Our youngest brother has been diagnosed with laryngeal cancer recently. His oncologist has given him 2-4 months and hospice has come in.
Quite frankly, our brother looked forward to hospice, because of 'all the drugs' he would get. He is 55 years old, has never had a job and has made a life of drinking, taking and selling drugs (if he has any left). He's been in prison three times and has spend numerous months in jail. He lives on $750 per month, SSI. He lived off of my parents, when they were alive and has stolen from all his family since he was very small.
The three of us have productive, normal lives. Two of us are in the medical field.
The problem, he now expects US to pay for his formal funeral, as does his live-in girlfriend, with his internment to follow in our family plot. He will not hear of the state's cremating him nor burying him. He feels entitled. The girlfriend is on assistance, too, and is broke.
What the heck do we DO and what do we tell him?
Help us, please.
I think I would simply say "We will do the best we can," and not answer any details. You are not obliged to explain yourself, nor are you obliged to do what your bro is asking. The funeral is for the living - that is you and family. If the g/f can't pay for it, she has no say. You don't spend other people's money. My experience with addicts is that they are very good at that, if you allow it.
We have opted for a simple graveside service for my mother, as most people she knew are no longer living, so there will be very few attending. It will not cost much, which was not the reason for making that decision, but is what works best for us.
Let us know how you are doing.
You said it all!!!
The underlying problems at some point must be addressed!
Left to her own devices and her not being satisfied with our only offering a simple cremation and burial of the cremains, she stepped in and financed a funeral. She got her visitation at the funeral home and the cremation. No burial in our family plot, yet, as it was not included in the price.
Let her default on the funeral. It isn't us. We heard that she and her henchmen were going to sneak into the cemetery and bury his ashes. I notified the office of the cemetery and warned them of this.
I'm glad we are rid of these sponging, thieving drug addicts for good.
Some issues are not able to be resolved. You did not ask for any of this misery. You certainly didn’t deserve it.
Hopefully, your brother’s girlfriend will do the kindest thing by just allowing you to live your life in peace. There isn’t any good reason for any future contact.
I am sorry that you had to endure a difficult family situation. I grew up with an addict. I completely understand the havoc it causes.
Hugs! Take care. Heal. I hope your future days are filled with love, peace and joy.
Sorry for your loss.
For the loss of your brother to drugs,
and again, losing him when he passed.
Glad you stood you ground on the funeral offering. Since these are druggies and henchmen, please look over your shoulder, watch your back, and lock your doors, at least for a while. Take care and thanks for updating us.
I give you condolences on the brother you had as a child. The one that was innocent and not yet broken. That is the memories I hope you choose to remember and cherish, that is who you should mourn for. The adult, that person should not be mourned.