My dad told my mom he cheated on her before they were married and had a kid. She asked were there other affairs and he said yes. She believes everything he told her he did. But when he accuses her of cheating and tells us she’s cheating and with who, we aren’t supposed to believe him. She says you can’t believe anything he says about her. But she says she believes what he tells her he did. I just want to scream at my mom. Why is she picking and choosing what stories he tells to believe? She said that she no longer believes in their marriage and that their whole marriage was a lie.
Do dementia patients lie about their own actions? How to I help my mom understand and believe she can’t believe anything he says?
Her reality is our reality, but we know it isn't true. With dementia patients, you have to take what they say with an ocean's worth of salt.
This helped me-- http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf
It might also be worth bearing in mind that you weren't a witness to these times and can't actually know the truth of what happened. Could be we are all blissfully ignorant of episodes in our parents' lives that we'd rather not know about - but you're not likely to get the real facts from your father at this point, either.