My mom thinks her deceased parents live in our former family home. She often says "let's go back to the house, my parents are there." I was thinking about sending her a christmas card and maybe letters signed by her parents. I thought it might make her feel better. Is there any harm in it?
I'm not sure it is always wrong to "pretend" that what the person with dementia believes is real. And even to make up evidence for the belief. I think Carol did a good thing for her Dad.
In this case, my only concern would be if this causes Bailey's mom to be more adamant to see her parents. I don't know how you could predict that one way or the other. Bailey, I think your instincts are correct, to try to get into your mom's world and give her pleasure there. I guess the question is, how likely is this to backfire?
You can read Carol's article here: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/playing-along-with-dementia-realities-121365.htm
Prime example: my uncle was pretty deep into dementia when my father (his brother) passed away. We insisted he be told, thinking he had a right to know. Big mistake. He was so far into dementia that he would forget something you told him and ask about it again 5 minutes later. Telling him his only brother had died caused him pain when he was told - then again later when he forgot and asked about how his brother was doing and then he'd say, "Oh....did he die? He died, didn't he?" and he'd be sad all over again. Worst mistake we ever made was telling him that Dad had died. He would have been far better off if we hadn't told him at all.
If your mom wants to believe her parents are still living, let her - but I wouldn't advise promoting the delusion any further by giving her cards signed from them. If she happens to have a few moments of lucidity and remembers they are gone, the cards can only cause confusion and pain.
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