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When your loved one is told to go on hospice what would you do? Should you accept the facts that nothing can be done or would you still try and find ways to bring them back to health?
Generally speaking, Hospice is used when further curative procedures would be in vain or cause more suffering than cure. A doctor must order Hospice and the patient or guardian or poa must accept admittance to Hospice.
My personal opinion, I feel we see far too many families insist on life prolonging procedures when it’s obvious there is no quality of life or hope for a cure.
This is tough territory. You’ll likely get more comments on this thread. Good luck to,you.
From my understanding... and it's minimal, I am new to caregiving, but for the most part, hospice is suggest as a final and last resort. I am sure that if there was something that could/should be done, they would be suggesting that.
I am presently exploring the options. With a terminal illness, at some point, you have to consider quality of life and how much continuing to treat recurring problems. My LO has severe, end stage dementia. The infections are recurring, repeated ER visits, total disorientation, etc. This past week in the ER, she went through a lot of pain with trying to get veins, drawing urine from her bladder, scans, etc. I kept asking the doctor, what are we doing? I want her to be comfortable, but, it seems that continuing to go down this road is not keeping her comfortable. So, I'm going to explore the options.
I don't see this as giving up. The body seems to be saying what is happening. I want to make sure that we are listening.
What life- limiting conditon does your loved one suffer from, Nikki?
For many conditions, there are clinical trials that may hold out the hope of a couple of extra months of life, but when you are talking about extending life by less than a year, you really need to look at the QUALITY of the person's life during that treatment, which may cause terribly unpleasant side effects.
Hospice isn't giving up, in my book. Hospice is embracing comfort for the patient at the end of a life that is limited by the ravages of an incurable disease. Better to die comfortably, if you are going to die, than in agony and terror.
When someone is offered Hospice, it is generally b/c they have no more options of a "cure". They are ready to die. Everyone will die--if we can allow them the option of a pain and drama free death, why not?
We followed daddy's lead. When he was ready--he just quit eating and drinking. Hospice was a godsend and allowed him the dignified end he wished for. Would I have wanted him kept alive with feeding tubes, Iv's and such for just a few more months? Absolutely not. He had Parkinson's---a horrible way to live.
How realistic is it that you or anyone will find "ways to bring them back to health"? Does your loved one want to endure the trial and error or is this what you want?
My dad doesn't know he's in hospice. He thinks he's just staying with me till he gets better. I don't have the heart to tell him because in his mind he's gonna get well like every time he's discharged from hospital. He has chf and ckd stage 3. So far he looks nothing like a sick person. He's not bedridden he gets around slowly with a walker. He still can eat although he doesn't eat much or crave anything. He has no major excruciating pain though occasionally he's "tired" and takes a lortab to relax himself. He doesn't seems to be in big pain (or so he said) so morphine aren't used yet on him. I just don't know in my mind I feel guilty if I give up on him but i don't want to lug him around to seek treatment if there's no results. Like everyone just said it might hurt him more than good. I feel like I owe it to him to get him well. Im lost,scared,helpless,and confused.
Nikki, life itself is a terminal disease - that is, we are all going to die. You need not feel that you owe him to get him well, when doctors have said that that is not going to happen, and can offer (maybe) only experimental options that too often just cause more suffering. If you and he can spend this time with each other then I don't see a need to discuss death if he is not ready. But don't feel guilty because you cannot do the impossible. Life and death are what they are.
I guess it depends if you trust the doctor who suggested hospice or not. If not I would ask for a second opinion. Having a loved one approach the end of their life is very difficult. There may be nothing that can be done to halt his diseases and improve his health.
"I feel like I owe it to him to get him well." Dear one, we do not have that kind of power. People get old, sick and pass on. It is part of the cycle of life. It might help you to see a grief counsellor about this. My heart goes out to you as you are so obviously very distressed. ((((((hugs)))))) This is a very painful time, I know. The best you may be able to do is just be there with him, make the time as good as possible, let him know you love him.
Nikki, You didn't mention what your loved one is suffering from, how long s/he has been sick, how old s/he is, etc. Is this the first time you have been told of your LO's decline? Have you gotten a second opinion? How does your LO feel about going on hospice? Is s/he mentally competent to make that choice?
If s/he has been dealing with a long standing illness and treatment hasn't worked so far or if your LO is very old, weak and unable to regain health, it may be time to "let nature take its course". This would be a good time for hospice.
If your LO is normally in good health but has become sick lately, a second opinion would be valuable. You would need to find a different doctor who believes your LO would benefit from treatments.
Please make sure you talk with hospice and understand what you are getting into. Hospice does not support life 'extending' treatment, instead they focus on the patient's comfort as they near the end of their lives. If you and your LO want to try treatment to bring him/her back to health, don't choose hospice. If your family member doesn't want further tests, treatments, procedures, surgeries, etc. then hospice is the best choice.
If it's their time, nothing you try or do will "bring them back to health". Death is an inevitable part of life.
Mother's doctor wanted Mother placed on Hospice because he said"I didn't know you were doing everything by yourself" and he wanted to get me some help with Mother.Well,I thought Hospice meant The End and she would be gone soon,but God had another plan and she was such a fighter,she lived another 3 and a half years ON Hospice...so a doctor might think they know a person has little time,but they can be proved wrong.Maybe her doctor is trying to get you all some help.Hospice was helpful and brought all her supplies and ordered her medicine and sent nurse and a bathaid,etc. to our home and made things alittle easier that way..... I don't think it's giving up,but probably bringing your Mother comfort and you,a little help.Take good care Nikki whatever you decide. Lu
Suec1957.. Hes 81 with congestive heart failure and stage 3 chronic kidney disease. Hes also a diabetic. They can't put stint in cause the contrast dye might mess up his kidney. Upon discharged his ef is 10-15%. He was fine until he went to hospital around September complaining if trouble breathing and "tiredness ". He wasn't on IV or anything at that time. No work or suggestions to be done except follow up with doctor. His breathlessness cones and goes and he said taking lortab relaxes it. Hes back at hospital 3 weeks later from that out of breath feeling. Turns out he got a mini heart attack and an UTI that infected into bloodstream (Antibiotics wasn't working from last time) since then it all went downstream.
Average life expectancy for men in US is now 78.4 years.
Your loved one has had a few bonus years in spite of his infirmities. Cherish every month he has left!
If you think there might be something medically to be done to restore his health, seek a second opinion. But realize that we all die of something, and we all do reach a point where our health cannot be restored.
Hospice does not rush one's death. That happens when the body is ready for it to happen. Hospice respects the natural process while also providing comfort and preventing pain.
If you are a reader, I recommend the book, "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My personal opinion, I feel we see far too many families insist on life prolonging procedures when it’s obvious there is no quality of life or hope for a cure.
This is tough territory. You’ll likely get more comments on this thread. Good luck to,you.
I don't see this as giving up. The body seems to be saying what is happening. I want to make sure that we are listening.
For many conditions, there are clinical trials that may hold out the hope of a couple of extra months of life, but when you are talking about extending life by less than a year, you really need to look at the QUALITY of the person's life during that treatment, which may cause terribly unpleasant side effects.
Hospice isn't giving up, in my book. Hospice is embracing comfort for the patient at the end of a life that is limited by the ravages of an incurable disease. Better to die comfortably, if you are going to die, than in agony and terror.
We followed daddy's lead. When he was ready--he just quit eating and drinking. Hospice was a godsend and allowed him the dignified end he wished for. Would I have wanted him kept alive with feeding tubes, Iv's and such for just a few more months? Absolutely not. He had Parkinson's---a horrible way to live.
"I feel like I owe it to him to get him well." Dear one, we do not have that kind of power. People get old, sick and pass on. It is part of the cycle of life. It might help you to see a grief counsellor about this. My heart goes out to you as you are so obviously very distressed. ((((((hugs)))))) This is a very painful time, I know. The best you may be able to do is just be there with him, make the time as good as possible, let him know you love him.
You didn't mention what your loved one is suffering from, how long s/he has been sick, how old s/he is, etc.
Is this the first time you have been told of your LO's decline? Have you gotten a second opinion? How does your LO feel about going on hospice? Is s/he mentally competent to make that choice?
If s/he has been dealing with a long standing illness and treatment hasn't worked so far or if your LO is very old, weak and unable to regain health, it may be time to "let nature take its course". This would be a good time for hospice.
If your LO is normally in good health but has become sick lately, a second opinion would be valuable. You would need to find a different doctor who believes your LO would benefit from treatments.
Please make sure you talk with hospice and understand what you are getting into. Hospice does not support life 'extending' treatment, instead they focus on the patient's comfort as they near the end of their lives. If you and your LO want to try treatment to bring him/her back to health, don't choose hospice. If your family member doesn't want further tests, treatments, procedures, surgeries, etc. then hospice is the best choice.
If it's their time, nothing you try or do will "bring them back to health".
Death is an inevitable part of life.
I don't think it's giving up,but probably bringing your Mother comfort and you,a little help.Take good care Nikki whatever you decide. Lu
Your loved one has had a few bonus years in spite of his infirmities. Cherish every month he has left!
If you think there might be something medically to be done to restore his health, seek a second opinion. But realize that we all die of something, and we all do reach a point where our health cannot be restored.
Hospice does not rush one's death. That happens when the body is ready for it to happen. Hospice respects the natural process while also providing comfort and preventing pain.
If you are a reader, I recommend the book, "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande.