91 year old Mom with dementia wakes up 3-5 am and complains of weakness. Anyone else deal with this?

AS, My 91 yr old mother does not live with me but she too goes to bed early, and has difficulty in sleeping or waking up early and then she is very anxious and weak the next day. She has dementia and gets upset over everything and when I think I have finally explained things to her so she can understand she will back up and go over the same anxiety and fears. I believe they are severe panic attack. She seems to be afraid of everything and she lives in a nice place with help for her but she does not get along well with others and isolates herself. I have a chronic illness and cannot be there everyday but try to send hubby when I cannot go. She is only 5 minutes from me but just like the handle on her refrigerator broke today and she was so upset she could not think straight. When she panics she cannot remember anything and her heart races. I am afraid she is not eating healthy and bring her food often. But, she will eat the junk stuff and not the roast beef. She did eat the spaghetti and meatballs I made but she has access a dinning room with real chefs for cooks but does not have a friend to eat with her and is afraid to eat alone in front of others. She can bring it to her room but she does not want to be seen in the dinning room. She is paranoid that everyone is watching her. The doc gave he Atavan to help her sleep and relax at night but she will not take them. She threw away a whole bottle and then wished she had them. But, when she has them she will not take them and if I tell the doc, I don't know what he will do and if he upsets her, she will guit going. It is very difficult to get her to go as it is. She is becoming so frail, I am afraid her heart will fail but don't know what to do to help her help herself. Her nerves run up her blood pressure and she will not keep a record for the doc as he asked her too. So, it is high when she goes to him because she had the "White Coat Syndrome" although he does not wear his white coat. lol And just when she has a good day, the next day she will be worse again. It is worse than a yo yo up and down from minute to minute and she calls all day and tells me the same thing over and over. I listen and am patient but then it begins to wear on my nerves since I don't know what else to do for her. She is really a basket case and needs more medicine but she brags to everyone her age and that she does not take any medicine but it is killing her and me.

I did not mean to unload to answer your question about your mother getting up and calling you during the night but I believe they are panic attacks like my mother has and I wish I knew what we could do to help the. I just believe they are so confused and afraid of dying, they are in a constant state of panic when they feel they are alone. But, we cannot be there every minute and if you don't get your rest, you will not be able to help care for your mother. I admit having them live with you is the worst case. They are so Dependant on us but yet want ot de independent. It seems to be a non-win situation since they are so anxious and afraid. My concern and prayers are with you and your family. I know you must feel so worn out. I hope you have the opportunity to take time for yourself. It is essential if you are to be her caregiver in your home. God bless you for all you are doing and the sacrifices you are making to take good care of your mother. I had no idea it could get his difficult to care for them but it is a tough job in which one seems to appreciate and the more you do the more they expect. I feel older than my mother at times with my own health issues. Life is tough even under the best circumstances. Someone recently told me we are the 'Sandwich Generation" between caring for our family and our elderly parents we have no life, we are sandwiched in between all the problems and tough situations that offer no answers for us caregivers and I don't want to lose my mother, this hurts me so much.

My warmest wishes and Hugs,

Sunny:)

Thank you Sunny... I feel your pain.. I am so sorry you have to go through this with your Mom.. We went back to her Dr. today , she had been on lexapro for 6 wks. but the panic attacks obviously have been getting worse...We are going to ween her off of the lexapro. Hopefully she'll go back to the occasional PA,, i can't take this every night ones she's been having....

Try to keep her more active during the day, then give her a lite snack, peanut butter crackers, small yogurt or ice cream with a little protein powder mixed in before bedtime.

I don't know if she drinks wine, but my mom has a small glass of wine in the evening and this knocks her out so she sleeps through the night.

Your last option may be to give her a Tylenol pm, melatonin, or ZZZ-Quil which can also help her sleep thru the night.