I’m going on vacation tomorrow with my husband to Italy for 10 days. We’re so excited, but I feel awful to leave my dad who is in a good nursing home with people that I know and trust. I see my dad everyday. We’re very very close and I feel terribly guilty for going. What do I do?
How was your trip Mariavictoria? Wonderful, I hope.
He dropped dead (literally) 7 months and 12 days later. That was 3 1/2 years ago. I was left with many, many tasks that were put off...and travel plans we had that I will likely never pursue.
Do not wait to enjoy your own lives!
We also either paid someone or ensured that mutual friends visited. We ensured she had all her supplies such as Depends, toilet paper, toiletries and her ginger ale loaded up and accessible.
Sadly, she was not given her only grandchild’s telephone number as she would then constantly call him weeping. Once , when my hubby, only child and also needing much care from me, in hospital in another city, she even asked her grandson to help her commit suicide which greatly upset him. He replied “ grandma I don’t have time now for that , I’m really busy at work now! “
I wish I had this forum when I was caring for her, I learned the hard way the lessons others recommend here.
I say she trained us and we trained her as I learned to set boundaries and try not to feel so guilty about that.
She lived to almost 99 and was only in poor health for a few weeks. She was a great role model by keeping herself, her body and brain and her apartment in great shape. However, she didn’t like to “ associate with old people” which limited her life, but was on antidepressants from age 25, and had pain from osteo.
Bottom line.: put on your own oxygen mask before you put on others.
Finally, thanks to her thoughtful planning, her funeral was pre planned and prepaid, so the AL office knew which funeral home was called just in case. Whether I was there or not, she would have lived a good life,
Something my dad told me early last year: "You gotta live."
ENJOY!
So I care for my parents and am there for them like I hope my children will be there for me when the time comes, but I don’t put my life totally on hold for dad and mom.
I am back now and so very happy I took this time away with my husband and adult children. It was much needed.
My mother didn’t even realize the time had passed any differently than a usual week.
have fun and enjoy yourself
As polarbear asked, are there family and friends who can visit him while you are gone? Are you an only child?
So quit with the guilt already! You deserve this time away with your husband as your marriage and husband are WAY more important than your dad.
Have fun!!!
You really are close, visiting him everyday, what are you doing to prepare yourself for the inevitable?
No reason for the guilt, go, enjoy your time with your husband, this vacation is well earned and you need some alone time with your husband, he should be your priority in the first place.
Have Fun!
Guilt is a very useless and draining emotion. Don't play its game.
You are no good to anyone if you can't be good to yourself sometimes.
Are there any friends or relatives who you can ask/pay to visit dad while you're away?
Your dad will be fine. It's only 10 days. Have a relaxing vacation.
Enjoy! I loved Italy when we went eight years ago.