My father is in a care facility. He has been there 4 months. He complains about the food all the time and is now refusing to eat which is causing weight loss. I have eaten in the dining hall before when I visited in my option, the food is not bad. He wants food he is not supposed to have such as greasy, fatty foods. His nurse says he has also become obsessed with his weight but refuses snacks and etc. when they offer it. But he will eat snacks brought by me or his friends. My concern is the weight loss. He even told me that they told him that he might have to have a feeding tube. I checked with two of his nurses and they said they have not told him this.
Is there one or two foods he does particularly like that you might get him to eat?
I can usually get my Dad to eat a peanut butter sandwich or some scrambled eggs even if he won't eat anything else. Or fruit cups.
About two years before his death, he weighed about 138 lbs, and ate only bread, salmon, cheese, cookies, and ice cream. He then turned against salmon and cheese then eventually he refused bread and cookies and would eat only one bowl of vanilla ice cream and maybe 3 ounces of orange juice per day. Very little water. He lived surprisingly long on this diet. I would say six months and he had several terminal conditions on top of dementia. He was losing like half a pound to a pound per week. He went into home hospice 4 months before he died. By the end, he was only 103 lbs and looked absolutely skeletal. Bones of his face standing out, arms and legs like twigs, ribs in front and on back clearly visible through a shirt. Barely has the strength to stand.
We tried every protein shake, ensure, Gatorade, smoothies, purreed foods, mashed potatoes, that stuff called Thick-It, soups, broth, root beer floats, pudding, custard, candy, etc etc. he did not want any of them. Only the vanilla ice cream. I think the dementia affected his sense of taste. He also sometimes had trouble swallowing. At one point the dr told him his body was digesting muscle to survive. That didn’t bother him. If anything, he seemed to like that idea. There was just no point in fighting it.
If I had to do it over again I would urge him less. It was his life. Even with dementia.
My personal opinion — no way would I advocate for a feeding tube for a 79-year old unless he actively wanted it AND there was a plan to wean him off it and a way he was going to go back to eating.
best wishes to you. It’s hard.
Years ago I was using a "whitening" toothpaste and after a week or so I noticed food didn't taste good anymore. That worried me, so I tried to think back if I didn't anything different. Then had a light bulb moment - the whitening toothpaste.
I stopped using that toothpaste and went back to my regular, after a week my taste buds were back to normal... whew !! Who knows, maybe it is something as simple as toothpaste, mouthwash, Tums, liquid medicine, etc.
he had a health scare and found out his heart was slowing -London heart hospital said due to years on doctors tablets ( aspirin !)
anyway
I don’t know if there was any connection with the underlying health issue found but certainly seemed to have a connection. In hospital he ate the food to. It appear rude then back home started the fussiness again.
we then found out he had a mouth ulcer ? And doctor gave him antibiotics
after that he started eating normal
he woukd say he’s not hungry but we just made smaller meals and ones that didn’t have anything hard
mash with cut up pie and beans - small portions and he ate it. Then we moved onto better meals small portions and cut up and now no problem
please have the doctors check your father out
I am sure ours were down to the heart and mouth issues
in meantime we supplemented his diet with small meal replacement drinks
one I found on Amazon and later was told was actually prescribed to patients by doctors so with speaking to his doctor
good luck because I know how frustrating and upsetting it can get.
Limiting any foods when weight loss is of a major concern is just a mistake. What’s the medical diet prescription from the MD? Why are greasy fatty foods limited? Is it a medical issue? The difference between vegetable fats and saturated fats is a wide range. As a dietitian for the aged population, calories do matter. Give the patient foods they enjoy. Dessert first if calories matter! Patients need choices! Special diets can be refused in an institutional setting, but can be documented in the record. Hospital and nursing homes do not produce appetizing options most of the time. Give this patient what he wants. Stop all the little control measures. Autonomy is a right for any patient.
My husband was at home, and ate less and less as his health deteriorated. I did not worry about whether the foods he chose to eat were good for him, I was just glad he ate something. His last day of eating, he ate four bites of the pizza he had requested, and was satisfied.
While the food in the dining hall may have been satisfactory to you, the older we get, the more salt we want to bring out the flavor, and I will bet that salt isn't even offered. So, while it may have tasted okay to you, he might find it very bland.
I wonder if he doesn't like to eat alone or with strangers, so when you or his friends bring him snacks, he eats them because he is with people he knows.
Just a few random thoughts.
My dad just decided to dislike food one day, I was freaking out!
I decided to give him “milkshakes”
high calorie boost, frozen fruit, strawberry or orange syrup and a scoop of protein powder
it has kept his weight up and he likes them
In my opinion, give him what he wants, let him be happy
maybe ask him to eat or drink his calories during the week and on the weekend you could take him his guilty pleasure food
i know it’s hard not to worry and even lose sleep, there are a lot of hurdles to get through and some of them aren’t in our control
take care
My daddy would not eat his favorite food that I would make and I had made since I was 12yo. He called it poison and he would pick and choose what he wanted. Example: he wanted two chicken nuggets, two broccoli sprouts, two cauliflower sprouts and fried potatoes - so if thats what he wanted for each meal - not a problem at least he ate it. He also would not eat his favorite dessert which was chocolate donuts. He also called them poison. So I figured it was the medication and just gave him what he was asking for. Easier than arguing. Blessings and prayers for your trying times!
It is good that you've discussed with medical providers there.
His behavior / feelings could be from:
* he is depressed.
* he doesn't swallow well (ask facility nurse/MD)
* He doesn't smell 'anymore' - so no interest
* He could have digestive / bowel issues
* He is lonely and only wants to be with you / take food from you (for the company).
* It is hard for any of us to give up foods that taste good = fat, sugar.
* The key seems to be you bringing snacks that are both caloric and as healthy as possible. Try bullet or blender drinks too. (yogurt, bananas ... and add much more (perhaps cocoa, vitamins (in liquid form).
* He may not (and may feel bored) have enough distractions to focus on other things - can you encourage socializing with others, reading books or looking through magazines, watching a movie on a portable DVD player?
* The obsession could be due to how his brain is changing.
See if you can assess what is behind his behavior / thoughts / reactions.
Google "Picky with food at 79" and see what comes up.
Gena / Touch Matters
Here's dad's attempt # 1,531 to snooker you into taking him home with you. By refusing to eat. So be it, dad. If you choose to starve yourself (totally doubtful), then there's nothing I can do to force you to eat.
I'd continue bringing him snacks, as usual, then ignore the blatant manipulation techniques.
Now he says he is eating again. As I said on an earlier reply, I have to let it go before I have a stroke or heart attack because he is never satisfied.
It is true that the elderly eat less and sleep more, but Dad's obsession is likely more a part of his general aging and his reactions to being in care.
You know Dad, it's always SOMEthing.
Ignore it.
Maybe stop bringing him snacks so he doesn’t fill up on those. Remember elder = toddler. Just like a two year old he won’t eat his meal if he fills up on something else.
He use to drink Ensure and Boost but now he does not want it either. He says it upsets his stomach.
I think he is doing this on purpose to make you worry . He is a mentally ill abusive man . Don’t even get involved . If he wants to starve himself , let him . I have no patience for abusive manipulative people like your father . It’s his life , if he wants to starve , so be it .
Also alot of elderly slowly give up and don’t eat . Everyone leaves this world somehow . Either way it’s his choice to not eat.
My mother in her elder years also became the fast food queen . I brought it once a week . She got used to the food at AL , stopped complaining about it . Then as time went on , she admitted to not being very hungry anymore anyway, which is common as they get older .
This is what eating disorders are all about, not about being thin, or looking good. It's about control. When my life is out of control I , control the only thing I have left and that's food. Sence joining this forum I will say , I've gotten my control back and gained some weight. Which is why I joined because my old habits of not eating where coming back. Your dad is not in control of his life anymore, so he is controlling the only thing he has left.
At 79 years old please talk to others on this forum about feeding tubes, from everything I here they are horrendous.
I will also say that , not eating will very likely be my way out of this world, and I hope those around me accept that.
Also Alva often says that older people need little nutrients to keep them going for an extended period of time.
I'm wondering, have you tried eating meals with him. Sometimes that helps. Not that you should feel like you have to be there at every meal , just wondering if he eats better when your there. It makes it more automatic and less thinking about the food.
Have they tried any meds? An anti anxiety med or a appetite booster?