My aunt was diagnosed with early stage 5 dementia a couple of months ago. She has good and bad days. Lately, she's been focusing her time on a teddy bear that she thinks is her daughter -- sleeps, cares, and talks to it. I have used this forum as a resource for everything behavioral and I've read quite a few posts that says it's good for them and gives them purpose which it has... However, there's been a couple of times where she would cry and say her baby isn't breathing and has died. I don't really know what to do... I don't want to ignore it, but also don't know how to address it. Do I take the teddy bear away or continue to let her care for it? Her mood changes day by day -- one day, the teddy died and the next, it's sleeping with her and gives her joy. I would appreciate your input.
I wish you well!
I would keep anything that calms her or gives her joy - even if on bad days she targets the bear. You don't know how many more bad days she might have, or how bad her bad day might be, without it.
Sadly, there will be more bad days to come. All the tips, tricks and techniques to give her joy now is a plus.
She introduced her bear to us teenagers. He was dressed smart! Shirt & jacket, maybe a hat even. They had been to the races. She had a nice dress & lippy on. They had had a great day.
We all had a great time chatting on the train. We were surprised... but played along, stayed polite.
After she & bear alighted, we debriefed. Even as teens we agreed: if that bear made her happy, replaced her dead husband or whatever, we accepted it.
After all, we all want someone to love.
(and some kindhearted folk to help us)
Doesn't matter: the important thing is that the lady can express herself through play with the bear. It *might* become a problem if the anxiety and sadness escalate (though I still wouldn't just take the bear away) but it doesn't sound as if that's the case?
I was visiting with a family and their mother. They had purchased the cat for their mother and she REALLY loved it. She had it wrapped in a blanket. You could tell it bought her much comfort. They did say the batteries died one and she thought the cat was sick and needed to go to the vet.
Keep the bear.
Pretend calm concern and put your head on teddy's chest. Tell her it's not dead but instead in a non-lethal coma which is good for neurological repair.
Wrap teddy's head with a short ace bandage and in a whisper tell her that it was a good thing she discovered the situation in time. You could ask her if she thinks a blanket may be helpful.
After awhile, take off the bandage, and let her rewind it, or just take it off when she's not looking and stash it for the next time.
I don't have the exact same experience but depending on the day I've told my husband brief eye-crossing whoppers just to take his worries away.
I hate, hate doing that. It's very uncomfortable, but if it works what the heck. It soothes bad situations and saves time and nerves.
G-d how I miss adult interaction.
Polishing silver, organizing drawers, folding wash cloths. Praise her good work and encourage a full schedule.
Keep some extra stuffed animals on hand, and when she's down, change the subject and tell her she has a nursery to care for. At stage five, her mind is like a child. She isn't the grown-up that you knew. This is the most sad disease known to mankind in my opinion.
When she is, are you able to console her? You could try developing the conversation to explore what else might be involved in these thoughts and feelings, but dig gently!
Let her keep the teddy bear. If it dies then say poor teddy console her but don't take it away. I know it will be repeating yourself but its part of their mind don't disrupt it or you may have more problems.
Prayers to you and your aunt.
1) it is taking a nap . . . that's a GREAT idea for you, too - want to take a nap with your xxx" S/he'd love that !
2) It is sleeping after a very long day. It feels good resting now.
3) Do not take it away ---
IMPORTANT:
a). use it as a model of behavior which would be helpful / healthy for her to emulate (i.e., rest, be calm, feel loved, someone to talk to, etc.)
b). You never want to take something away WITHOUT replacing it.
* I'd say as long as she isn't eating it or being self-destruction that the attachment is healthy for her. In addition, you could get her a cat or dog that move and make noises like real ones. (And keep the bear and/or see how she proceeds.). There is no reason to take it away.
* She may be thinking or realizing 'somewhere in her brain' that death is part of life - even though she won't understand this. For her to 'think' like this is a way to release feellings of grief and sadness - feelings that often are stuffed in / down and would be best felt. You can easily divert her attention or focus of what the bear is actually doing (sleeping, relaxing, having a lovely dream OF HER !)
Gena / Touch Matters