My friend has been told by her ENT and cancer docs that she is at end of cancer care. Current symptoms are bleeding from mouth area, nausea, and dementia. Due to long history of mouth cancers, she has been on a feeding tube for years. ER doc and hospitalist recommend home or residential hospice, or maybe skilled nursing. She wants to be HOME. Her 76yo partner cannot lift her.
Recommendations?
I always think it's cruel to ask elderly spouses to administer morphine in these situations. I have a friend in her 80s who will never be convinced that she didn't kill her late husband with the last dose she gave him. For that reason alone, I would recommend a facility with trained people administering medications.
Personally, I think it is very selfish of her to expect her partner to care for her at this stage in the process. I imagine that the partner has been through enough, and deserves some consideration.
I vote for a facility.
Its time to let common sense and proper end of life medical care prevail.
Facility.
This is problematic for certain. I think Hospice will not allow home care without 24/7 care. They did not for my friend late last year, and even tho she hired friends CHEAP (20.00 an hour) she was over 250.00 a day in paying them, plus food brought in. It was enormously expensive.
I would think that hospice in facility care may be the only option. I don't see how the hubby can otherwise do this.
I am so sorry for this unhappy news for all involved.
My dad was being discharged with hospice in Jan 2022, during a bad COVID wave. I initially prepared to bring him to his home, about 10 miles from where I live. Several issues made me change my mind. I would largely be alone, since my brother lives 6 hours away. He and his wife proposed us all taking weekly “turns” at dads house. I realized in that scenario, I was one mishap away from not getting a break… they have car trouble, get COVID, etc resulting in them not being able to come.
I also had to factor in I was newly post op from a 2nd shoulder surgery (and missing rehab due to dad’s illness), and have a back that tends to go out. I doubted my ability as a 110 lb woman to care for a 200 lb bedridden person.
We ended up using his money to pay for a small reputable care home, with hospice visiting there. They thought he had a few weeks, but ended up passing less than a week later.
Another interesting thing with paying for the care home…. He passed in the wee hours of the morning Jan 4. They gave us ZERO refund on the rent. His belongings were cleared by that afternoon and they could have rented to another patient. My lawyer wanted to go after them, but I had no fight left in me.
The Hospice Team will come in several times a week. A Nurse will be there at least 1 time a week, a CNA would come in to help bathe at least 2 times a week. the rest of the Team comprised of a Social Worker, Chaplain would come at least 1 time a month.
She can request a Volunteer to come in 1 time a week, the Volunteer can sit with her and or she can ask for help with household chores.
Medicare, Medicaid and all other Insurance will cover Hospice in Home.
The cost of Hospice in an In Patient Unit is not covered and would have to be paid for unless it is for Pain or Symptom management or Respite.
Of course they will supply a Hoyer lift if needed to lift her, and any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications all covered 100% under her Medicare.
And like already said a nurse will come once a week to start, aides to bathe her at least twice a week and a social worker, and clergy person coming once a month to start, again all covered 100% under her Medicare. But more than likely outside help will need to be hired to help in her care.
She can also go to a hospice home for the final week of her life, and that will also be covered 100% under Medicare. Now if she outlives that week, her family will have to pay out of pocket for her to stay there.
I do know that the hospice homes are quite beautiful and peaceful and she will receive great care there until she dies.
Hospice will still come if she's in a nursing home, and do what they'd do in the home, but it's not quite as nice of a setting as home or the hospice home. That's my opinion anyway.
My late husband too wanted to die at home, and I was willing to do whatever it took to keep him home. He was completely bedridden and under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life.
I had to hire an aide to come in the morning to put him on the bedside commode. And because he was under hospice care for so long, I had to stay on top of things to make sure he was receiving the care he deserved.
I hope and pray that your friends final days will be as peaceful as possible.
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