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We are both in our 80's with different needs...my huband already has short term memory loss but is as nimble as a mountain goat. I am physically frail but at this time only use a cane and get regular cortisone injections. We have put in a chair lift (for me) and also have a CapTel machine for the hearing impaired (also for me), I feel we have taken good pro-active steps for now. We love our home and he is adamant about not leaving so we need to look into layers of care coming in. We already have a cleaner, a mower, and a gardener...everything else we can manage. I tease him and tell him he is my body and I am his mind.

I can SO relate! We're still in our home, too. My husband will be 95 in a couple of months. He's still pretty mobile (with cane) although he has some short-term memory and aphasia issues. So far, I (87) still have most of my marbles, but my mobility has been reduced by a deteriorating spine. I still drive and do our grocery shopping and errands. We also have a housecleaner and yard maintenance service. Our former handyman died in an auto accident 2 years ago and we haven't found a reliable replacement yet. That's a problem.

Assistance of any kind has become harder to find since COVID-19.
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Reply to ElizabethAR37
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Appreciate your posting. Elizabeth and I not the only ones I think approaching age. I am 82 and my partner is days away from his 84th. We are all doing the best we can, and always cognizant of what may come in terms of losses, always trying to figure how to negotiate what's best for us so as to remain independent and not in the care of children we do not intend to burden with care of their elders. In all truth my son-in-law just had his 70th BD? At some point, if you had kids early, you are the blind leading the blind.

Thanks for posting.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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ElizabethAR37 Aug 21, 2024
Our youngest son will be 63 soon and recently married a lovely woman who will turn 65 in a couple of months. So, they aren't exactly kids. Both are still working F/T at demanding jobs. That may be the case with a lot of families on this Forum. The last thing my husband and I would want to do is become an albatross around their necks. Although we will probably need their input and advice as we continue to age, we hope we have done sufficient planning so that we will never be a burden.
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To address your dilemma of finding an assisted living for two ….They do exist by me anyway, some apartments even have two bathrooms and two bedrooms .,

But my suggestion is if you find one that you find acceptable , ask if you can be on a waiting list . Where I live they have wait lists and if your name comes up and you aren’t ready yet , you can decline and they will offer the unit to the next person on the list . This way your name eventually is at the top of the list when you are ready. Again if you aren’t ready even when you are at the top , you can decline and they can skip you to the next on the list . This can be as long as you want it to be until you are ready .
Ask if that is available by you . By me it’s typically a refundable deposit to be on the list . You can take yourself off the list any time and get your deposit back .
If you live there the deposit is applied to first months rent .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Assisted living facilities for a husband and wife are very common and not at all hard to come by where I live in NC.
In fact we have several really nice ones in the city I live and several more in the surrounding areas.
You typically have to get your name on a waiting list for the nicer ones, so I would recommend doing that sooner than later. And if one opens up and your still not ready to make the move you just tell them you're not ready right now, and you will continue to stay on the list and they will continue to call you when a spot opens up.
Best wishes in getting this all figured out before you actually need it.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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They are out there but you might hire someone who specializes in helping you
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ElizabethAR37 Aug 21, 2024
That type of help is what we would probably call on the Geriatric Case Manager who recently did a needs assessment for us to provide.
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There are ALs for couples. Mom had couples in her AL. My SILs parents went into one near Atlanta. Hebhad ALZ, she didn't .
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I cannot imagine why you cannot find this. Many ALF have two room places so that you can have more room. And many would be glad to speak to you are costs when there are two of you. This would likely be something where the cost in rental of the second person is more or less halved, but the cost of course of level of care would be separate and individual.

You might consider working with a service such as A Place For Mom.
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