My aunt was diagnosed with early stage 5 dementia a couple of months ago. She has good and bad days. Lately, she's been focusing her time on a teddy bear that she thinks is her daughter -- sleeps, cares, and talks to it. I have used this forum as a resource for everything behavioral and I've read quite a few posts that says it's good for them and gives them purpose which it has... However, there's been a couple of times where she would cry and say her baby isn't breathing and has died. I don't really know what to do... I don't want to ignore it, but also don't know how to address it. Do I take the teddy bear away or continue to let her care for it? Her mood changes day by day -- one day, the teddy died and the next, it's sleeping with her and gives her joy. I would appreciate your input.
I think it's quite sweet to see, and it does no one any harm.
Perhaps next time she says that it has died, you can just go along with things and tell her that you will try giving it mouth to mouth, or that you will take it to the doctor.
Bless you for looking after your aunt.
My grannie loved her baby doll and we always put her down for her nap so we could cruise around the NH and visit. We bought new clothes, changed her diaper when it got saggy from to much loving and made a fuss about how big she was getting, just like a real baby. It worked and grannie was satisfied that all was well when we went cruising.
I wouldn't take her bear away, it gives her too much pleasure. Is there a heartbeat bear that is close to what she has?
Also, if possible when your aunt's teddy bear has recovered from a near death experience, is it possible to gift the bear with a scarf or some sort of gift? Reinforcing a positive outcome for your aunt might reduce the possibility of a reccuring teddy bear terminal illness and lessen her stress overall.
There are animals that have features like heart beats and they make noises, cats purr.
But it is possible that none of these would work or give her comfort like the teddy bear she has. (try telling a parent that lost a child that another can replace the one that died)
If you are with her when the "teddy bear dies" try to reassure her that it is just sleeping and the breathing and heart beat slows when they are sleeping. Tell her that the Teddy Bear will be ok when he/she wakes up. Then try to redirect, "let's go get a snack ready for Teddy when he wakes up and we can have some tea now."
Grandma1954 has another good idea, but she may still prefer her teddy bear. If she does have times when she cries over the bear and what she imagines it is only to provide her comfort, to tell her you are sorry, ask her if there is anything you can do, comfort her.
Do know that for her this is very real. Taking it away would likely be very painful for her. It was the opinion of Oliver Sack who lifelong studied the mind, that their worlds are very real, just so different and alien from our own that we can't understand that. So our deficits are perhaps as severe as hers? Many things are beyond explanation and understanding. This is but one of them.
There is always 'something for you to do' for your Aunt when dementia is involved; there is always comfort to offer or a shoulder for her to cry on. Of course nothing is going to stop or slow down her decline, until the blessed peace of her transition occurs. But in the meantime, offer her all the comfort you can, and have been. A baby doll is often a great source of comfort for dementia patients, so it may be worth your while to buy one for your Aunt to see how she likes it.
Best of luck.
All the responses here are right about when she thinks it has died. Just reassure her that it isn't so.
My 99-yr old aunt with mod/sev dementia helped raise me from birth but never had children of her own. She has fixated on a llama-like multi-colored stuffed animal as her baby. The irony is that she and her housemate sister made and purchased numerous dolls over the years, many that even look just like newborns. Her house is full of them in every room. But those she is not interested in. Just the weird rainbow colored llama. Perhaps because it is very soft and not hard and plastic-y like the dolls.
Please give the newborns to a non-profit that supports single mothers with young children - if you haven't done this already. I think BOYS need to have dolls to . . . to learn how to be good fathers.
Gena / Touch Matters
up there and are close so she can hold them and talk to them. They make her smile and laugh. She often says ‘ Have you seen this? His big eyes are so funny.’ ( i pretend they are new to me even tho i brought them awhle back) So very thankful her level of dementia has made her childlike and happy alot with simple things like toys, ice cream, hersey kisses and bananas.
You can bring it back before long (maybe the next day) because she probably won't remember. Nothing wrong with her keeping the Teddy if it seems to bring her comfort.
1) it is taking a nap . . . that's a GREAT idea for you, too - want to take a nap with your xxx" S/he'd love that !
2) It is sleeping after a very long day. It feels good resting now.
3) Do not take it away ---
IMPORTANT:
a). use it as a model of behavior which would be helpful / healthy for her to emulate (i.e., rest, be calm, feel loved, someone to talk to, etc.)
b). You never want to take something away WITHOUT replacing it.
* I'd say as long as she isn't eating it or being self-destruction that the attachment is healthy for her. In addition, you could get her a cat or dog that move and make noises like real ones. (And keep the bear and/or see how she proceeds.). There is no reason to take it away.
* She may be thinking or realizing 'somewhere in her brain' that death is part of life - even though she won't understand this. For her to 'think' like this is a way to release feellings of grief and sadness - feelings that often are stuffed in / down and would be best felt. You can easily divert her attention or focus of what the bear is actually doing (sleeping, relaxing, having a lovely dream OF HER !)
Gena / Touch Matters
Let her keep the teddy bear. If it dies then say poor teddy console her but don't take it away. I know it will be repeating yourself but its part of their mind don't disrupt it or you may have more problems.
Prayers to you and your aunt.
When she is, are you able to console her? You could try developing the conversation to explore what else might be involved in these thoughts and feelings, but dig gently!
Keep some extra stuffed animals on hand, and when she's down, change the subject and tell her she has a nursery to care for. At stage five, her mind is like a child. She isn't the grown-up that you knew. This is the most sad disease known to mankind in my opinion.
Polishing silver, organizing drawers, folding wash cloths. Praise her good work and encourage a full schedule.