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Mom is in assisted living costing $4000 a month. Her savings & mine has run out. Our home is paid off & I want to get a line of credit to continue paying for her care. But only she is on the Home's Title & they say I need to be on the Title to get the loan. Her Lawyer tells me she cannot put me on the Title with Mom having Alzheimer's & being considered incapacitated. What do I do? I live in & take care of the home. It doesn't seem right. What is the "Legal" way to put me on the title with her being incapacitated having Alzheimer's?? Please Help!! I am sure someone else out there has had the same issues. What did they do??


Thank you for any Help. Sylvia

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Once your mom has been declared incapacitated she can no longer sign legal documents. I am sure there are people here who can help you more than I can. However, I am sure they will tell you that you can not legally put your name on the house.

Perhaps there is another way of looking at this bad situation. You posted that you are taking care of the house. Can you afford the house? Are you paying the bills yourself? You also posted that mom is running out of money! You will probably have to file for Medicaid to help pay for mom's care. But before you do see an Elderly Lawyer who will know all the Medcaid rules. If you want to keep the house ask the lawyer if you can get a waiver or a exemption so that Medicaid won't take the house or put a lien on it.

If I may suggest that it may not be a good idea to take a loan out on the house to pay for mom's care. I realize you are in a difficult situation, and I am sure you want mom to have great care, but you need to be aware of what the aftermath will be. You could get stuck paying that loan off or worst yet, need Medicaid and your decision about putting a loan on the house made it where mom is disqualifie. Look at all your options and think about how this is going to affect you after mom is gone?!

I live with my mother and I take care of her and the house. I know she will need Medicaid. But I also know that I have to think about my future. Because my mother did not put my name on her house in 2014 I will have to file an exemption to keep the roof over my head!

Just my 2 cents.
I am sorry that you are in this horrible and difficult situation.

Someone here will help you. Good Luck!
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Talk to the assisted living home's social worker as to what to do next.

Go to the senior center in your town and ask to speak to an elder law attorney. Sometimes they work for free or very low cost.

I'm sure she can get Medicaid (Medi-Cal in California) if she has no other assets other than the house.

A "loan" for Mom's ongoing care is NOT the answer and she may outlive the loan. Then what?
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worriedinCali Feb 2019
medi-cal may not pay for assisted living. There is a waiver but in order to be eligible, you have to qualify for medi-cal with no share of cost.
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I agree that getting a loan at this point doesn't seem like the way to go. What's the point? I think you should pursue medicaid. The home is an exempt asset. The problem is that there has to be a medical need. AL seems to be a hurdle to medical need. She needs to qualify for a NH.

The problem is that medicaid may attempt recovery after your mom dies from the estate. Which is the house. So you need to take steps to prevent that from happening. That you should see a competent elder law attorney about. It could be as simple as executing a transfer on death deed.

As for what her lawyer told you about her being incapacitated, I would question him more about that. She can think she's living on the moon, but as long as she's clear about wanting you on the title. She's competent enough to put you on the title. Someone only needs to be clear about the one issue they are executing. That's the way I understand it.

As usual, this is just the ramblings of someone that doesn't have a clue about anything.
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SusanNeedsHelp Feb 2019
If she isn't residing in the home, I wouldn't think it would be an exempt asset.
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Taking care of the house is very different then being a live in caregiver to the homeowner. You will not get an exemption for Medicaid because you are living there while she is in assisted living. Do you pay her rent for the use of her house?

You can always buy the house from your mom, offering her a lifetime home, (I suggest that because of the fear elders have of being homeless) and then you can get a loan to buy it and use that money to pay for moms care. This would ensure you get to keep the house. It must be purchased at full market value, I would check with your state to find out exactly how they interpret that.

Problem solved.
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surprise Feb 2019
I don't feel children should ever endanger their financial future to care for a parent. If they can pay through their cash flow, that's fine, but if they need a loan, the answer is Medicare.
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Its time to try for Medicaid. Mom will eventually go beyond what an AL can do for her anyway. Nothing you can do about getting house in your name. Medicaid wouldn't have allowed it anyway within the five year look back.

Set up an appointment. Have all Moms financial information. That goes for insurance policies, stocks, shares, bonds. Any prepaid funeral trusts or insurance. Explain that you have been living in the house and keeping it up. I had my disabled nephew living in Moms. But I also had the house up for sale to help pay for her care in an AL.

I really don't think putting yourself in further debt is a good idea.
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Er - do you mean that you have spent your own savings on your mother's assisted living fees?

And meanwhile, you are living in her house, to which you have no title, and you are paying for its upkeep - taxes, utilities, maintenance?

You cannot afford to subsidise your mother, to put it bluntly. Even if you felt it was morally right to do so, you don't have the money and you need to eat.

You must get legal advice to guide you through all the steps, but roughly what you should aim to do is sell the house and reclaim the money you paid towards your mother's ALF fees from the proceeds. Will that give you enough to make a fresh start?
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Medicaid
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Medicare is health insurance. It will not pay for custodial care which is what she's receiving in the AL. The only thing outside of long term care insurance that will pay for custodial care is Medicaid. While you are applying for Mom's Medicaid, which can be a long and drawn-out process, you should also check with her current AL and find out if they can guarantee her a Medicaid position when she's approved. Although many facilities have a limited # of Medicaid "beds", it does not guarantee that one of those beds will be available when Mom's Medicaid is approved.
Medicaid applications vary from state to state but in any event be prepared for at least a 3 year look-back which means you will have to get bank statements, copies of checks, copies of deposit slips, birth certificates death, marriage certificates, etc. In the state of New Jersey it is a five-year look-back. If you do not have power of attorney or are not on your Mom's banking accounts, you will certainly need an attorney to deal with the bank to obtain the necessary documents.
You should speak to an elder care attorney for legal advice; make sure they are certified. You should NOT, in my opinion and I have been an admissions director in long-term care for over 10 years, apply for a loan and jeopardize your own Financial assets and Future. Just my 2 cents worth.
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jacobsonbob Feb 2019
I believe your perspective from your >10 years experience in your line of work makes your opinion worth a lot more than the proverbial 2 cents!
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I think you may have to obtain legal guardianship, as a result of her being incapacitate. This way you are able to handle her affairs however not sure if you are able to change or add your name to title, (ask the lawyer) but you may be able to refinance as a court appointed guardian.
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Others have provided good feedback for you, so I won't rehash, but if your mother has any form of SS income, that too can be used to possibly cover NH expenses. The advice of a qualified elder care expert is definitely the way to go.
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If your Mom is Broke, It is a Sad Situation because the Next to the Best thing you can Now without Going Broke on a Loan, Is apply for Medicaid. Sadly, They will take your House, They Consider Mom having this with You Here, dear, Unless Mom has Made you a Living Trust. This means the House too. However, It appears with Mom paying, This may be the Case that she Never Did this.
Ask your Lawyer about all this. It's a Tough Call and All when you have to Give up things like Houses and Bank Accounts because the Elderly don't Protect this.
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JoAnn29 Feb 2019
Medicaid does not "take" the house. They put a lean on it at time a passing. Which will be paid back at time of sale. If it sells during the time Mom is in LTC, it has to sell at market value. Proceeds go to Moms care. Medicaid stops, spend down of proceeds, then reapply for Medicaid.
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Too many possibilities, you need to speak to an attorney
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Messy. Definitely worth a consult with a certified elder law attorney and make sure of who they are representing...because you need one to look out for YOU. The thing here is that this is an expensive assisted living. So it may come down to mom being tossed out and having to move back in with you in her home...or another facility that takes on medicaid which is a complicated process you should not do without legal guidance unfortunately. Ask around and try to find that attorney who does things by the task, not by the hour if you can. I'm not sure how it will all work residency wise, and if you took care of your mother for at least 2 years prior, you may qualify for the exemption. Of course there will have to be proof and documentation of that. No one is likely to give a loan for the purpose I would think...because a loan will run out as well to cover costs and it will just generate more debt...
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Hi Sylvia
I love reading the replies on this site. I'm deep into this whole care for Mom and her money thing 4 years now. Mom lived with Dad until he died.
If your loved one has any property, in most states that eliminates Medicaid. If the facility she lives in is a CBRF, they don't take Medicaid residents as a rule even if she could get Medicaid. You didn't say much about you having Power of Attorney for her financials. If you do, you could take out a personal loan for medical expenses to get by for 2 or three months until you can sort this out. Are you the heir who gets the house when your loved one passes away?
First, in my state, Doctors deem residents incapacitated so if you have medical power of attorney, you can make medical decisions for your loved one. It doesn't say anything about financial issues. The attorney I hired to set up a trust for my Mother, said if she can sign her name and understand yes or no, she can do documents. If you are looking out for her well being, you are not doing this for yourself to kick her out on the street. You are looking out for her best interest. If you are able, get Guardianship of her through the court. That covers everything, Money, Property, and medical decisions.
I love the one that says you should not have used your savings or you should not have to deal with a loan. NOT, I work to pay for my Parent's bills other than the Memory Care Fees. I pay a loan because she was short money one year. Someday My Mother will die and I will be glad I did everything I could to care for her needs when she could no longer deal with them herself.
Get all the options, write them down and don't stress. It will come to you. Con
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Great answers from everyone who posted!
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If your disabled, you can stay in the home. Your mom may have to be moved to a NH that accepts Medicaid. Talk with an attorney who specializes in Medicaid applications.
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You must speak to an elder care attorney as soon as possible. My mother had Altzheimer's and needed care in an assisted living center for close to five years, also at $4000.00 a month. You have to have proper legal documents as her Power of Attorney if she has been declared mentally incompetent. If you do not have this, speak to an attorney and also talk with the administrator of her facility. You cannot pay for her care, it will ruin your finances for the rest of your life. Also talk to the Alzheimer's Association. They were extremely helpful every time I called. The more people you talk to the better informed you will be. I also want to suggest to join an Alzheimer's support group. Everybody in the group supports and encourages each other and they have LOTS of answers. Don't go through this journey alone. Both my Mom & my Material grandmother had the disease, and take it from me, you need support as well.
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I would try for medicaid, it makes more sense. Any money you borrow will only last for her care for so long. You will have to keep borrowing and eventually not be able to keep your head above water. You don't want to do that. Try medicaid.
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My vote goes to you seeing an Elder Lawyer. He or she will have all the answers you need in your particular situation. Every state has different laws and most of these people are giving you good advice from their own standpoint but it may be way off in your state. In NH many years ago my mother gave me permission to be on her safety deposit box even though she had Alheimer's. We had done business in that bank for decades and the manager knew my mom and knew she would want this even though she told me that ordinarily she would not do this for most people. So sometimes it who you know and not what you know. An incompetent person cannot sign any document legally. So see a lawyer and get the right advice, its cheaper in the long run and you don't want to tie yourself up with a loan you may not be able to pay down the road.
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I want to sincerely Thank all of you that have written back with an answer to my question about my Mom's care. I do have POA for my Mom & access to her bank accounts. I do use her SS check to help with the AL expense. but it does not go far to the total every month. I agree that I will seek out a Elder Care Attorney that has experience with my situation. I do not have full Guardianship which I will look into getting. I would like to avoid the Medicaid because I want to stay living in the (Her) house. Mom's will does state that I receive ownership of the House when she passes. I just want her to be as comfortable & happy as long as I can help her do that. Again, Thank all of you with my Heart for your advice, kindness & thoughts. Sylvia
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I think you'd best seek the help of an elder law attorney. In addition, why hasn't the elder applied for Medicaid?
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