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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
You just have the hard conversation. Find a time when both of you are calm and preference with a nice lunch or stop for coffee. Have your research available and calmly tell them you love them and want to help the understand and plan for their options before something bad happens where they may not have such choices.
Be prepared to have the conversation frequently and reinforce. Visit some of the places in your area and keep an open mind regarding in home care services.
If there are friends or others who've made the transition, visit them with your loved one.
Now, I will say, I have been doing this for several yrs with my independent and stubborn mom...she has resisted to date...but I've done all of the above every chance I get...she finally gets the message. She hasn't agreed to a move, but at least she understands how it works and we've discussed what will happen under various scenarios.
It's not easy and I haven't had a success story, but I have made progress over time in that the message of what will happen under various scenarios is finally comprehended. Most of all, she knows I will not be the one to take care of her and how the finances can work to provide for her care.
PS..if they can't take care of themselves presently, enlist her dr and their offices social worker to initiate the conversation and present options. You can then reinforce and set things in motion. Expect tears, drama, and resistance.
I'm in my 50s and my husband and I have long term care insurance, plus we've had frank discussions with our adult children of our wishes. We've talked and enlisted our long time trusted friends to help our children and or spouse carry out our plan -- as I'm sure when my time comes, I likely will be stubborn and resistant thinking I can still care for myself and causing my children undue stress and guilt!! I tell my children constantly that I don't want them to go thru what we are going thru with our elderly parents.
It's often best to have a third party help you out. This can be the doctor or even a life-long friend. Family dynamics can get in the way when the "child" tells the parent that it's time. I'm not saying it's ever easy, but having someone who is not a family member - clergy? - can often help make it happen. Good luck, Carol
I so agree with Sunflo. The time to start the conversation and the research is long before the actual time when care is needed. It's like looking at colleges, you don't do that the day you graduate from High School. And look at all levels of care, IL, AL and NH, hopefully in tiered facility. You just never know what is going to happen, and when.
I started years before my mother actually had to move in with me of "planting a bug in her ear" that one day she and I would come to a crossroads on how her living arrangements would be. She didn't want to hear or discuss it, but I would still say it out loud,every time we communicated I would throw it into the discussions even for a few seconds, just a constant little reminder.One day we hit that "crossroads" and although it was horribly emotional it wasn't a complete shock,still shocking but not completely and that did actually help.Every family is different,my goal was to try to have a game plan before "something" happened.
Ideally, this should be an ongoing conversation within families. I don't mean to imply that every holiday gathering has to be about what kind of care Mom and Dad will want in ten years, but an ongoing conversation means that adult children have a good idea of what their elders would choose under differing circumstances.
Unfortunately, this is still rather a rare scenario. More often than not, people are left scrambling to try to make decisions in a crisis. And even with the best planning, a crisis can't always be avoided. It's tough all around but it's life.
Take care, all of you terrific people in this community. I love the way you help each other. Carol
In our case, we THOUGHT we had planned, but it turned out that we worked on false assumptions and believed what mom told us! 1 do your own research about what care costs; mom told us stuff like "you can only go to X if you have a million dollars in liquid assets, I called and asked " well, no, that wasn't what they told her, but never mind. Call these places yourself!
2. We assumed that mom would be able to "age in place" with care. We didn't forsee that her increasing anxiety, depression , isolation and panic would upend our lives. Prepare for the unexpected!
Be very careful about the financials. Its true that some places may require a million is assets, especially if their buy-in is about $400, 000 and the monthly rent is $3000. There's other expenses to Life besides your rent....eyeglasses might cost $400 now, but in 10 yrs maybe they cost $1000. Add some gifts, clothing, trip to grandkid's wedding, and your wine club dues, and youve got another 10-20, 000 a year expenses. And if you live for another 15 years you dont want to have given that much money to this wonderful place that doesn't accept Medicaid.
in a singing telegram. na na na NA hey there mom , your getting old and sick . back in the army , they called it broke d*ck . you cant live alone , as you desire . you keep falling down , and starting fires .
you cant live with us , too much on our plates . i think youd do better at clapboard estates . theyve cleaned the place up , its swept and mopped . they fired the euthenizin nurse , and all charges were dropped ..
Look, mom said if we took her car away she'd be dead in six months. That was May of 2013. We took the car anyway. You cannot reason with dementia, any more than you can reason with a three year old. You do what you have to do to keep them safe. Neither one knows what is good for them. And mom? Alive and well and living at Assisted Living.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Be prepared to have the conversation frequently and reinforce. Visit some of the places in your area and keep an open mind regarding in home care services.
If there are friends or others who've made the transition, visit them with your loved one.
Now, I will say, I have been doing this for several yrs with my independent and stubborn mom...she has resisted to date...but I've done all of the above every chance I get...she finally gets the message. She hasn't agreed to a move, but at least she understands how it works and we've discussed what will happen under various scenarios.
It's not easy and I haven't had a success story, but I have made progress over time in that the message of what will happen under various scenarios is finally comprehended. Most of all, she knows I will not be the one to take care of her and how the finances can work to provide for her care.
I'm in my 50s and my husband and I have long term care insurance, plus we've had frank discussions with our adult children of our wishes. We've talked and enlisted our long time trusted friends to help our children and or spouse carry out our plan -- as I'm sure when my time comes, I likely will be stubborn and resistant thinking I can still care for myself and causing my children undue stress and guilt!! I tell my children constantly that I don't want them to go thru what we are going thru with our elderly parents.
Carol
Unfortunately, this is still rather a rare scenario. More often than not, people are left scrambling to try to make decisions in a crisis. And even with the best planning, a crisis can't always be avoided. It's tough all around but it's life.
Take care, all of you terrific people in this community. I love the way you help each other.
Carol
2. We assumed that mom would be able to "age in place" with care. We didn't forsee that her increasing anxiety, depression , isolation and panic would upend our lives. Prepare for the unexpected!
na na na NA
hey there mom , your getting old and sick .
back in the army , they called it broke d*ck .
you cant live alone , as you desire .
you keep falling down , and starting fires .
you cant live with us , too much on our plates .
i think youd do better at clapboard estates .
theyve cleaned the place up , its swept and mopped .
they fired the euthenizin nurse , and all charges were dropped ..
And mom? Alive and well and living at Assisted Living.