So many things Jacqueline Marcell says are so accurate and she says to put on the emotional shield to deflect the behaviours. I agree except that I already know that if I get upset with mom after repeating myself for the 16th time on every single solitary issue that comes up during the day, mother will get upset and we'll have a downward spiral that goes on for days. So, I pay the price for showing ANY frustration or lack of patience at all. It's really hard to not let anything get to you - bitterness, resentfulness - I actually think I do pretty well most of the time but eventually, I just am worn out repeating the same things over and over and over and over and over and now, putting on the emotional shield just means I am to be perfect ALL THE TIME and never, ever let any of this get to me. I'm really scared and alone. I can't just walk away for a few minutes b/c mom can't be left alone. I can easily see myself having a stroke and where will that leave her?! I just needed to vent this morning, I guess. Sorry
Its weird too because if you give them an answer they are looking for, sometimes they will settle right down. I still laugh when I think of this one story...
We went to the hospital to visit a friend of ours. There was a guy in the bed next to him and he was fussing with the nurse how people were stealing things from his home and he had to get a cab to get home. I apparently wasn't behind the curtain divider completely and he started yelling at me, "Miss! Miss! I NEED TO GET HOME!" and he started cursing, etc. Well, I started with the obscenities with him saying how I couldn't believe those dirty SOBs would rob him and what a bunch of ***** etc. He got this big 'ol smile on his face and asked, "So the cab should be here soon?" I nodded yes and it would take him home to deal with the *****'s that were at his home. We exchanged a few more "pleasantries" and he calmed right down. He was quiet the rest of the night. Think of me what you must, but he was fine after that.
I guess when its a parent that's close to us its harder to be creative because it is so frustrating. For me personally, I have no patience for those close to me. I'm a work in progress. Thank God I don't have to be perfect because I'd be in permanent failure.
Thanks everyone for all your sharing! This is what gives me strength!
Keep coming back and sharing your story, knowing we all have bad days, we all are imperfect and that's just being human.
Carol
I'll be the first to start a chain -
Austin is perfect because she sees everything perfectly and tells us what she thinks!
Granny is going through a "denial" stage right now - she was diagnosed with cancer and had a partial mastectomy in July. She has refused treatment and wouldn't even say the C word until last week. Now she is back to I am just not thinking about it - it doesn't exist. I don't understand why this is so difficult for me, but I am just setting up that barrier that you talk about. I have to be up when I see her and just continue like normal. I pray A LOT!!! She has been angry with me and short with me for the last few weeks - and yes, you are right - it gets so difficult to repeat and repeat and repeat! Sometimes we argue over the dumbest things - she just knows I am wrong about a date or whatever.
Hang in there - and I hope you get some time away to regroup - I always need that when my kids are on my nerves and when Granny is on my nerves!!!
Laura
try respite care. We all need time alone and away. Without it I would surely not do wellat all. Not that I am great even with it. We are not perfect and it's okay. We just do our best. Sometimes I am pretty patient and other times I feel like if she says another word I will lose it.
Cindi