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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I find that sometimes when talking is tough, a written letter or email is better. It allows time to read and reread...both writer and reader. I also suggest you get them each a copy of the 36 Hour Day. This may help them out as well. And come here to vent all you want!
I'm very sorry your adult children are not receptive to hearing about their mother's condition. I know its hard. We all want to vent to our families but sometimes they don't have the compassion or patience for us. I am going through this too with my grief. Friends and family want me to move on. Please consider talking to counsellor or therapist or joining a support group. Or continue posting here, we'll be here to listen and support you in anyway we can.
This must be very stressful for you MartinG. I don't know much about your situation, but, are you your wife's primary caretaker? What stage is your wife in? Have your children indicated any concern with you providing her care? I ask this, because, sometimes the adult children are concerned that the healthy parent maybe overly exerted when caring for a person with dementia. It is a full time job and extremely stressful. Are you able to take breaks and do any of your own activities anymore?
It could be that the adult kids are afraid of the future. I might send them some links for videos on dementia and ask them to take a look. That way, it's up to them when they digest the information. You can't force them to do it, but, I might just ask once and let them make the decision. Eventually, they will see what the condition does to a person when they visit your wife. Understanding the condition is really crucial. If they would do just a little reading, I think they would get that.
Martin, I'm so sorry to read your post. This is terribly hard on you.
On the question of whether you should make your children listen or spare them, there's a fine line to tread isn't there? - they need to hear the truth, but not be hit over the head with it; plus I do think you should feel entitled to expect their appreciation of what you're going through and how their mother's care needs are going to increase. The Alzheimer's Society might have some useful literature you could share with them, perhaps; and you could also look for caregivers' support groups in your area.
Please do feel free to vent here - we understand. Hugs.
What Jeanne said, this is the place to be..."vent"...it saved my sanity and brings me clarity and comfort EVERYDAY! Read, read, read here Martin. What I'm going thru as caregiver, no one gets it, or understands the emotional craziness of the ups n downs with someone i love and is also driving me nuts. So I run here everyday!!! You will be okay...
A support group for people who are taking care of loved ones with dementia would be very helpful, in my opinion.
And you can come here and vent all you want! We understand.
Do you children sometimes help with their mom? Come and stay with her while you take a break? Take her on an outing? I think you should request that if they haven't volunteered. It will be good for you to have some respite, and will expose them to reality.
Can you afford to go to therapy, like once a week or once every other week?
Your children may be scared of what the future will hold for your wife and for everyone in the family. Maybe your children just don't know how to deal with your wife's illness so they'd rather shut it down than to talk about it because talking about it makes it actually too real and makes them face the reality of the here and now. I think they'll come around when they're ready but you need to give them time and space to adjust. Meanwhile, you need support now, so consider therapy from an outside source.
I'm sure you will get responses from others that have been /are in your situation. My situation in re: to a child's involvement is so unusual because my mom has lived with us for my daughters entire life so in that respect. I probably would discuss with her if her dad developed dementia.
My children feel sorry for her and just say poor mom but have no understanding of how difficult it is getting for me. When I tell them how it is they say they can't handle it and prefer I don't speak of it.
Hi MartinG. My 21 year old daughter spots her dad and I when we go away for a night. She know where her grand ma 's insurance card is and what meds she takes. My mom has lived with us since before my daughter was born. Not saying any of us like this situation. But my daughter has no problem coming home if I say we need a break.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It could be that the adult kids are afraid of the future. I might send them some links for videos on dementia and ask them to take a look. That way, it's up to them when they digest the information. You can't force them to do it, but, I might just ask once and let them make the decision. Eventually, they will see what the condition does to a person when they visit your wife. Understanding the condition is really crucial. If they would do just a little reading, I think they would get that.
On the question of whether you should make your children listen or spare them, there's a fine line to tread isn't there? - they need to hear the truth, but not be hit over the head with it; plus I do think you should feel entitled to expect their appreciation of what you're going through and how their mother's care needs are going to increase. The Alzheimer's Society might have some useful literature you could share with them, perhaps; and you could also look for caregivers' support groups in your area.
Please do feel free to vent here - we understand. Hugs.
What I'm going thru as caregiver, no one gets it, or understands the emotional craziness of the ups n downs with someone i love and is also driving me nuts. So I run here everyday!!! You will be okay...
Sending you the best Martin 😊
And you can come here and vent all you want! We understand.
Do you children sometimes help with their mom? Come and stay with her while you take a break? Take her on an outing? I think you should request that if they haven't volunteered. It will be good for you to have some respite, and will expose them to reality.
Your children may be scared of what the future will hold for your wife and for everyone in the family. Maybe your children just don't know how to deal with your wife's illness so they'd rather shut it down than to talk about it because talking about it makes it actually too real and makes them face the reality of the here and now. I think they'll come around when they're ready but you need to give them time and space to adjust. Meanwhile, you need support now, so consider therapy from an outside source.