My 87 y.o. father lives (big mistake) with my husband and I. He has lived with us for 4 years and has made not 1 friend. He thinks we are the 3 amigos. We used to bring him to outings with our friends but he stares, comments with things like "are you going to use a knife to cut that food?" or asks our friends (in our 50's) if they knew so and so (from when he went to school or from his old town) or he talks about old cars and just subjects that don't relate. He is too cool (and young) to go to a Sr. Center, or volunteer. We tell him repeatedly the coffee shop down the street has a group of guys that meet for coffee/and every morning. He won't bother. He comments on Facebook to girls that are mutual friend of our daughters about their looks and puts hearts on their pictures etc . It's just creepy. He latched onto any younger person that he interacts with like nurses etc. It's quite annoying and embarrassing. He walks with a cane, poorly, he looks every year his age. He has always be a skirt chaser but we thought he would grow old gracefully .....But he thinks he's Don Juan.
My mother is 94 this month. She goes on & ON about how she looks so much younger & how nobody can believe she's 94. Up until The Plague hit, she was having her hair dyed BLONDE every month, like clockwork! The only woman in the entire Memory Care who was having her hair dyed..........which must have contributed to that Youthful Glow, I don't know. That and the 3 jars of wrinkle cream she goes thru every month.
Last time she told me how young everyone thought she was, I told her I didn't think she looked a day over 93 and a half. She huffed & puffed a bit, I snickered, and she changed the subject.
I'd quit taking Don Juan out with my friends, if it were me, and have your friends remove him from their friends list on FB, if anyone's still left on that site these days. Some people never do anything gracefully, let alone grow old that way. I think it's really inappropriate for an old geezer to be leaving heart emojis and 'looks' comments on young girls' posts myself.
As far as the (big mistake) goes, look into Independent Living apartments in the area for dad to live in. Who knows? Maybe he'll meet a girlfriend there and a whole new life will open up to him! We all need love, right?
Is he still driving? If he is one who can be helped from dementia meds, better get him tested by a neurologist and make sure his legal paperwork is in good order.
My DH aunt, 94, can be very off color. She used to enjoy shocking young women with her comments. They would giggle at whatever she said. She would tell everyone to bring her a man. Need anything from the grocery auntie? Just a good man she would say. Annoying but harmless. Then she got more graphic. At one time she accused an elderly neighbor of making a pass. Did this happen, I don’t know but she wanted to talk about it a lot. Nothing I wanted to hear. I changed the subject. Looking back I realize that it’s been part of the dementia and one of the earlier symptoms.
His social filters are diminishing would be my thought.
I'd be looking into curbing his Facebook activities, or ask your daughter to put Dad on an "Acquaintances" list. Then when she posts, she can set her privacy to "Custom," and then "Friends except Acquaintances." I've done that with former coworkers who insisted on friending me but whom I never wanted to know about my personal business. Your dad will not see most of your daughter's posts unless she allows him to, but he'll still be friends with her.
I hope your dad has a competent understanding PCP, because I’m thinking he MAY have gone over the edge, especially in relation to his overt and truly inappropriate thirst for the attention of ladies.
Whatever he was as a youth, he may be in early dementia, and will unquestionably need help and support and perhaps medication to manage his interactions while retaining his self respect.
It may be a very important time to pursue his POA if you don’t have it already, and he may soon benefit from a cognitive assessment done by a geriatric specialist.
In your situation I’d also be checking out nearby Assisted Living Residences. If he has already told you he wouldn’t go into one, consider the fact that everyone if asked says they won’t go into residential care (or anything else).
If placement becomes necessary you will need to take his welfare into account and proceed accordingly, with compassion and love. His tendency to misread the associations of much younger people may be hinting toward what’s in his future.
Compassion, love, and firmness.
But I know that in the above 80 age range, there are far fewer men than women. My mom goes to her Sr Center and often comments on the few men (maybe 5?) who go there and how they are just surrounded by the women.
Maybe if he knew THAT the Sr Center would be more of a draw to him.