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Does the person in question really desire sex all the time or does he say he wants sex all the time? As we age, and this applies to people with and without alzheimer's, we can lose our ability to :filter" our thoughts effectively. This may just be something he is thinking about even though his desire for sex may not actually be there. If this becomes a problem, if the individual is calling call girls to the home, or propositioning everyone he fancies where he lives, or visiting strip clubs, this is a whole other issue. However, if he is just talking about it all the time, and not remembering what he said a few minutes ago because of Alzheimers, bring it up with his counselor, doctor or mental health professional. There are ways of adjusting his libido though mild medication.
Having an 88 yr. old husband with the same desires reminds me of when we first met when he was 57. There is nothing "wrong" with wanting to have sex. What you do about it is your business...
its not as easy as it sounds to deal with someone asking for sex all the time especially if they are elderly and unable to accomplish anything. It becomes nauseating and impossible to deal with and a person should not feel they have to comply.
Alexander4, I hear u completely mine is 87 and so pre occupied with sex and it is driving me crazy he can no longer do anything plus I feel nothing for him that way so he's constantly in a bad mood only because he's not getting his own way as in the past 30 something years I know he is a man but sex for me is an absolute NO because he's controlling well not anymore but with my thoughts he is he knows how to manipulate me and tries all the time but I Jyst cannot do this anymore to many bad things in the past and still comes out of his mouth very verbally bad. So hang in there and trey to put your needs first I am still working on doing this so good luck to you.
My mother ( 90, bed bound ,dementia) is going through something similar…Her Hospice nurse explained the sex drive ( or the memory of sex) can remain in the minds of these patients…We are lucky in that my mother ( who NEVER talked about sex) is pretty funny about it.. Last year she "had Obama's baby" and can't wait for him to get out of office so he can spend more time with her… She ADORES our day time caregiver's husband--she blushes when he comes to pick her up and told Agnes that they could share him… She has told me about the kisses she has with an imaginary man…that they rock the whole block…. My mother just wants to talk about it.. maybe your husband does too, Alexander4 ??
I agree with the comment about taking this up with the doctor and perhaps finding a medication that would 'tone things down'. However, I also don't see what was 'nasty' about DaveIFM's remark. As Ferris says.... thoughts of sex or desire for sex is a natural thing....and what two people want to do about it is 'their business'. Perhaps hubby would tone down with some other type of affection too.... Obviously we all reach a stage where we can no longer enjoy this activity, and it seems to happen to women sooner than men due to menopause....but there are so many ways to be close and show the other person that they are still loved and cared about....hugs, back rubs, kisses and words..... I do think this focus is 'common' in dementia, due to lack of filters and with men, we know their brain focuses on sex way more than women. I recall my Dad, in his early dementia, being overly focused on telling ME....HIS DAUGHTER, how pleased he was that he still woke up with an erection....while I was wondering....what's with him? Why is he telling ME this? I just dealt with it factually, as the RN that I am. It's passed now that his dementia is more severe, but he still enjoys hugs and kisses and being told we love him. In his first facility placement, there was an elderly woman who acted out sexually with every new man that arrived there. Caused quite a tizzy with my Mom! This women would unzip zippers and insert hands, or take off her top and make all kinds of sexual comments and try to lure men into her room. And yet, staff report she was such a lady in her life before dementia, that her family was shocked at her behaviors! I say, medication, diversion and distraction and it's likely a phase that will pass with time too.
As a medical communications graphic artist, I worked on a national Alzheimer's outreach campaign [UT Southwestern/ Margaret Higgins…BRILLIANT WOMAN] and had to 'know/learn' my subject matter…it is my understanding that this hyper-sexuality is due to the brain's regression to its primal/reptilian state which dictates sexual functionality. I also learned that nursing homes & the like have a surprising rise in STD's & assault/sexual aggression due to this. Talk to your doctor—you are NOT the first person to experience this. Vaya con Díos on your most challenging journey!
Some people need to realize that once a women goes through menopause, that having physical sex can be very painful. All the KY in the world won't help. It's just part of the aging process that most women go through. Plus meds that women take can have an affect on libido, especially if she any type of hormone related cancers.
Yes, there are now advertisements on TV regarding this very subject of painful intercourse, but those are hormone replacement gels that come with serious side effect risks such as certain cancers... now one new side effect of using HR is dementia, which totally surprised me.
Best bet is for the wife to take hubby to see his primary doctor and ask the doctor what he/she can do to lower that overactive libido.
There is nothing wrong with wanting sex even if you are in your eighties .i still enjoy it 3 or 4 times a week and I am 80 .dont listen to those ( old wife's) tales about being too old
Maybe his doctor can prescribe Paxil or another SSRI, which could inhibit his sexual drive; obviously if he is obsessed with sex, it borders on OCD and for that an SSRI is in line, but I defer to this man's doctor. It is nevertheless extremely rude for anyone to expect to have to put up with his unwanted conversations about sex. Even a wife does not have to have sex, or conversations about sex, if she does not want to. It takes 2 to tango, and only 1 to say "no" and that has to be respected by the other 1.
I have a very close friend whose husband has advancing Parkinson's. He is also hypersexual, and it is exhausting my friend. We have learned that, as Enriched has mentioned, the brain is regressing to display more reptilian traits. Also, with Parkinson's, manic-depressive episodes can be spectacular. Our friend does take the manic-depressive meds, which are weakening in effect (sorry don't remember specific). My friend also purchases porn and sex toys, but she is finished, as she is already taxed to the max with running a business and caretaking her husband and mentally ill adult son. So in summary, perhaps a physician can prescribe something. Perhaps sexual distractions?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Vaya con Díos on your most challenging journey!
Yes, there are now advertisements on TV regarding this very subject of painful intercourse, but those are hormone replacement gels that come with serious side effect risks such as certain cancers... now one new side effect of using HR is dementia, which totally surprised me.
Best bet is for the wife to take hubby to see his primary doctor and ask the doctor what he/she can do to lower that overactive libido.