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My question is about asking an elderly, dementia patient to begin to pay rent.
Mil moved in with us several years ago. At that time, we had no need to ask her for rent money, so she volunteered to pay a couple of utility bills instead.
My husband is semi-retired, he had planned to retire keeping a day a week to supplement our income. Unfortunately, his company went under due to the Covid pandemic, and now we must consider moving out of state, placing mil in assisted living, or ask her for fair rent that she can very comfortably afford.
The problem is, she has dementia and, although she could understand our asking, I'm not sure about the legality of it. And my sil will show up again after mil dies, if ya catch my meaning.
All of the state laws (CA) seem to lean towards just placing her into a nursing home and turning over all of her retirement income and savings to them. The ombudsmen programs seem to be support for after a person is placed, so I'm not sure if they could help advise.
My husband is the Trustee and has a POA, but it's not very helpful here. Mil didn't really think about end of life being she can no longer think for herself, but the law of the land would continue just the same. She always thought she would drop dead in her house one day and her Trust would avoid putting her kids through probate. It's so much more complicated.
I doubt she would last long in a facility. Ten years ago, she would have easily settled into the right facility, but she chose not to interact with the decision making, apparently instead choosing to remain steadfastly, cross-armed angry at her boyfriend who just moved out after a tizzy fit fight. I had nothing to offer, but my home. She's so frail now, I think she'd just get depressed and wither away in a facility. It seems less insane, and far less expensive, to have her start to pay a fair rent. If we place her, we will either move or rent her space. That sounds so silly, and inhumane.

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Yes, you waited too long. She now does not have the ability to sign a contract and that is what needs to be done. And not just because of sister but because she may need Medicaid at some point and they go back 5 years. So, you would need to show why you are getting a certain amt of money a month.

"All of the state laws (CA) seem to lean towards just placing her into a nursing home and turning over all of her retirement income and savings to them."

The above only happens if a person has no family or family doesn't want to be involved in the persons care. Your husband is her POA. Have him read the POA, is it immediate or Spring? Immediate means his responsibilities could start when she signed the POA. Springing means she has to be found incompetent by one or two doctors before its in effect. If doctor diagnosis is needed, take her to a neurologist. From there you figure out what assets she has and then go from there. With me I placed Mom in an AL in hopes her house would sell. She was pretty much into her Dementia by then. If they had a Memory Care unit she probably would have been placed there. The house didn't sell and after 8 months the money was running out and I needed to place her in Longterm care. I applied for Medicaid in April, placed Mom in LTC May 1st and she paid privately for May and June. That used up her money. In June I confirmed she was spent down, Medicaid had info needed and Medicaid started July 1st. My State only allows 90 days from date of application to spend down the money, get them info needed and place Mom. If ur MIL has no assets other than her monthly income, you will just need to place her in LTC with Medicaid paying. Her SS and any pension will go toward her care.
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That's such a great answer. Thank you. I will ask, and I kind of thought that was the case. There are lots of good reasons for the system to function as it does, and sometimes situations fall into cracks or don't fit just right. Extra thanks for the insight into the workings. Best to you ma!
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