My mother who I care for is refusing to eat & is restricting her fluid intake as she wants her life to end. My sister has informed her doctor who says there is nothing he can do until she gets ill. My mother refuses to see the doctor & constantly blames my sister & I for not respecting her wishes in wanting to die when we try to encourage her to eat & drink. Advice please..
I am so sorry for your mother and you.
It sounds to me like she is gravely ill. What can you do? Sit with her and love her and hold her hand. Don't feel guilty about going home to rest and eat. You have to do that. I hope they can help her recover. Please let us know what happens.
She does not think she has a issue with her drinking, she will lie and say she has a cocktail with dinner. She puts it in a papercup if it is earlier in the day.
My question is how long can she survive with out eating and drinking (non alcoholic) She is on a antidepressant. She just doesn't care anymore.
This sounds very similar to my mother.
It is very painful when all someone talks about is wanting to die. My mother is treated for depression but still goes on and on about how she could attempt suicide. We have had interventions, but the pain is there with every conversation, wish and tear shed.
I believe attempting to come to terms with the inevitable is part of what we (adult children) must go through. Making sure everything is in place for after her death can be of some comfort for everyone involved. This too can be sure your mother does not have care against her wishes; comfort care only and no interventions to prolong her life.
On the other hand, perhaps taking her for a car ride, looking at a book of art together, listening to music, or whatever would be enjoyable together is a way to have a few moments away from the topic. Keeping her mobility will help with however her life ends to not be in pain.
/hugs
I managed to get my mum home on Friday from the nursing home so I could care for her in her last few days and be with her at the end. It's been a horrible death to watch her go through but in the end she went with me holding her. It's the worst type of dying that anyone can imagine watching someone die from not eating and drinking is awful, the laws do need to change on euthanasia.
this sounds kind of negative or defeatist but it is often the reality of end of life.
For some people, it has been a fight to try to feel happy, and that fight has gone on for a lifetime. When you reach the point where you have lost your freedom and you are always in a little pain, it starts to feel like a good time to give up.
Try upping her pain medication. If that doesn't help, and she resists antidepressants, I would be inclined to stop trying so hard to force her to stay alive. We are kinder to our old sick pets.
I don't know your whole story, and I don't mean to offend you. I have fought depression most of my life, and I can imagine, once my body is failing, feeling like I just want to give up and REST in the grave. Don't blame yourself if that's how she feels now.
Her dementia is getting much worse, very confused most of the time, doesn't want
To eat and has lost 10 lbs in the last month. We are trying to switch her anti depressants but it takes time and she fights taking medication. Every time I talk or see her that's all she talks about "how she wants to die" . It's getting to the point that I dread seeing her or talking to her and then I feel guilty.
There's probably nothing to do, but I have two suggestions. First, what helped my father was pain pills. The VA nurse said, "Give him two. He will fall asleep, and when he wakes up, he will have forgotten about it." Your dad probably has a level of pain that he doesn't quite notice, but it gets him down.
Second, cook a really delicious meal that smells wonderful, something he always used to like. Or homemade bread. If you don't do that, you can buy dough at the market or at the pizza shop. If the smell of that doesn't tempt him, he may be too far gone.
Ask his doctor for a hospice "assessment." His expected life is probably more than 6 months, but he is showing "failure to thrive," and they might have useful ideas to make him more comfortable.
God bless you both.