My Dad is 81 and lost his wife of 37 years end of May. I am his full-time caregiver and overwhelmed.
He is now talking about joining online dating he has to get back out there and flirting with the help that comes in. He cannot drive and has memory problems.
This is all new to me I work full time and want to do what is best.
Looking for tools to help me navigate this. The Dr said this is normal in men his age.
#feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
My mom goes to the Sr Center and it is almost embarassing how the women fawn over the men--ratio of like 10-1.
The women literally fight to get to sit next to one of the single men, and the married ones too. Sometimes I tease mom about her swinging singles center.
I bet he would adapt well and love it.
I see so many people getting upset that their parent desires companionship after their long time spouse dies and it breaks my heart that people forget the beauty of a friendship with someone that you care about and that cares about you. It usually comes down to the money and the elders heart is forgotten, disregarded and trampled on. Shame on anyone worried about what they won't get if their parent has a happy 2nd chance at love.
Your mom is truly blessed that you care about her wellbeing and accept that she wants and needs a companion to be happy.
I actually pray that my mom will find someone that makes her feel useful and happy in her sunset years. The loneliness is heart breaking to see.
It would certainly be good for him to have social interactions with others his age, but in a more controlled environment. If he has memory issues, likely early dementia, I would also ensure you have POAs in place and protect his assets. There are many gold-diggers who would also take advantage of an elderly man, esp if he has assets they can get their mitts on!
Bad timing at the moment for encouraging social activity. When it is safer, try Senior Centers. They often have social activities. The elder day cares are probably not going to be a good place for meeting someone, as many are in more advanced stages of medical or cognitive issues, but you could check any local ones. If he could afford AL, that would certainly open up his horizons (again, when it is safer, as many now have very restricted activities, if any.) If you/he belong to a church, once restrictions are loosened up, they might have social activities as well. Any friends who have lonely widows in the family?
Hopefully you have a Dx for him. Some men who are experiencing dementia can misread ques or just be over-sexed, which will cause more problems. Maybe he just wants some companionship, which is fine.
May I also suggest that it would be a good idea for your to attend a grief group since it appears you are still grieving the loss of dad's wife. Greif Share is a good place to check out.
You say you are a caregiver for him full time and you say you work full time. Both things are not possible.
Are you his POA?
My suggestions would be that if he doesn't already live with you, you do not take him into your own home.
That you get POA and all other papers done with him while he still is competent to do them.
That you plan for protecting his assets from himself and that you plan for his move to Assisted Living if there are assets. He may thrive there as it sounds he is lonely and looking for companionship.
Can you tell us what is in place of the things mentioned at this time?
Op said "...flirting with the help that comes in."
I should think what she meant is she is the only "care-giver" in the similar sense that I was for my mother, plus more. My mother required a lot more than some help. Even just managing everything can seem like a full time job!
If he's in the early stages of memory issues, she doesn't have to be there 24/7, and she also has "help" of some kind, but she does have some care duty and all the managerial duties as well!
I don’t mean to make light of your situation at all but I had to laugh at the flirting comment.
It was horrible when my mom fell. She has mobility issues due to Parkinson’s disease.
When the firefighters came to help her up, she was grateful and all smiles, not just for the help but because they were so fit and handsome!
Oh, the physical therapist that came for home health were extremely good looking too.
The inside joke was that mom was old but she could still recognize a great looking guy!
I told her nurse about it. She laughed so hard. She said that elderly women never paid much attention to her but let a good looking man walk in and they perked up!
Is an older person who has sign up for online dating sights it is not as problematic as you think.
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