FT job.
I think the idea of replacing all underwear with adult depends...and having no other option is great.
I do wish I had a better grasp at getting the smell of old urine out of clothing and furniture. Mother's place smells atrocious. She will not allow me to clean since last time I did and she saw how filthy/stinky her carpet was. She'd rather live with the smell than have someone try to remedy it.
We use Depends and an overnight, extra long pad with a wider back section when my mother has company or is outside her house. Seems that she has stress incontinance when she is over excited or distracted. (So far, not during the night). I make sure the pad’s adhesive is partially removed by pressing it against my pant leg. That way, she is able to remove the wet pad without tearing the Depends. We keep a vinyl bottomed bathroom mat on the sofa where she sits. During the day, when she is at home, she wears regular underwear with the overnight, extra long pad in place.
Put a pair on yourself and explain that you have been wearing them for some time and they are a life saver. That is hoe I got my mother to agree to wear them. I told her I use them all the time and it's normal. Thats why they have so mant TV commercials on them.
For tackling the urine smell, there's a product called "Nature's Miracle" that is for urine and feces accidents of pets, but it works very well on human waste as well as per the 'Queen of Clean.' I've been using it religiously ever since my mom's incontinence began, and I am very happy with this product. The key is to saturate the affected area with this product first and foremost--do not launder or rinse out with water or any other products. Let the enzyme action in the product do its work by letting the item sit for 5-10 minutes. Then launder as usual. (For tough stains, like feces, you may need to repeat these steps and then wash the item.) Besides clothing, you can use it on carpets, tile, and pretty much anywhere that is soiled. You'll find the product in all pet stores and in some health food stores like Whole Foods and Wild by Nature.
There was a similar Q&A on this topic, so search for "How can you get urine odor out of clothes?" for the thread containing more suggestions.
I agree with other commenters who suggested removing regular underwear and putting in Depends. I'd recommend their "Silhouette" line (looks like your average briefs and comes in black and beige colors) or you can try the "Always Discreet Boutique" line (which has a floral design). You can also add to that a Poise pad (or use it alone within regular underwear); their "Overnight" one has been super helpful for my mom. It's very absorbent and extra wide in the back to absorb leaks when a person is in bed, but we use it during the day as well. The trick is to leave ON the paper covering the sticky adhesive so that if she just wets the pad, we can easily remove it and spare the disposable dry underwear.
Lastly, toilet training your mother should help curtail accidents. That involves just bringing her to the toilet on a regular schedule and having her go even if she says she doesn't need to. For instance, my friend's mom who has the same illness, is brought to the bathroom before and after eating, in particular, and my friend noticed that now, her mom will go on this schedule, even holding it in until she's bought to the restroom. Also helpful, for my mom, the aides and I started logging her daily drinks and the times she would pee or poop to get a better sense of her system. This helped us tremendously, and we were also able to get an idea of when she might have a UTI based on the change in frequency. Because of this, I created and sell a dry erase "medical wall calendar" of sorts that has places to write this type of information, so that all caregivers can keep track of things and share details. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like more info on this.
I had the same problem with my mother. she just didn't comprehend what she was doing with the dementia. it got to the point that I felt like I was living in the laundry room.I went on the computer and looked up seniors diapers /underwear. they were a bit expensive but these underwear diapers could hold up to six to eight hours of pee and poop before changing. of course I never left her in them that long but I figured if it would hold up to eight hours of pee its got to be strong. I brought one package to see how it would go. I put them in a bag so she couldn't see what they were. I told her they were a new senior type of underwear . I told her that I brought them because they were light weight and they would be easier to take on and off. she wasn't sure she liked them. so I told her I would help her get them on and off and she agreed to wear them. THANK GOD.......cause I hated that laundry room. they also deliver..... as far as repeating yourself to her, there is no cure for that. and be prepaid because it only gets worse. so each time she starts to complain about the underwear I tell her mom you picked them out for me to buy. she says oh your right I did.... the underwear comes in diaper material but also soft material that you could get away with as underwear... you will be surprised how much of the pee smell has gone away with the underwear. now it all hits you at once when you take them off her...lol... good luck........
Dear Clou1313, If she can toilet herself, or tries to, then she really needs outerwear pull ups or similar, with no belts and zippers to fuss with, or she will likely soil herself just trying to get undressed. And they would be easier for caregivers to manage as well. Unfortunately, finding pull up pants that have the right size hip and waist measurements can be a challenge.
There is a great product called Urine Out that I use when my cats throw up on the carpet. It is great! I don’t see why you couldn’t use it on the chair too. It’s on a website called planeturine.com
Please don’t limit her water! That’s a huge mistake unless a doctor has ordered a limit to liquids. Make sure all her disposable underwear already have the poise pad inserted before you put them in her dresser drawer in case she changes herself. Also handy to have an extra pair near the commode in case she goes in alone and needs to change.
If you are taking her on schedule, when she sits on the pot, tell her to lean forward to more completly empty her bladder. She might also benefit from a visit to a urologist. A sonogram would show if she is emptying her bladder completely when she goes to the bathroom. There is medication that can help with that if needed. It’s a simple test that requires no prep. A bedside commode is helpful at night and depending on how far to her bathroom perhaps safer. I wasn’t a fan of the bedside commode during the day because my mother wasn’t in the bed and she needed the exercise of going to the bathroom but she wasn’t totally imcontinent either so there is that to consider.
I've been reading through these answers with great interest- Dad with Alzheimer's is not incontinent yet, but we'll get there. The big concern now is that he does get up multiple times a night to use the bathroom, and he's become a fall risk. We thought the night commode was the best idea ever to keep him from having to go very far at night when he's a bit groggy, (and had a bad fall and broke his arm in August) until we hit that big brick wall of dementia. We have seen in Dad's case that there is no amount of showing, teaching, explaining, helpful, well placed signs, (or even physically bringing him to it) etc, to get him to use it. When first presented to him, he too thought it was a GREAT idea, as well as the pee bottle we got him, but the dementia just will not allow his brain to remember or think of anything but BATHROOM when the urge hits. I had to start sleeping on a blow up bed in the room next to his so I can get to him in an instant when the motion detector I have in his room tells me his feet have touched the floor. Even when I would go in to him and try to get him to use the night commode right next to his bed, and re-explained that he thought it was great, and looked forward to trying it, and that it was so much safer and easier for him, he angrily said "I'd rather piss the bed than use that thing, now get out of my way." Couple this with the fact that he also can't remember that he just got up 5 minutes before and urinated already (and hasn't even fallen back asleep yet), and just doesn't believe you when tell him. So there he stands in the bathroom, doing nothing. I was worried that he might have a UTI, and not emptying his bladder completely, or still feeling the urge because of the infection, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Long story short, I just wanted to point out the difficulty/impossibility we've personally had trying to get a dementia patient to use a night commode as opposed to someone with higher cognition, and I am pre-expressing my abject fear of what to do once incontinence garments become necessary; just judging from his behavior now toward the commode and bottle, the sh*t will hit the fan (no pun intended) once we put him in those. He will happily, readily rip those off at every turn and chance, just like the sling and splint his broken arm was in. They just came off for good less that a week ago, I do not know how we survived the fights with him to get him back into those every time he ripped them off, all day and night, every day and night. We could not turn our backs for a second. When told again that he must leave these things alone and in place so the broken bone could heal, he would look us right in the eye while fiddling with the straps trying to get it off and say "What? I'm not doing anything, what are you talking about? What is a sling? My arm's not broken" and every time he went into the bathroom, he'd rip at least the sling off yet again, if not both. He had broken his humerus, and given the location of the break, the orthopedist said it was virtually impossible to put the arm in any other type of cast than this velcro strap-closure 2 piece splint. I had to use a large amount of crisscrossed strips of duct-tape on the straps just to keep him from being able to rip them open and pull it off. This worked well until the swelling went down enough- then he just started yanking the whole splint down and off. I honestly do not know how his arm healed as well as it did! Anyway, I guess I needed to vent all of this myself, I didn't mean to unload it as a reply to you. I think the mention of the night commode made it all spill out! Best of luck to all of us, but to original poster too; I can absolutely sympathize. and I will be going through the exact same once Dad needs undergarments. I wish I had some suggestions!
Quite seriously, try them on for yourself and soon she may want to copy. Honestly, I just bought some for myself for the "long nights out where I could have a mishap" and I'll be glad that I did!
FYI ... I have even thought of wearing them on long flights in case of turbulance & I don't want to risk an injury
With all the choices now a days show the pix to your mom & ask her to choose which brand she would like more - once she gets used to it then start adding something more economical occationally until you are all the best buy but the small extra cost is nothing compared to her keeping some dignity & reducing your work load
It is my own belief that one thing that makes people with dementia so difficult at times is their lack of choice - when mom needed a new wheelchair & I was asked what colour so I said let's ask her & she was quite pleased to be able to make her own choice [royal blue] - so I started asking her to make simple choices like 'do you want to stay in the common room or go to your room' or 'which of these drinks would you like .. orange or lemon' - she liked feeling that she was making some decisions for herself - I did this with my kids too so it was 'do you want mustard or ketchup on your hot dog?' & they liked to feel they had a pick in their meal
Brilliant and exactly right. Make sure the options are not open ended (eg, what do you want on your hotdog?) Give 2 or 3 options so you don't overwhelm the person!
Hi All. This site is awesome!! I've read all suggestions.... ok I put one of MY PADS nxt to toilet. I explained to her about them first.
Here's what i'm going to try. Ive taken away her undies but i'm going to return them, just 3-4 with a pad inserted & put in drawer... LOVE THIS IDEA... she's terribly embarrassed over urinating & is shy with me. I explained to her, " emily honey I know it's very hard to walk fast with your aching legs, so just in case you can't get there in time, i'll put these in bathroom, I use them also & hell i'm 60" ok? She smiled...... said thank you. I'll let ya all know ...& I'm caught up on laundry! 😊
My own late mother told me to start wearing a pad for when I am out doing errands! I have not stopped wearing them. I am grateful for having such a wise late mother!
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Also, when you have to buy a more absorbent underwear, Tranquility Brand is great. We can only find them on Amazon.
Explaining something to someone with dementia is a waste of time so just do what you have to do in a mater of fact way
My Mom was always so fastidious about her appearance and when I think how she ended up at the end of her life just makes me sad. So we hear you, Clou1313. Take a deep breath, keep trying to understand the indignity your Mom is going through and keep helping her the best you can. Maybe do what my Mom did, add extra pads to the Depends garment. It gets expensive but you are living the alternative. My Mom is no longer with us. I am just starting bladder "urgency" issues and it's annoying to me. I think of what my Mom endured at the end. Bladder meds did not help her, only made her more confused; that's why I won't take them. They are contraindicated in the elderly. My final thoughts is to try to be more patient. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart. Know when it gets too much, you will have to make some tough decisions. I hope you have support of family/friends. You always have support here. I feel the people on this forum are my friends and they helped me tremendously when I was going through my most darkest hours. Tears are flowing as I write this. As I said, my Mom has been gone for 2 years and I still appreciate the support of this forum. Thank you, friends.
connect the disposal of her new throwaways...……..she then started throwing her shoes,dresses in the trash..her brain could not process.
Dad had depends and we started putting the cloths on the furniture..but there was still an odor of urine in the Den,his room with TV and bath located near...……..he simply, could not or was too tired to pull up the depends for at least one year....I feel that the elders become dehydrated
because subliminially they do not drink fluids to delay getting up and pulling up and down the dreaded diapers...…..so they smell..
I had to inform Brother..the room smelled..Dads pants smelled..brother
caretaker was becoming very frustrated and angry and did not think NH
or homecare......we were not wealthy..or just lived on soc,pension,..
brother pulled it off until he became sick...and passed before DAD who was 98years old,brother 69 years old.
nursing home or caretaker coming into the home, my fault as well.
We used these reasoning ideas for her to process:
1. Her skin breaking down and how much less likely for urinary infections.
2. The bacteria/ germs on floor in laundry, her bedding, etc.
3. The water usage, electricity bill, detergent, that get used ..cost of Depends or like product...my mother understood the cost issue!
4. Independence is taking care of issues that arise with her ageing..mother understood that most of all.
Even with Alzheimer's or dementia often old living habits ( being frugal) will surface and the loved one will come around.
Mom now uses depends or equvalent and extra pads inside for easy exchange and less costs of the quantity of depends used.
Now at times she'll change depends and /or pads with minor assistance and feels more independent!
Patience is the key!
I have other hints that my hard headed (Lol) mother used to become a much easier patient.
Karen H in FL
How long has it been happening?
If, though, your mother is only realising she needs the bathroom because she's already wet, until you've got her to accept Depends or Tena or similar you can get washable absorbent pads to go on chairs and beds - they're very effective and reasonably priced. Look for continence care products online.
time to go & get there on time.
I think there is a difference between a family member care giver and
an unrelated care giver. If you can get the unrelated care giver professional to endorse the "plan" and instigate it, it has more
credence than a family member trying to do that. Some moms are
receptive to daughter plans. Mine would say "yes" and do "NOT".
But when the nurse or doctor said it, then that would happen and
she would be on my case to make sure I did and facilitated what
the unrelated caregiver said.
I hope that helps. You are in a tight spot and I feel for you.
These people on this chat are your angels sent from God to give you
deliverance. They have been such a blessing to me.
I is tough to watch them decline. I Don't know her/your financial status of course or what state you live in so I will offer some information and hope some of it helps.
Have you contacted senior services? In Oregon it is called Seniors and People with Disabilities. The Department of Human services should be able to help with that information in your state. But find your senior services to see what they can help with. If your mom is low income they can help even more. If she is low income they can get her on medicaid which helps to pay for the incontinence supplies, prescriptions, medical (subsidising with medicare). Just set down with them and see what can be done or helpful.
Senior services not only helped me with mom's situation (she has dementia) but also with clients. I did homecare for years and took care of people with dementia and Alzheimer's. You may have to consider a facility which is a very hard thing to do but I had to do that with mom. I have to fight for her to be cared for properly. I have the state regulatory in there often along with other state agencies to keep the facility on their toes. They take care of my Mom we are goid but if they don't they will see the devil because I don't back down. Mom is now on Hospice and doing better actually because she is getting cared for better with more eyes on the faculty. If you do have to move her to a facility you have to be an advocate for them. Please look into getting a durable power of attorney because when/if you have to start making decisions and signing for her you will need it. Best you do it while she is still able to sign herself. If not see a lawyer.
In any case do look into senior services. If she is low income and senior services signs her up which uses part of her income based on her income, you can do a couple things, get certified to be her paid caregiver or have someone come in a few hours a week to help you.
I hope at least some of the information is helpful.
Blessings your way.
Depend
Shes stated, with pink garments, how silly" & when I ask her don't forget this, just in case you can't make it"
(depend) & hand it to her, she says Its not like I pee my pants!"...angrily. She doesn't recall peeing in her pants honestly.
I am very patient ...it's my job to care for her every need & I adore her!!
Also, yes she walks very slow.. She drinks about 2-3 bottles of water. A day. Im reducing that now although it keeps infection away.
Best advice thus far..Time her.
She has alot of pride. Won't admit to diarrhea even if I am holding a Pr. Of pants full of BM.
If I am accusatory because of safety issues she calls her son & carries on &...won't talk to me for the entire day. & She hits.
Side note-this is the only problem we have. Shes an absolute doll.
A teacher of 45 yrs. Raised 6 kids alone,
grew up on a working farm. Tuff lady. & Best manners !!!
Thx everyone
If she asks about them tell her that they are in the wash, they are torn and you have to go buy more, they don't fit right any more....
I found a great absorbent, washable pad when I saw an email from Costco. The manufacturer is Conni They have a kids version as well as adult products. The bed pad if I recall correctly absorbs about 80 ounces. 2 came in a package, I thought they were a bit expensive but given the time it saved me on washing....well worth it. I am sure there are others that work just as well. I think the washable ones do a much better job than the thinner disposable pads.
One thing that is very important is to measure her for the correct size. I caught the NH using large on dad when I kept telling them he needed S/M which is what I bought him. The Large were too big and bulky and allowed for leakage and was the reason he complained of the fit. It was a battle to get them to do as I asked. So that’s the piece of new advice I’d give you.
The smell is due to the person simply being older and often the fact they take many meds which will cause urine to smell very strongly. Trying to keep a sr with bladder problems adequately hydrated is a FT job.
I think the idea of replacing all underwear with adult depends...and having no other option is great.
I do wish I had a better grasp at getting the smell of old urine out of clothing and furniture. Mother's place smells atrocious. She will not allow me to clean since last time I did and she saw how filthy/stinky her carpet was. She'd rather live with the smell than have someone try to remedy it.
For tackling the urine smell, there's a product called "Nature's Miracle" that is for urine and feces accidents of pets, but it works very well on human waste as well as per the 'Queen of Clean.' I've been using it religiously ever since my mom's incontinence began, and I am very happy with this product. The key is to saturate the affected area with this product first and foremost--do not launder or rinse out with water or any other products. Let the enzyme action in the product do its work by letting the item sit for 5-10 minutes. Then launder as usual. (For tough stains, like feces, you may need to repeat these steps and then wash the item.) Besides clothing, you can use it on carpets, tile, and pretty much anywhere that is soiled. You'll find the product in all pet stores and in some health food stores like Whole Foods and Wild by Nature.
There was a similar Q&A on this topic, so search for "How can you get urine odor out of clothes?" for the thread containing more suggestions.
I agree with other commenters who suggested removing regular underwear and putting in Depends. I'd recommend their "Silhouette" line (looks like your average briefs and comes in black and beige colors) or you can try the "Always Discreet Boutique" line (which has a floral design). You can also add to that a Poise pad (or use it alone within regular underwear); their "Overnight" one has been super helpful for my mom. It's very absorbent and extra wide in the back to absorb leaks when a person is in bed, but we use it during the day as well. The trick is to leave ON the paper covering the sticky adhesive so that if she just wets the pad, we can easily remove it and spare the disposable dry underwear.
Lastly, toilet training your mother should help curtail accidents. That involves just bringing her to the toilet on a regular schedule and having her go even if she says she doesn't need to. For instance, my friend's mom who has the same illness, is brought to the bathroom before and after eating, in particular, and my friend noticed that now, her mom will go on this schedule, even holding it in until she's bought to the restroom. Also helpful, for my mom, the aides and I started logging her daily drinks and the times she would pee or poop to get a better sense of her system. This helped us tremendously, and we were also able to get an idea of when she might have a UTI based on the change in frequency. Because of this, I created and sell a dry erase "medical wall calendar" of sorts that has places to write this type of information, so that all caregivers can keep track of things and share details. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like more info on this.
got to the point that I felt like I was living in the laundry room.I went on the computer and looked up seniors diapers /underwear. they were a bit expensive but these underwear diapers could hold up to six to eight hours of pee and poop before changing. of course I never left her in them that long but I figured if it would hold up to eight hours of pee its got to be strong. I brought one package to see how it would go. I put them in a bag so she couldn't see what they were. I told her they were a new senior type of underwear . I told her that I brought them because they were light weight and they would be easier to take on and off. she wasn't sure she liked them. so I told her I would help her get them on and off and she agreed to wear them. THANK GOD.......cause I hated that laundry room. they also deliver.....
as far as repeating yourself to her, there is no cure for that. and be prepaid because it only gets worse. so each time she starts to complain about the underwear I tell her mom you picked them out for me to buy. she says oh your right I did....
the underwear comes in diaper material but also soft material that you could get away with as underwear...
you will be surprised how much of the pee smell has gone away with the underwear. now it all hits you at once when you take them off her...lol...
good luck........
Thx
planeturine.com
Make sure all her disposable underwear already have the poise pad inserted before you put them in her dresser drawer in case she changes herself. Also handy to have an extra pair near the commode in case she goes in alone and needs to change.
If you are taking her on schedule, when she sits on the pot, tell her to lean forward to more completly empty her bladder. She might also benefit from a visit to a urologist. A sonogram would show if she is emptying her bladder completely when she goes to the bathroom. There is medication that can help with that if needed. It’s a simple test that requires no prep.
A bedside commode is helpful at night and depending on how far to her bathroom perhaps safer.
I wasn’t a fan of the bedside commode during the day because my mother wasn’t in the bed and she needed the exercise of going to the bathroom but she wasn’t totally imcontinent either so there is that to consider.
Long story short, I just wanted to point out the difficulty/impossibility we've personally had trying to get a dementia patient to use a night commode as opposed to someone with higher cognition, and I am pre-expressing my abject fear of what to do once incontinence garments become necessary; just judging from his behavior now toward the commode and bottle, the sh*t will hit the fan (no pun intended) once we put him in those. He will happily, readily rip those off at every turn and chance, just like the sling and splint his broken arm was in. They just came off for good less that a week ago, I do not know how we survived the fights with him to get him back into those every time he ripped them off, all day and night, every day and night. We could not turn our backs for a second. When told again that he must leave these things alone and in place so the broken bone could heal, he would look us right in the eye while fiddling with the straps trying to get it off and say "What? I'm not doing anything, what are you talking about? What is a sling? My arm's not broken" and every time he went into the bathroom, he'd rip at least the sling off yet again, if not both. He had broken his humerus, and given the location of the break, the orthopedist said it was virtually impossible to put the arm in any other type of cast than this velcro strap-closure 2 piece splint. I had to use a large amount of crisscrossed strips of duct-tape on the straps just to keep him from being able to rip them open and pull it off. This worked well until the swelling went down enough- then he just started yanking the whole splint down and off. I honestly do not know how his arm healed as well as it did! Anyway, I guess I needed to vent all of this myself, I didn't mean to unload it as a reply to you. I think the mention of the night commode made it all spill out! Best of luck to all of us, but to original poster too; I can absolutely sympathize. and I will be going through the exact same once Dad needs undergarments. I wish I had some suggestions!
With all the choices now a days show the pix to your mom & ask her to choose which brand she would like more - once she gets used to it then start adding something more economical occationally until you are all the best buy but the small extra cost is nothing compared to her keeping some dignity & reducing your work load
It is my own belief that one thing that makes people with dementia so difficult at times is their lack of choice - when mom needed a new wheelchair & I was asked what colour so I said let's ask her & she was quite pleased to be able to make her own choice [royal blue] - so I started asking her to make simple choices like 'do you want to stay in the common room or go to your room' or 'which of these drinks would you like .. orange or lemon' - she liked feeling that she was making some decisions for herself - I did this with my kids too so it was 'do you want mustard or ketchup on your hot dog?' & they liked to feel they had a pick in their meal
I've read all suggestions.... ok I put one of MY PADS nxt to toilet. I explained to her about them first.
Here's what i'm going to try.
Ive taken away her undies but i'm going to return them, just 3-4 with a pad inserted & put in drawer... LOVE THIS IDEA...
she's terribly embarrassed over urinating & is shy with me.
I explained to her, " emily honey I know it's very hard to walk fast with your aching legs, so just in case you can't get there in time, i'll put these in bathroom, I use them also & hell i'm 60" ok?
She smiled...... said thank you.
I'll let ya all know ...& I'm caught up on laundry! 😊