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ferris1, I think enlightenme is wondering if her mom - adopted - has more complexities associated with dementia because of her uncertain early upbringing. My mom had a traumatic childhood - one of 6 kids pulled away from the family and sent 100 miles away to live with grandparents (from age 4-9) because her mom had a breakdown and couldn't take care of all of them. Chosen to be sent away because "she was the one who didn't cry." Then reintroduced into the family five years later. As she hearkens back to earlier memories, I see how greater upset comes to the surface. Yes, dementia is dementia, but I think dark early memories make the dementia darker as well.
The dynamic between the patient and caregiver is often rooted in relationships established decades prior. So if you didn't get along when you were little and mom was big, it just isn't going to change. On the other hand, if you loved your stepfather/foster mother/grandma it may be MORE painful to see them slip away. Children like that experience denial, they keep insisting mom is "fine". There's no easy answers. Old age is not for cowards.
Agreed. Background doesn't impact whether you get dementia or not. But I believe it can color what experiences and recollections are manifested as a result of the dementia.
As I read your question, it is your mother who was adopted? So was my aunt. I am interested in the answers, because I have suspected the influence of that on her behavior as her dementia brings her back to earlier memories and attitudes.
There is absolutely no documented evidence that being adopted has any relevance to dementia. Dementia attacks young, old, rich or poor, adopted or not, nice or not so nice. Stop grasping at straws.
My mother had a horrible mother and she was the eldest of eleven children. My husband was the eldest of seven children and beaten like my mother and both had/have dementia. But just because you have a horrible upbringing, does not determine how your dementia progresses. Neurons do not know the difference between a good family or bad family life. Nor do the plaques that seem to form inside the brain. Since no one alive has yet found out the secret to why one gets dementia, having a bad family was never a reason suggested.
I believe the elightenme was asking about whether because her mother was adopted she may be having even more confusion as to where home is. And, when she calls for her mamma I am wondering who she might be calling for? Would she be perhaps calling for her birth mom or her adoptive mom?
I do not see her question being about how the dementia will progress but more about how she will experience confusion. This is a very interesting and deep question and I am interested in the answer myself. Would love to read any insight for those who may have been through this type of experience with a loved one.
And ferris1, I'm sorry your parents had such a hard upbringing.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
On the other hand, if you loved your stepfather/foster mother/grandma it may be MORE painful to see them slip away. Children like that experience denial, they keep insisting mom is "fine".
There's no easy answers. Old age is not for cowards.
I do not see her question being about how the dementia will progress but more about how she will experience confusion. This is a very interesting and deep question and I am interested in the answer myself. Would love to read any insight for those who may have been through this type of experience with a loved one.
And ferris1, I'm sorry your parents had such a hard upbringing.
Dementia care is stressful work no matter who the client is...