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My husband has hydrocephalus. His dementia comes and goes. Sometimes he forgets how to use the TV remote, his cell phone, etc. He also has problems with dizziness, headaches, occasional incontinence. But, somedays, he is almost his old self. I worry about leaving him alone, even for short periods of time. He has long term care insurance, but I don't know if he is bad enough off to use it

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What is your "line in the sand"?
For me it was SAFETY.
I told myself that if it ever became unsafe for me to care for my Husband at home I would have had no option but to place him in Memory Care.
By safe I mean safe for him and for me.

Can you get a caregiver to come in and stay with him for a few hours a few days a week? If you have a caregiver on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9 to 4 for example you can schedule your doctor visits, shopping, lunch out with friends and other things during that time.

Is there an Adult Day Program in your area that he could go to a few days a week? They typically pick up in the morning and bring participants back in the afternoon and provide Lunch and a snack.

These would be 2 options to think about before placing him in AL or Memory Care (one might be better than the other depending on when you decide to place him)

The other thing to check would be how long will the LTC insurance pay out? If he does not use it will it be transferred to you if you need it? If not and he does not use it will this revert to a Life Insurance so that you get money back that you paid in?

Grandma1954 07/23/23 10:11 am
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In the name "assisted living" there is the word "assisted". That's when you need to go - when they need assistance. If a person should not be left alone then they need assistance and the safety that goes with it.

I did not know this until some months ago when my father went in to assisted living but these facilities provide not only a 24/7 environment of assistance they provide a whole quality of life experience that is beneficial to the resident. Not everything in my father's place is great; there's certainly a loss of privacy for example, but given the alternative of living alone it's fantastic. They have all kinds of therapies, activities, field trips, sing-alongs, games, etc. but you can also just stay in your room if you like or watch tv in one of the lounges with new friends. It's sort of like a medical resort.
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If he’s in AL, he’ll need additional caregivers. I have an elderly friend with moderate dementia, but even she does remember how to use the phone, remote…

Your husband’s dementia is more advanced. Might need MC.
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Isthisrealyreal Jul 2023
Sorry, I totally disagree that his dementia is more advanced. Much of what she described is symptoms of the hydrocephalus. Hopefully, that is being treated.
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Would you consider getting a 2 bedroom unit and moving together? If so, I'd do it now. You can enjoy some time together without all the stress of taking care of a house and all the chores, etc.
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