So.... my mom wanted help paying bills online. All of her passwords were lost and she got locked out. I got back on and created new passwords and have been paying everything. I open the account pages and show her her business and we discuss it if she has questions.
Now she wants all the passwords and usernames, so she can check her accts. She is going to mess up the passwords again, but of course, there’s no reasoning. How do I handle this?
I've offered to sign in for her and walk away, so she can look at her accts, but she wants to sign on all on her own.
Going bonkers here. Help!
I pay my moms bills, and take screen shots of the page showing the balance or bills to be paid and email them to her. After her checks arrive in the beginning of the month- I send that screen shot,. It took about 2 months for mom to trust me and give up the angst of trying to log on and do it herself. Her first priority was seeing her new money in the account, getting the bills paid was second. I have the utilities on auto pay- those bills arrive at her house, The rest arrive at my house now. Mom now has more time for fun- she joined the local senior group and does things with them- I never thought I would see that day. She is 88.
Pick your battles. Her money, her decisions.
The first is Mum not being able to remember un/pw. But the second one is that Mum could create a really big mess if she does have access to her online banking.
My Dad was always forgetting passwords so he would make up a new one. I tried to get him to write down the password in his Rolodex but he would forget.
So when it came to finances, I asked Dad if he would let me to do the paying of the bills, etc., and he was agreeable. Thus, I created new passwords and wrote them down in my "password" book that I had bought at Hallmark a few years ago. For me, that was the easiest thing to do.
We also just used the bank statements and didn't bother going on-line, unless I was transferring funds from savings to checking. The less I used the computer for Dad's banking, the better. Yes, back when life was such much simpler !!!
if she messes it up again, you click forgot password..and answer the questions. I had the applid hit me with date of birth (not one of those magic 3 questions)...so that is why I added knowing that too.
I wasn’t able to find an elder-specific version of a net nanny, but apps meant for protecting children can be made to work. In addition to monitoring accounts and spending, you’ll want to check what personal information your elder is sharing on social media.
My dad was an electrical engineer who proselytized for the 16-character randomly generated password. Dementia made helping, then managing his internet access a nightmare. I feel your frustration. Set a master password and require 2 factor authentication. Then prepare a list of excuses blaming computer glitches, programmers, updates, the ISP, etc. for everything.
If all else fails, you can change the WiFi password or turn off the router for a while to give yourself a break.
And still, nothing we did has made it any easier for my mom to accept that she has lost the ability to use her computer the way she always has. It's another part of her independence being chipped away by her dementia. She still says it's 'broken'. She still says she just needs someone to 'show her again, and she'll remember', and she still says there's strangers (her daughters) using her computer and messing it up so she can't use it, fueling her natural need to be suspicious.
In hindsight, I wish we had just removed the computer, saying we needed to get it fixed. We just prolonged her and our frustration. She didn't really use it for anything except pictures. She didn't get anything but junk email, which can be a safety issue for seniors anyway. It depends on what your mom uses the computer for, and if you can replace it with a tablet or something. My mom was basically just downloading a crossword every day, and she doesn't do those anymore.
My mom has always been paranoid about her money. Since I was going everyday I would print out her account snapshot statement. I taped a message on her computer telling her that all her bills were being paid on time. But this does not end the problems you are experiencing. She has, over many months, eventually stopped asking about it as much, and has said in lucid moments that she knows she needs help with those kinds of things. I try to help her focus on what she can still do not what she can't.
Moving my mom out of her house soon and frankly glad to be done talking about the computer. It became as big an issue as not being able to drive the car.
Best wishes whatever you decide!
As with everything else dementia takes away, internet access is a balancing act of normality, frustration, the illusion of independence, and safety.
I think telling them a therapeutic fib, like: the latest system update has bugs, or the latest system update isn't working with their computer, is acceptable. My 90-yo mom occasionally asks me for a smart phone (she has never used anything but a flip) -- nope, sorry. I still work full time and can't be her on-call tech help! About 5 years ago I set her up with a very inexpensive tablet that I've loaded with games and added a subscription to Lumosity. She really enjoys that but still struggles to understand "what happened" when she accidentally puts her finger on something and what she was doing disappears. There is a service called Last Pass that stores and releases passwords after someone dies (that they have set up in advance). I've not used it but am going to check it out (for my husband!!)
As for keeping her from messing up the passwords, URL block the page for each site to change the passwords. Then she won't be able to mess them up.
You are showing her everything while you are present. Why does she have a need to look at it when you aren’t there?