I USED to be the most organized person I knew. Now I can't look at the piles of mail (probably bills) on my desk. It's overwhelming. It's no wonder since, in addition to be sole caregiver to my 100 year old Mother, I've also been burdened with a legal matter that I can't seem to get out of:
Has anyone ever had the experience -- or know someone who has had the experience -- of having a doctor (in my case Kaiser Permanente) turning your "case" over to the county in which you live? Let me warn you not to divulge too much of your anxiety and stress to your doctor. This could warn the dr that you need help (that you might not decide yourself that you need) and that your parent or other loved one for whom you are caring should go to a facility.
Well, this has turned out to be the nightmare of my life. Instead of being recognized for good service and commitment, I had to get a $375 per hour attorney to try to get the county out of my business. Attorney recommended that I hire a "geriatric care manager" who would write a care plan for my 100 year old mother, which would include her staying in my home where she feels safe and is loved. Said $250 per hour (including assistant) care manager came for three meetings to "assess" my mom and talk (chit chat). She is well known in my state and highly regarded. Well this "care manager" never came through with the care plan for which she was hired. And, she has been talking to the case worker for the county (the other side). I am now faced with putting my Mom in a facility or have them move for guardianship -- yes, the same care manager -- and she would put my Mom in a facility (not necessarily of my choosing).
Btw, this has cost me thousands already -- and my Mom a couple of thousand too. Court-ordered theft from two old ladies.
Nightmare.
I am frightened that they will place your Mom, Blueberry. They are in there now and they will not want to say they were wrong. And to think you have no choice, and must now use money you undoubtedly do not have to fight this, is just awful. The whole care plan thing is utter nonsense. Who here could live their life according to care plan.
I hope you will keep us posted as you go along. Is Mom well into stages of dementia? Does she have any idea what is happening. Is there ANY other family there to help and support you?
I know you are already overwhelmed but I want you to start a diary. No looseleaf. Make this one of those composition books. No tear outs. Strike through for mistakes. Keep a daily diary of what this is costing, what people are doing, of Mom's day, what she ate, what you did. Please keep this. At times, in court, these are gold. I think a judge is going to not want to rip a Mom from a daughter without good reason. I HOPE that is the case.
The nanny state strikes again. There seems (to me, anyway) to be a due process issue here. Maybe you need a civil rights attorney, rather than some drone who may be in bed with the county. When I become elderly, I hope the government leaves me alone. I’d rather expire under a boardwalk.
I would ask the lawyer to account for the time he’s billed you for. If there is a state (not county) office on aging, I would tell them what’s been going on.
This sounds like a racket.
- consult an eldercare attorney?
- hire a quality in-home service (like Visiting Angels) to get county off your back?
- find a great place for both you and your mom to transition to since you will eventually need someone to care for you too?
Let us know how it unfolds. Wishing you success and peace.
Civil rights attorney -- good idea. State attorney's office doesn't want to hear about it. I tried. State Attorney Gen claims it's local and controlled locally.
If I were being abusive to my Mom or stealing from her, I would understand such an action. But, the case worker says there's no suspicion of that.
You've got it right -- I think it's a racket too. I've said so from the start. You know, there could be kick-backs from an elder-care facility to someone -- care manager, case manager, County Attorney, judge? Well, they all have jobs because of this nonsense. Because they succeeded in getting a "conservator" for my Mom's relatively small amount of assets (for which she does not write checks or balance checkbooks or anything else and I still do), it's cost my Mom nearly $2,000. There's one part of the racket. And, as long as the case continues, she gets an "administrative fee." For doing nothing at all!
AlvaDeer, the claims keep changing.
When the doctor at Kaiser first told the County about my Mom and me, I needed to have heart surgery within 6 months or so. The County claimed to be concerned about what would happen to my Mom should I die (heart dr says 2% chance of dying from it) or become incapacitated. They didn't accept my having designated my life-long friend (63 years) as alternate guardian and left her all my and my Mom's money and assets. Not good enough. Then I was going to designate the care manger as an alternate. We never got that far before she betrayed me.
Then they were concerned that I had not chosen a respite-care facility yet -- these places don't take reservations months in advance. They rent the rooms as rooms become available. It was the care manger (so called) who got in my way of at least going and looking at them and selecting which ones I like best.
Then they complained that because I have migraines (since I was 8), I can't be there for my Mom. Hogwash.
You know, as I write this, I think I should say, "This is no joke!" One couldn't make up a story so utterly ridiculous. Even my attorney thinks so.
LOL AlvaDeer! "Who here could live their life according to care plan." How smart! Who, indeed!
Thanks for all your thoughts and help. I appreciate it.