I am trying to research a specific caregiving problem and cannot find information or help anywhere. My brother's mother-in-law is dying of cancer and needs around the clock care. She refuses any help from anyone other than my brother's wife, Amy, who has to feed her, change her, shower her, etc., while caring for three kids and working a full time job. Whenever Amy tries to leave her mom, who is now in an assisted living home, the mother goes on and on (while moaning and sighing) about how she is dying and how can Amy leave her alone like this when she is dying, how she needs this and that and doesn't want anyone but Amy to take care of her even though many other people are willing to help. Amy's mother has even gone so far, when she was still at home, as to call 911 as soon as Amy left her side and went to tend to her own needs. A doctor has suggested she is doing this for attention but Amy feels tremendously guilty about saying no to her mother's outrageous demands and I feel she is being manipulated into caring for her mother non-stop around the clock and is not having time for her kids and husband and not going to work or taking care of herself. How can we make her realize she is being manipulated and run ragged and that she needs to stop and take a break and set firm limits. I feel like she is being held as an emotional hostage. She says she is afraid to say no to her mother about anything because she could die at any moment and she would not be able to live with the guilt of saying no to her. I cannot find information or examples of this happening to anyone else. Where can I get help with this situation? My brother is worn out caring for his three kids himself, working fulltime and bearing his wife's grief and stress. Please help!
What is this 1952? How about the husband(you know men can feed kids and put them to bed) quit whining and being so selfish. Her mother is dying.
Your "escaping responsibility" comments make it sound like she went off to Las Vegas, not dealing with a dying mother.
While it is a good idea to get the AL more involved, the husband sounds like a whiner.
And if the OP doesn't live too far or could get to the location, offer to come visit and help out.