He is independent and abusive. He doesn't require my help with most things, but he seems to have a very short fuse and is angry most of the time. Everyone seems to keep their distance now and there just isn't much life for us. I go to work daily and try to be patient, but I'm not holding up very well and feel like he is very unhappy - he tells me that being back in a relationship with me is the worst his life as ever been. (we were previously together, separated for many years and married ten years ago). Should I leave?
Strokes can also affect brain function, so he may have that going on too. Here's some info from a stroke association website: http://www.strokeassociation.org/STROKEORG/LifeAfterStroke/RegainingIndependence/EmotionalBehavioralChallenges/Personality-Changes-After-Stroke_UCM_309905_Article.jsp
But there's no reason why you should have to live with that anger if he's so miserable. Please keep us posted on how you're doing...
What kind of doctor is it that doesn't take you seriously? Has your husband seen a neurologist?
I think if you were married, then separated, and are now back together you know your husband well enough to know if this is his personality or if it's post-stroke personality. If the former, you need to think of yourself and make your own arrangements. No one should be dragged down by insults.
Why are you still there?
You might check local hospitals to see if they have stroke support groups and see if you can get your husband to go. If he won't, go yourself as you might get some inside information on why your husband has changed so much.
But try to stand up to him and don't let him bully you. To prevent visitors or phone calls is absolutely ridiculous. If he's trying to isolate you socially, that's a really bad sign of where he's heading.
From previous posts I've read, I suspect that someone with more experience than I on this issue will address the mental issue that could have changed because of the stroke. Did any of the doctors discuss this, i.e., what parts of his brain and personality might have been affected?
You might want to try to find a social worker, RN, or therapist who can provide insight as this situation seems to be going downhill quite rapidly. And it may be that some intervention will have to occur to protect you and your son. It certainly must be detrimental to your son's health, and he's just an innocent party as are you.
Your loved one may have a hard time accepting help and treatment, but it's needed...and you deserve help as well! It is possible that a person will see through the fog of depression and/or PTSD when gently told that the inability to return to normal homelife is staking a toll and becoming unbearable. Many will deny depression because they feel angry, not sad, but you can reply that many, many people, nearly everyone, can run into this problem of irritability after a stroke and that medications usually used for depression may help it. Sorry for the jerk head doc who thinks this is just usual marital bickering going on.
But what I will say, in terms of having anyone to talk to, is that we're here - the forum may be only virtual, but you can come here any time and just say what you're thinking and how you're feeling. Sometimes simply getting the words out can be a relief.
As a start, though, you must have rescued your dogs *from* somewhere. Are you in touch with those people? People don't have to be in the same situation as each other, necessarily, to be like-minded.
Once the house is gone, where will you live? The car is already gone, which must make life difficult but at least it's one thing less to worry about.
If your husband moved to the Medicaid-accepting facility, what would happen? You're going to have to move anyway, so why not plan to move separately?
I don't know how my aunt put up with it for 10 years. She was a much better woman than I could ever be.
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