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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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He will say he needs to go, but then he refuses to follow through. He will not let me help him get his pants down and when I let him do it on his own he can not get his clothes back up and also he doesn't clean himself.
brenda, the toileting problems can be exasperating when someone has advanced dementia. Teepa Snow has some very good advice when it comes to handling someone with Alz. She made several videos on how to address the combative type behaviors. I can imagine that in a situation like this, your husband probably feels that you having to help him is telling him that he is not competent to do it himself. I wanted to bump this question back to the top to see if others had ideas on how you could approach your husband so he wouldn't see it as a challenge. Are his pants easy to take off and slip back on? How does he behave when you offer to help him clean himself? I wonder if there is a way to let him know that you are working with him, instead of against him.
I know this isn't your fault at all. Many people go through the same thing. I am just hoping someone has some helpful comments.
BTW, many of the Teepa Snow videos are available on You-Tube. If you google her name, you can find many of them. They are so helpful in dealing with Alz.
My cousin had issues when she first started with incontinence. The staff at her regular assisted living didn't quite understand her toileting accidents. They didn't get why she wouldn't take her panties off to use the bathroom. Eventually, she started using depends, which worked out much better.
I'm no expert, but from what I have read and heard, the dementia patient loses the ability to get the mental signal from one part of the brain to the body. So, he may want to pull his pants down, but the brain is not sending the hands the right signal and it can't happen. He may feel he has to go to the bathroom, but the signals are not going in the right direction. It must be frustrating, but there has to be some practical care application.
With my cousin, the Memory Care staff now place her on the toilet at certain times of the day. (morning, after lunch, after dinner, before bed,) I think that she goes at those times, but she also goes in her depends and they check those regularly and change them when needed. She is used to it now and it doesn't seem to bother her at all. She has no no infections or rashes.
I know it's a difficult thing to insist on, but if it's necessary, I think I would insist. You can explain why, keeping in mind that his ability to understand how keeping him and the house clean has been impaired. Convincing him or hoping that he will pick this skill back up is not likely, but you can discuss it with his doctor. You might see if something other than dementia is causing the problem.
my mom refuses to wear the diaper.. she will use a pad, but only if I nag her. I do her laundry and it is a mess. changes clothes about 4 times a day. and then hides the wet ,soiled ones..it is always a battle..good luck with your husband.
Take away all the underwear except for the depends and if they are argumentive and like their doctor, daughter, son or a person they really really LIKE say that ____said these are better for your skin and you are to try them for several weeks. Or they are free and we are going to tell them how they feel after several days.
Sometimes, just 'doing it' without asking questions helps. Also, perhaps, if they have respect for the doctor, have the doctor 'write an order'....write it out on a prescription pad by the dr, that says, depends underwear should be worn for two weeks or something like that....because if the dr says to do something, some people are very cooperative. By the time the deadline comes, it will be a routine. Or perhaps, if there are funds, it's time to think about a caregiver coming in for part of the day, to help with bathroom functioning and showering. My dad would not accept Mom's help, but after a PT caregiver, was there for a few weeks, and she knew how to communicate with dementia pts, she got the routine going, and then he did not resist the help by anyone. He got used to the idea that someone was going to walk him to the bathroom and assist and no one asked. It's like when potty training a child....the helper takes control of the timing....as soon as awake, before and after meals, before and after leaving the house for an app't , and before bed. If awake in middle of the night, assume the BR is needed first..... and don't ask. Just take their hand and say, 'Come with me. It's time for the bathroom."
I am going thru this with my husband and he is very confused too. I do like you say, take control over the situation and it works. I also tell him I have little accidents too and he laughs and feels better then.
I agree about trying to comfort the patient. Even with dementia, my cousin knew that she was not going to the toilet right. I told her that she should not worry and that no one had a perfect bladder and that I certainly didn't. I told her the depends were just a precaution until she healed. It seemed to reassure her. Of course, she has no memory of that now and she is double incontinent.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I know this isn't your fault at all. Many people go through the same thing. I am just hoping someone has some helpful comments.
I'm no expert, but from what I have read and heard, the dementia patient loses the ability to get the mental signal from one part of the brain to the body. So, he may want to pull his pants down, but the brain is not sending the hands the right signal and it can't happen. He may feel he has to go to the bathroom, but the signals are not going in the right direction. It must be frustrating, but there has to be some practical care application.
With my cousin, the Memory Care staff now place her on the toilet at certain times of the day. (morning, after lunch, after dinner, before bed,) I think that she goes at those times, but she also goes in her depends and they check those regularly and change them when needed. She is used to it now and it doesn't seem to bother her at all. She has no no infections or rashes.
I know it's a difficult thing to insist on, but if it's necessary, I think I would insist. You can explain why, keeping in mind that his ability to understand how keeping him and the house clean has been impaired. Convincing him or hoping that he will pick this skill back up is not likely, but you can discuss it with his doctor. You might see if something other than dementia is causing the problem.