Mom recently came home from a mild stroke, she is mobile with her walker and has short-term memory loss. That being said she is 24/7 care and I have moved in as full time caregiver. My brother's are 2 hours away and I occasionally will need to run errands or have my own appointments. Mom has a great group of friends thru church & quilting. I'm wanting to send out an email to those who have in touch with while she was in the hospital asking if they would be available sometimes possibly on short notice with Mom or a planned afternoon with her. Just not really sure how to word it as I don't know them well, just said hello at church functions, erc.
Come right out and ask them for what you need. If I were you I'd bring in some regular hired homecare that will guarantee you a certain number of hours off per week, on the same days and the same time.
I think it's best not to rely on a person's friends or acquaintances to do homecare for a sick or needy LO.
Tell them that it is an awkward question for you and they are not under any obligation to help, you are just trying to create a village to help you help mom and thought her friends would be a good starting point.
It is okay to ask and whatever they each decide is okay too.
Best of luck putting the village together for you and mom!
But if she's going to need help toileting or much of anything else, use pros.
She does reside in a NH at this time, IDK if she will ever be able to live alone again--it's been 9 months and she's not a lot better.
We have a sign up sheet that goes around each week and other sisters (or couple, if both know her well enough, but it's like 90% the women who go).
We sign up for a specific time and date and the family transfers that to her 'calendar' so she knows that someone is coming to see her that day.
9 months this has been going on and likely will be much longer. Her family gets a break--and we get to minister to this sweet woman.
We also gets emails if there were not enough people signing up. But on any given week, she sees 10-12 people.
Visits are 1 hr, IDK if I could handle longer ones--so your mom will need to have people who are very comfortable with her.
So--yes, I think reaching out to people who know her is good idea. So often we say "let me know what I can do" and we never hear anything back. You'll find out quickly who is serious and who is just 'saying it'.
Good Luck with this.
This is a website where you can create a site just for your mom. This way you can post how she is doing and struggles you are having. There is also a page you can list things you need help for and they can sign up there. Probably not good for last minute needs but her friends would probably love to step up and run errands, bring meals, and maybe sit with her for a short trip out. It has categories you can put your needs. Just like facebook, you make it a private or public as you need. I keep ours private and only those I invite or otherwise give permission can have access.
Since they have already reached out to your mom, they likely will / would welcome an email from you. Introduce yourself. "XXX is my mom. Thank you for reaching out to her when she was hospitalized. I wanted to ask if you'd be able to xxx (visit her... whatever you want to say here). ... Please call me to discuss and thank you in advance. My mom will appreciate anything you can do.
Gena / Touch Matters
I could help you write it although I believe I cannot provide my personal information here on this site.
How to word it?
* Be concise
* Use bullet points
i.e., "xxx your mom's name) needs help with XXX.
Please call xxx (my daughter) to coordinate.
* List possible hours / days. Possibly list hourly fee (or 'call to discuss')
You could start off with "since you were in touch with my mom while in the hospital, I want to ask if you could help me out, or provide referrals. My mom needs some home care now... then list bullet points.
If a flyer or index card posting, create with tear off tabs.
Gena / Touch Matters
To get an occasional break, have you ever considered adult day care and the mind enrichment that can occur?
There's nothing wrong with reaching out to your Mom's friends. You have to start somewhere.
The main thing is to let them know that you are not asking for favors but are willing to pay them. I have done the same thing and pay $20.00/hour even though a couple of of my sitters have said that they didn't need that much or that they wanted to do it as a ministry. That's all well and good but in the end, if you want someone to be consistently willing to help out, you need to make it worth their time. I think that's only fair, so I pay them anyway. No one has ever turned down the money. It doesn't have to be awkward either - just handle it matter-of-factly.
If anyone is interested, I would invite them over for a short while so they can see where they will be and what they will be doing. Make sure they know that if they don't feel that it would be a good fit, then no worries.
And most importantly, pray about it - ask The Lord to send the right people and He will!
An example of what I might send out:
Subject: Sitters for Mom
Hello -
As most of you may know, Mom has recently returned home after a mild stroke and I have moved in with her to provide care.
She is currently doing well and yet requires an escort when walking with her walker.
Because she cannot be left alone, I am in need of sitters who can come and stay with Mom for a few hours (whatever days and times) while I run errands and take a break for a little while.
I know that she would also enjoy spending time with you and your company will most surely do her good.
I will be paying ($00.00) per hour as compensation for your time.
If you are interested, or know of someone who may be interested, please let me know.
Thank you for your ongoing prayers and kindness on behalf of my Mom.
Does the Church use bulletins in their services? If so, maybe a note can be placed in the bulletin asking if anyone would be willing to sit
with Mom so you can run errands. This way ur not putting her friends on the spot. Or maybe the Minister can make an announcement.
The problem you have is you chose to move in with Mom before you knew what was involved with caring for someone who is 24/7 care in their home. Too much for one person. If Mom has money, maybe hire someone a few days a week, a few hours a day, so u have time to yourself. Ask brothers if they can visit for the weekend so you can get away.
You need to hire whatever outside help is needed to keep your mother safe.
she has a group of women folk she did stuff with when dad died. I called and let a couple of them know our plans. If they ask, I make a suggestion (ie take her to eat at the diner).
if there’s a change in caregiver, I let them know. If I’m taking a few days away for biz mtg or get away, I let them know. They do what they can. Mom gets to visit and they are happy to be able to support as her friends in the way she needs today.
" Visiting Angels" who may meet some of these needs. First,get the PCP input on what level of care one should be qualified with to be left alone with a 24/7 needs patient.
Yes, you need to have time to be away, out for self care , errands etc. Get proper consistent in home help established now. You don't mention other " family" ; if there are other family members this may also need to be a part of the conversation to enlist a schedule of " sitter help" from among your mother's biological family members.
However, overall I am a bit worried by your saying you have moved in to do 24/7 care, because this is only the tip of the iceberg. Can you tell us just a bit more? You age and are you retired? Do you have other family? Is there any other support in the area in so far as family? Have you left a job, and how will you support yourself? This is looking like 24/7 care for decades. Is there a plan of care and a shared living expenses that has been worked out with an attorney. Are you her POA for medical and financial and do you feel capable of that and of this 24/7 care without placement.
Sure wish you good luck ongoing.