I am really curious about this, because my mom’s facility does this and it seems like a cruel thing to do to people who are in the beginning stages of dementia. They share all three meals at tables of 2 to 6 other residents. They have assigned seats at the table and eat with the same people each meal. Every few months and without notice, the residents enter the dining room and all the name tags have all been changed. The aides help them find their new tables. This typically results in a few days of upset, some crying, some anger, and certainly anxiety. I know these folks quite well (I volunteer there) and they are struggling with memory issues and trying to remain independent as best possible. I know how tentative and insecure they can feel. To me this seems completely out of touch and pointless (they really don’t socialize in general so it doesn’t matter who they sit with), but I am still fairly new to the AL scene and don’t know the normal protocols. Perhaps there is some benefit that escapes me.
I would speak to a director and indicate the positives you feel with staying at the same table with certain others. The people at my mother's table were kind and I recall their concern when my mother had to have an outpatient procedure done. I grew to recognize them and feel fondness for them.
I hope your wishes are recognized and given merit.
There is validity in keeping the seating the same.
I can understand if a few people are having problems with the table mates that have but switching them should solve the problem without changing everyone.
My mother would be very upset if she was forced to do what your mothers does.
As you said:
“results in a few days of upset, some crying, some anger, and certainly anxiety”
ALF management prefers to deal with family members on individual and case by case basis because they would only need to address issues for one resident at a time. We have been trying to establish a Family Council to identify any issues/deficiencies/inequities, suggest recommendations, corrective actions, and/or preventative actions to the ALF management. We feel there is strength in numbers, ALF is more likely to listen and take action when there is more than just one family member voicing concerns. The hard part is 'forming' a family council though. If you intend to keep your LO at the ALF and are concern about their quality of life there, form Family Council.