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The week end caregiver is having a more difficult time with this,she does have bad arthritis in her knees,but it doesn't seem to bother her that she messes the bed and stays in it. Could it be possible that she really doesn't care about being dirty?
I'm a little confused here. Your profile says that your mother has mobility issues. Does she have dementia, too?
With dementia just about anything is possible. Is she "deliberately" messing the bed? I guess that depends on what you mean by "deliberately." Does she know what she is doing? Maybe. Is she doing it for a reason, such as to get attention? Perhaps, but not highly likely. Is it possible that she doesn't care? Yes, possible.
Why would this behavior occur mostly on weekends? Does this caregiver not attend to her promptly enough? Does Mom usually need help getting to the toilet?
As I say, I'm confused, so maybe a little additional description would help.
In general, persons with dementia are not able to be deliberately manipulative -- they just don't have the executive function to do that.
Good questions, jeannegibbs. Also, scorpio, could she be doing this as a way of saying she does not like the weekend caregiver. And if so is there a valid reason she doesn't like the caregiver or is it just not wanting a caregiver?
Dear Scorpio, I didn't know my MIL is at your house! We are going through this now with my MIL in her rehab facility, and from my experience YES it could be on purpose. My MIL will look particular aides in the eyes and poop on herself, but with the ones that are sticky sweet and offer her pity she gets herself to toilet on time. There are no accidents here. The one thing I did was to request that 100% of the possible medical/neurological possibilities be ruled out once and for all so she couldn't keep saying she couldn't help it. Once the tests were completed and she was told by the Dr, with my husband and I present, along with nurses and her aides, it stopped. I asked facility to stop babying her and if she poops/pees on herself make her clean herself up. Guess what? No "messes" since that day. I have learned that if I calmly remove all excuses for bad behavior and prove to her she is choosing it, the behavior changes because her image is at risk. By the way, the only thing the particular aides did to prompt her pooping was to not pity her enough and not sneak her foods she can't eat. Good Luck....this is a tough road we have chosen to take.
Even with moderate dementia, I assume she can still answer poop-related questions as long as your approach isn't accusatory or threatening in any way. For the moment, I'd get engage her in some kind of activity. A tailpipe's cycle gets thrown off when we lay around after every meal.
She isn't my mother,but she may as well be,in the last 5 years ,I have spent most of my time with her.I do 24 hr care 5 days a week with week ends off. When I started I was more of a companion than care giver. Have had issues in the past with the week end help. But it is really hard for me to think that this woman would be capable of messing the bed on purpose,but when it is was brought to her attention she wouldn't get out of bed to get cleaned up.Even if she had issues with the caregiver,why would she subject herself to that. To be stubborn or in control. This is a well educated sophisticated woman we are talking about. I am at a loss. Thanks for all of your in put ,glad I found this link.
Eddie, you'd be surprised what even early-stage dementia patients can sometimes not answer. Asking, in a non-accusatory way, is worth a shot, but I suspect it has already been tried before coming here.
Dementia puts the caregivers in a role similar to parents of very young children. We know something is wrong, but they can't tell us that their ears hurt or that older brother was mean to them. The elder can talk, but not always tell us what we want to know.
The fact that this happens consistently on weekends, when a different caregiver is on duty, is a clue. It might have something to do with activity levels, but then I'd expect it to happen Sunday and Monday.
Caregivers need to wear not only Florence Nightengale's crisp white hat, but also the deerstalker hat of Sherlock Holmes!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
With dementia just about anything is possible. Is she "deliberately" messing the bed? I guess that depends on what you mean by "deliberately." Does she know what she is doing? Maybe. Is she doing it for a reason, such as to get attention? Perhaps, but not highly likely. Is it possible that she doesn't care? Yes, possible.
Why would this behavior occur mostly on weekends? Does this caregiver not attend to her promptly enough? Does Mom usually need help getting to the toilet?
As I say, I'm confused, so maybe a little additional description would help.
In general, persons with dementia are not able to be deliberately manipulative -- they just don't have the executive function to do that.
There are no accidents here. The one thing I did was to request that 100% of the possible medical/neurological possibilities be ruled out once and for all so she couldn't keep saying she couldn't help it.
Once the tests were completed and she was told by the Dr, with my husband and I present, along with nurses and her aides, it stopped. I asked facility to stop babying her and if she poops/pees on herself make her clean herself up.
Guess what? No "messes" since that day.
I have learned that if I calmly remove all excuses for bad behavior and prove to her she is choosing it, the behavior changes because her image is at risk.
By the way, the only thing the particular aides did to prompt her pooping was to not pity her enough and not sneak her foods she can't eat.
Good Luck....this is a tough road we have chosen to take.
Dementia puts the caregivers in a role similar to parents of very young children. We know something is wrong, but they can't tell us that their ears hurt or that older brother was mean to them. The elder can talk, but not always tell us what we want to know.
The fact that this happens consistently on weekends, when a different caregiver is on duty, is a clue. It might have something to do with activity levels, but then I'd expect it to happen Sunday and Monday.
Caregivers need to wear not only Florence Nightengale's crisp white hat, but also the deerstalker hat of Sherlock Holmes!