Our 86 y/o father with dementia experiences sundowning and paranoia at night which is getting worse. Besides always thinking he is not at home and needs to get home, he thinks we all steal his belongings and sometimes leaves the house in the evenings while an assigned family member staying there is sleeping. He will either walk to a neighbors house and have them call the police, thinking someone has broken in his house or he will call from the house if he can manage to dial it on the phone. Thankfully, he is in a very safe mobile home park and far away from any main streets, tucked in the back. We have split of caring for him around the clock with several family members because we all work and have to take turns. Some of the male family members sleep pretty hard. Two nights ago, one of our family members got woken up to the police barging in their room, close to midnight because our father accused him of breaking in to the house. Our father is very nimble and stealthy. So, how do you deal with keeping a family member in the home at night when they tend to not sleep much and can't be watched during the late hours? Are there alarms that you would recommend to wake a family member up that is watching him, even a hard sleeper? We are currently investigating memory care places for him.
You want to believe that he’s in a safe place, a protected area, but his actions prove he isn’t. He keeps escaping, he wanders, and there’s nothing keeping him from wandering a long way. He could get in a car with someone. He could encounter a bad person who would hurt him.
I have a relative who drove for (we think) days on a turnpike according to camera footage. He crashed his car far away from home, prompting a call from police at 2 a.m. My friend’s dad did something similar. He tried to pee in a condo guard house.
Don’t delay. This is serious.
This type or extreme behavior would be time for memory care or respite. It's not that you don't love your parents, but it is a lot of wear and tear having to remain hypervigilant even when you are trying to sleep.
if he is a Veteran he may qualify for care paid for by the VA.
he needs to be safe and you are all going ti exhaust yourselves.
"very nimble and stealthy"
Right.. can't see that working.
Tracking device. Good. But as you know, good to *find* someone - not *prevent* escape or inappropriate 911 calls etc.
I don't like locked doors.. but..
Ensure smoke alarms are placed & working. These should alert family if an issue.
Supervision is all I can come up with. Either a paid sitter ($$) in-home or in it's time for a 24/7 supervised & managed environment (memory care home).
He is now in a memory care facility because, in addition to other reasons, he is up all hours of the night. There he safely roams the monitored halls late at night and during the wee hours of the morning. Easily he winds up in the communal living room where he spends some time with a couple of other wandering night owls.
After a while he is escorted back to his room, helped to the bathroom, and then helped into bed.
Sometimes after a bit he may wander again. That's what he'd do at home. I never slept well.
He is free to wander. Allowed to visit, and again brought back to bed.
I always get a report if he had a restless night.
The only other thing I can think of, is drugging him to sleep at night, but that’s also a solution with problems and very dangerous side-effects.
Dosage, administration, and expectations are always critical issues with patients with deterioration in cognition, and speaking as the daughter who slept (unsuccessfully) on the floor next to her mother’s bed for several months, neither the “assigned family member” nor the LO gets the critical benefits of peaceful sleep during this difficult period in the process.
This dear soul is exposing himself to danger. What can you as family do, to make his current life safe?
https://www.razmobility.com/solutions/memory-cellphone/
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