I am the last of my “family unit.” I grew up as the youngest of a family of four. Mom, Dad, older brother and me. My father resented us kids and was jealous of the time we took with “his wife.” He was verbally and physically abusive to all of us. My brother and I were both beaten on an almost daily basis by him. We never knew what to expect and never felt safe. As we got older, my brother started taking it out on me too. I spent as much time as possible in my room alone. Our father also never let an opportunity to go by without embarrassing us as much as possible in front of our friends.. I tried to never have friends over. I was just too embarrassed by my family.. although I was 10 when I realized that not everyone got hit every day like us.
Anyway, my brother became an alcoholic and an addict, he never held down a job and his wife and kids lived in our family home without paying any rent or anything to my parents. I did my best to get out and stay out.
When I left my husband and took my daughter, we moved closer to home because my mom was always there for my daughter and I. (On a side note, my father was the first and only person to hit my daughter.) When she was diagnosed with severe ADHD and on the Autism Spectrum, my mom and I discussed it and thought it would be better for us to move home and for me to cut my work hours so that I would have more time with her. I was working 60+ hours a week at the time. I dreaded having her anywhere near my father with his anger issues, or my brother with his alcoholism and drugs, or my niece who was taking after her father at 12 years old. I did my best to keep her away from all of that. We were there for only 4 years. Thank goodness!
Flash forward to recent history. My brother died in his sleep in 2017, my mom lost her battle with leukemia in 2019 and my father just passed this September. I moved in with them after my brother passed to help them and to make sure mom was ok. I stayed for my mom. Not for him.
Everything was left to me. My niece and nephew are now suing me for money that my dad left. They are trying to say that I coerced him into changing the paperwork to make myself the major beneficiary and decrease their share.
I am floored by their selfishness.. in addition, how do you explain to such selfish, self centered people that there is no way you can coerce the man that emotionally and physically abused you your entire life?
I tried explaining to my niece how bad it was when we were young, shortly after my brother passed. She yelled at me that I was being mean the Grandpa. She used him as a cash machine. Two weeks after he was gone she started asking about the will.
I actually felt bad telling her that my father didn’t want her to have anything. He didn’t like her. He laughed at me and said that she would be my problem, he would be gone!
Any suggestions, thoughts?
Have been in such a depression, more over the finality of the loss of my brother and mother. I haven’t really missed my father at all.
If you can afford it have a lawyer look at the will to make sure it is air tight. She probably has no case but it doesn’t hurt to have a lawyer look at it. I can’t remember the name of the type of lawyer you need, they take care of documents etc after someone passes.
I would cease all contact with the niece and family and please have no more conversations about this with her.
hugs, it is is time to move on and gain peace for yourself
Do not accept any more abuse and get help to get rid of it from your life - Step 1 you have recognized the problem. Step 2 Get Help
Kath
Secondly, you MUST consult an attorney as soon as possible to protect your new assets and to honor the will. Oh my goodness, you wrote that you are being sued by niece and nephew! This lawsuit can destroy you even though you are innocent. You must get professional legal help immediately. Your relatives sound like bad trouble and that they just won’t quit, no matter what the will says. Let an attorney handle all communication with them, it will shut them down where if you try to reason with them, I can envision they just won’t quit and will harass and hound you for years. An attorney won’t stand for that, so let your attorney do all communication.
Change the house locks! Also: Security cameras are so easy to set up, and you can be alerted to unexpected activity by looking on your phone or tablet. Protect your inheritance by keeping video (web based, I use and love RING cameras and the fact that they automatically keep video for at least a couple of weeks for you) of your property. I bet your devious and entitled relatives might decide to break into the house and trash through everything looking for an older copy of a will (which may or may not exist) so they can prove they are owed something and that you coerced your dad to change the will and rook them out of what they think they’re entitled to.
Finally, I hope you will consider this step: go to a therapist for one or two sessions to learn how to shut down ANY back talk from your awful relatives. You can practice not speaking, not reacting when they taunt and accuse you. I read in your post that you keep trying to explain to them that you couldn’t influence your abusive father even if you had wanted to. You aren’t going to ever make your relatives see the truth, so STOP TRYING. The back and forth and trying to get them to understand will never work and will only make you sick. You must learn to not take their bait as it will make you mentally or physically sick. A therapist can role play with you so you can handle NOT reacting to niece and nephew, even if it gets to having to face them and their lawyer in a court of law. You must reflect poise, self confidence and self control.
Your daughter needs you to be mentally and physically healthy, so you have got to erase your niece and nephew from your lives as soon as their lawsuit gets thrown out.
I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you.
It's best not to tell others stuff because they won't believe you anyway.
Whomever is on the Will can be given a copy.
If your nice and nephew are not on the Will, they would still get part of their parents inheritance if their parents are dead.
You do have up to 4 yrs to probate.
if you want the nice and nephew to move out of the house so it can be sold then you will need to probate the Will..
It can take from 6 months to a year to probate a Will but longer if you have people contesting.
Your Father's will was how he made it. If it didn't name grands as heirs, so be it.
If the greedy grands wish to waste their time & money trying to money-grab, get a lawyer & let the legal people handle it. Walk away from them.
A previous work colleague had similar. Outlived parents & sibling, entitled niece & nephew came sniffing. Even broke into the recently deceased's empty house to pillage. Didn't lift a finger to help when alive but hand out grabbing when gone was how they were described. Said they'd sue but don't think it got near a court - no case. Now estranged. Shame. Could have had a good relationship with their Aunt... but chose not to. Even said since Aunt had no children it would all come to them one day anyway.
But no. Aunt drew up a watertight will to ensure they will not.
Redmso, leave your niece & nephew behind. Sometimes it is necessary. I hope you can move forward & enjoy your life. You & your daughter. You get to choose who to call 'family' now. May you find uplifting, caring & generous souls 😊
Perhaps you could tell her that once mom died, he had to rewrite it because he originally left everything to her. When he rewrote it he left it all to me as his only surviving child. If you think he should have left you something, be mad at him, not me. I spent an entire life not being able to influence what he did, so you can bet how he wrote his will was entirely his own doing.
If niece wants to be mad - be mad at him. And she should be glad for the things he gave her money for while he was alive.
If your father did not make a will, I imagine that his grandchildren will have some kind of claim on his estate but I haven't a clue what. You'd better take legal advice and make them a sensible offer.
I don't quite understand how you only stayed for your mother, but then stayed living with your father for a further two years after she died. But I'm sorry for all the loss and grief you've had to bear.
For example, when X dies with 3 living children and 1 deceased with 2 children: child 1, 2, 3 get 25%, 2 grandkids of deceased child get 12.5% each.
But you have to read the will and see exactly how it is worded. If those horrible kids deserve a share according to the will, pay them off and never talk to them again. If the will says they get nothing then give them nothing. And never talk to them again.
Then you should take some time to recover from all this negativity and pamper yourself a bit. Maybe get some therapy so you can rebuild your life and take good care of YOU.
As to anything else I would no longer have any relationship with any of them. To me, blood is NOT thicker than water. I only have relationships with good and decent people. Life's too short. Wishing you the best going forward and hope the New Year is good.
No, grandkids are not 'usually' left money by gparents, although, of course, it happens. Usually IF their parent predecease the gparents and the portion of the will that would have gone to the parent is split amongst the remaining grandkids (kids of the deceased parent).
I know if my MIL lives longer than my DH, and that is probably going to be the case, I will inherit nothing. My 5 kids will split my DH's third.
This may be the end of any relationship with the family, and you know what? Maybe that's OK. If it was all about money in the first place, you're better off.
Since your Dad left everything to you and brother was not in the Will, I really don't see where a lawyer would see that the grands should inherit. You may need to at least consult with a lawyer if u don't already have one for probate.
Consult a trust and estate attorney.
Good luck.