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I will be looking for another place but they are asking me to pick him up.


My dad was admitted into a VA hospital due to his Dementia. His cycles are get worst and I am no longer able to provide the proper care. The hospital is ready to release him, but I need to have surgery in a few days due to neglecting my needs to care for him nearly a year, now. I can not bring him back to my house. I will be looking for another place but they are asking me to pick him up so what do I do? He is unable to come here, and I no longer have the space.

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You do not have to resign your POA and you do not have to take him home. The hospital is OBLIGATED to plan a SAFE DISCHARGE that will provide your Dad with the care and safety that he needs. If he still requires care and you can't do it, then they can admit him for short-term rehab or long term care. You know it is so frustrating and is really starting to get my goat how the "Institutions" try to fob off their responsibilities in order to protect their financial interests. Yes., Healthcare is up in the are right now due to our wonderful political system and their self serving objectives and it is us, the real people who suffer and whom they try to use to absorb what would otherwise cut into their profits and healthy salaries. DON'T BUY IT! Tell them they have to find an alternative for a SAFE DISCHARGE. As his POA you have a right to INSIST on it!! They have no legal right to leave him to your care if you do not and cannot accept it. They should have planned for his safe discharge from the start. I can go on and on about the travesties and my own experiences, but you need to PUSH BACK! They don't count on that - they count on intimidating people as though everyone is dumb. Tell them you will contact the office of the aging and report them to medicare/medicaid who provides significant funding... THEY and their Social Workers need to find the best alternative for your dad, with YOUR CONSENT AS HIS POA. Been there - it is infuriating. Keep records and I hope that you can take care of yourself in the midst of all of this. Good luck with your own healthcare needs and God Bless and may be look after your Dad and his interests.
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Under no circumstances, let them intimidate you! Thinking about what COULD happen, that was one of them.
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The hospital should have him admitted to a nursing home if you cannot take him (which you absolutely can't!). You need to be firm. I know it seems like you are abdicating responsibility or something by saying "no" but you aren't. You are helping him. Stay strong and don't bring him home. They will have to do something. Meanwhile, look for the home where you want him to be and get on their list.
Best wishes,
Carol
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I agree with all above about standing firm and refusing to be railroaded into an unsuitable placement for both of you. I don't think many of us would have the experience or knowledge to navigate the "system" and take advantage of the loopholes and requirements. I learned! I delayed my Mom's discharge twice, once from skilled nursing/rehab and once from a general hospital following surgery. Both involved Medicare appeals, because that will buy you at least 24-48 hours before they can be moved. In any event, you can't take care of your loved one if you can't take care of yourself... It's just really hard, and it's really wrong that we have to be wary and defensive and fight the "System" when we are at our most vulnerable!
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The hospitalist should have your LO admitted to an NH when a Medicare rehab bed becomes available.
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I agree with CTTN55--REFUSE to take your Dad home. A few years ago, my 89 year old Aunt fell and cracked her pelvic bone. 3 days later the hospital was going to release her. 1. She was unable to walk. 2. She lived alone. 3. My Mom's health would not allow her to take care of my Aunt. and 4. I am single and have to work to pay my bills. I just said NO. There isn't anyone to take care of her. She needs to go to rehab. I mean I had to get a little nasty to be heard but I was heard. They transferred her to rehab, where she remained 3 weeks. Don't let them steam roll you!
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Tell them it is not safe for him to go home with you. They are required to find a home for him. A home would have to accept him if coming from a hospital after a minimum number of days stay (I believe three days). This is not an option if you take him home and then try to get him into a home from there. If you get push back tell them you will contact the Joint Commission on Hospital Accreditation (The commission) to find out what your options are.
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Pamstegma- why should the POA be resigned?
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With Medicare I believe you can appeal the discharge order but that only buys you about 48 more hours. Stand firm and insist that the discharge planners at the hospital (case manager or social worker) help you find an appropriate placement for your Dad. Good luck.
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The VA social worker should help. Do not be bullied. Tell them he is homeless now because his condition worsened. In my state, they have to keep him until housing is found or send him to a rehab facility. However, most rehab facilities do not accept dementia patients bec they are hard to deal with and most are not trained or prepared for that. Your surgery is important. Take care of yourself. You can not care for anyone if your own health is compromised. All the best to you and your dad....
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One of the best pieces of advice that I've received from this forum is to not let hospitals release patients to situations that will overburden caregivers. If my mother falls and lands in the hospital, I am not going to agree to take her home. She doesn't live with me, so I will stress that she lives alone and that I am NOT available to help her. I'm sure my mother will be begging not to go to rehab (because my father died in a rehab facility), saying that she wants home rehab, but I will stress to them that there will be NO help for her at home. I was put in a situation of being her post-injury caregiver two years ago, and I will NOT repeat that.

I am aware (thanks to this forum!) that the hospital staff will try to guilt me into agreeing to take my mother home (and my mother will probably chime in!), but I am going to stand firm. I will tell my mother to call my brothers to see if they can come down (they are states away) and take care of her in her condo, because I will not be able to do that.
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The VA hospital will have a social worker on staff. Tell them your situation and possible solutions. Is there a VA nursing home near you? If he is eligible, he can be moved there (if there is room). Best wishes on your upcoming surgery.
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As mentioned here, I strongly agree with telling the hospital you can no longer care for your dad and that you cannot bring him home. This would have more leverage if you happen to be having your surgery at the same hospital from which he is being released. If you can't care for him, then you just can't and he'll need to go elsewhere
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Most definitely the case manager and social worker should be in loved with his release. And his future care will be determined. Perhaps a rehab if not placement in ALF. Bring someone with you to the hospital to discuss this with them so that you both can hear what's being said. In your stress you might not remember all that was said or discussed.
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I don't understand why the VA hospital would release him, if he was admitted for dementia.
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I agree,speak with social worker and his hospital case manager. In August,my husband had throat cancer surgery; the docs were ready to release him from icu to home. I had spent the week there observing,taking care classes. With the encouragement of those on this forum,i spoke to both and surgeons case coordinator. He spent a month in a rehab facility,came home to speech therapist and twice weekly nurse. Just on Jan 1 was he released from nurse service and hes doing great! Had i not pushed the issue at the hospital,he would have been released home. They are concerned with whether or not they are able to help more,free bed for th o se they can help. Please press the issue with staff or you might both end in need of care. Your road is a tough one as i care for MIL with rapid progressing dementia while we had two young children. Care for yourself first.
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I am in the same situation my mother is still in hospital for Dimensia, I told the social worker about my permanent health issues , the other siblings never did there duty and disappeared now. I told the social worker about my health problems wich is permanent, she is now dealing with the matter. The hold up there is that my mother don't want to go to a home. I must look after her no matter
My illness. I just told the social worker to get her assisted living
While she is in hospital.
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You simply tell them you cannot take him. If you are POA, resign your POA.
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