He is 86 years old with dementia and many more health problems. He has been found to be medically incompetent by his doctor and APS. I have two companion caregivers besides myself that take care of him the majority part of the day. He refuses to go to a nursing home. He is very aggressive at times and has threatened to shoot one of the caregivers. He is getting worse everyday and I am concerned about his safety as well as the caregivers. I have a POA and a medical power of attorney. Is there any way I could have him placed into a nursing facility?
As a POA, talk to Dad about new living arrangements and then to his doctor about his acting out and maybe a temporary anti anxiety medication to use now and when moved in, until he gets used to his new surroundings.
You are the parent now, be matter-of-fact, respectful and firm. Include in your talking the support of his doctors/by name and caregiver's concern. Keep your cool and steady business tone of voice. Come with a plan and 'this is it'... stick to it. Write down the moving agenda, with brochures/picture and Make-It-Happen.
You don't have time for emotion when you're protecting your loved one. Get them placed so everyone involved can breathe again.
I think the worst part is the guilt the POA feels and tries to get input from the one who needs to be cared for.. remember: THEY ARE NOT MAKING RATIIONAL DECISIONS ANYMORE or Cannot Remember what they may have said in the past.
You know what's right and what's wrong... when you do right, there is no wrong or guilt. Hugs!
Whether he has a UTI or not, even if you get that cleared up, it won’t cure the dementia. All it did for my mom was tone down her combativeness and penchant for hitting, gouging and pinching everyone.
The way you place him is to tour facilities. If he’s not already on Medicaid, file for it for him. An alternate solution is to wait until his next “meltdown”. Call 911 and have him Baker Acted to a psych ward and call your APS case manager. Tell them you cannot and will not bring him home. They will have to find a place for him.
I had to laugh
“Whether he has a UTI or not, even if you get that cleared up, it won’t cure the dementia. All it did for my mom was tone down her combativeness and penchant for hitting, gouging and pinching everyone. “
Thats all?! I would think whatever came next would be easier to handle for both the LO and the caretaker.
Does your father have a gun? If so, you must have it (or bullets) removed from his access.
Start with the UTI. If you can’t get him into his doctor, try an urgent care. Tell them you would like a culture in order to get the correct antibiotic to treat the UTI. If the initial test is positive for an infection, they will generally do the culture anyway.
Sometimes a doctor will let you bring a urine sample in for testing.
People are often surprised at how radical a UTI can cause a loved one to act.
If your fathers current behavior is not typical of him I would highly suspect the UTI.
You sound like you have your hands full with trying to work and take care of grands.
In order to force your father into anything, you may have to file for guardianship.
As has been mentioned, many facilities would not want to deal with him if he is violet. They are not equipped.
if you haven’t already had him tested for a UTI, please don’t discount that as the underlying problem.
Go over his meds with his pharmacy. With so many health issues, he may have incompatible meds.
Let us know how he is doing and what works to get him settled down.
You have your father's permission, through the POAs that HE gave YOU, to act. Your father's doctor and APS have both determined his legal incompetence. Your father is no longer able to make decisions for himself. His challenging behaviours make him a danger to himself and others.
These factors mean that every single box has been ticked. All that remains is for you to find a memory care unit or dementia care facility appropriate to his needs and start the admission process. You already have all of the authority that you need to take these steps.
So... have you looked at facilities near you?