She was recently hospitalized for fainting due to dehydration, malnutrition and not taking meds properly. We thought possibly adding more aide time each day would work but the amount of in-home care she requires and med mgt is just not cost effective to keep her safe and healthy. I fear that she is going to get seriously hurt or wander off if she doesn't go into assisted living with memory care. She is refusing to go. I don't know what else to do. Thank you for any thoughts you have.
You are receiving overwhelming evidence that she is not safe, even with significant time provided by the care of aides, in her home.
Removing a vulnerable human being from a dangerous situation is not to be regretted. If done because of loving concern, it is an enormous kindness.
Often, especially when one assumes responsibility for a dearly loved adult, the caregiver searches for “a good solution”, when in reality, no “good”solutions emerge.
Choosing the best solution from among some very painful solutions is one of the hardest situations in caregiving.
If you are making decisions on your mom’s behalf with loving concern and as much information about options for her as you can acquire, be at peace that you are doing the best for her that anyone can do.
You may just be entering that stage where you have to take control for Mom and that is a difficult one. Eventually things will come to a head and it almost always happens with hospitalization. The problem with the new hospital "experience " is that patients are no longer followed into care by doctors who know them, but are treated by hospitalists and quickly shoved out the door to SNF or Rehab or home, with almost no case management for what home care is.
I think I would start perhaps with speaking with aides. Show up for the shift of more than one of them, take them aside for a cuppa and ask what their opinion is.
And much depends upon whether you have any POA to act for your Mom. I am wishing you good luck. This is a hard time when decisions will soon have to be made. Hope you will update us.
It is my mom's 2nd hospitalization and 4th trip to ER in a year due to syncope.
I have reached out to Dr and also nuerologist. They do agree it is time for her to be in assisted living. She is just refusing. I have found a very nice facility and she is going to be assessed by the nurse tomorrow.
I just don't know how to get her to go and don't legally think I can force her. I am going to keep trying as she really is not safe in her home anymore.
I have been working with her doctor too and I do think he would provide a drs note. He has ordered an in home screening.
She is refusing but I still will keep at getting her to go.
Guardianship is time consuming and expensive. More money for the lawyer. You can use Moms money but then thats less for her care. I feel as long as you have something from the Dr. that she is incompetent to handle her finances and health and she needs 24/7 care that should be enough.
Tell her that her place had a plumbing leak or needs to be tented for termites, and she has to stay at another place for a week while it gets fixed. A good memory care place will help her get acclimated and in that week's time she'll be pretty well settled.
This was advice from my mother's own MC place. The director said "I can't tell you how many homes we've had 'tented' for our residents. Just give them another reason to get them out of the house in the first place, then it's easier to make the change once they're already here. The change has been made for them."