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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I ran myself into the ground supporting and caring for my father. I turn 65 in one month. No job left. No money left. All I have is faith and exhaustion.
It is not your responsibility to financially support your parent and your siblings are not required to either. If all this is too much for you figure out what you can do and only do that. Then either you or your parent arrange for outside help. If that is not available, then placement is required. Why is your parent not taking responsibility for their own care? Or were you and your siblings their retirement plan?
Ask away, but don't expect anything from it. They already stuck it with you and will want to keep it that way.
Get your Father placed and get a job. You must realize by now that quitting your job and sacrificing your life and money was a mistake. Don't delay in getting out of this ditch, if your Father owns his home, he can get Medicaid and they will put a lien on it. Nobody will inherit anything, including you.
Get an Elder Lawyer to help you get Dad into a Medicaid paid SNF/LTC facility. While waiting, get a job of some kind...even fast food pays $20 an hour. Home Depot and Walmart also hire seniors. Otherwise, who will be supporting you next?
You apply for Medicaid to get dad into a SNF when and if your siblings refuse to spend their life savings supporting dad. I'm sorry you left yourself in such a position and waited till you were out of money and jobless to ask for help. I had a very hard time finding a job at 62!!
It’s quite straightforward to “ask”. The “answer” will probably NOT be “sure thing, how much do you want”. Your real need is ‘how do I force’. And the answer to that is "you can't". It's time to start thinking about an affordable future both for you and for father.
Faith won't buy groceries and neither will exhaustion. You moved in here at age 63 and some. Did you already live your life in a manner in which you saved nothing throughout your life, and had no assets of your own? Because if so, moving in with Dad was more or less living off of him if you were not receiving any payment from him, nor any help from brothers? Am I right?
The sad truth is that in the USA it takes a solid lifetime of good choices, hard work and good luck to save for retirement. Now you are at retirement it is too late to think about how you can get money for retirement. It certainly won't be from the bros. At 65, retirement age, it is a little late to think about ever saving for retirement. Social Security isn't enough, and if you haven't been working, haven't received any salary to speak of for many years then your decisions to put yourself in this place were very poor decisions.
Dr. Laura has a saying that not everything can be fixed. This cannot, for certain. It is clear that any hope of siblings helping you in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, either physically or financially, is not going to happen or would have happened ALREADY.
I do not know if you have been living with your father and off his Social Security and in his home. I do not know if your father OWNS this home and has willed it to you and you alone stipulating in the will that the brothers, who did not particpate in his care, will not get anything. I do not know if Dad can be kept now in the home until his death; if not, his care will eat of the proceeds of his home either before or after death.
You have put yourself in a very bad position and now are at the age of retirement. I hope that you health is good. You will be working, I do believe, until your own death. The only remedy I can think of is your getting a job in Extended Care Facility, and attempting to work your way up to a position that pays a decent enough salary to live on.
I hope others have some ideas for you, but that's the best I have to offer. Step wasting you time on the brothers. It is too late to bargain with them in any way now, and likely always was a hopeless thing to do.
Really feel for your situation. Lay your cards out on the table. You don't have the money or resources to keep up with caring for your father, therefore, the state will be stepping in. In fact, even before you tell them, start the process for your own sanity. Do the computer thing. You will definitely find something of interest on handling the situation. If your siblings care at all, they will step up on their own but definitely go through with the state aid because *any* help at this point from them will only help you and your father. Good luck.
I’m sorry for the situation and sorry you’ve not better supported yourself. Do not expect financial assistance from your siblings. Time to look after your own health and finances. Your dad’s decline will sadly march on, no matter what. He likely needs professional care to keep up with his needs. One 65 year old cannot sustain this. I’m sorry it can’t be different or better, but it’s not on siblings to change it
Sibs did not help me either while I was caring for my mother and eventually my sister. I held a job and was in college while doing caregiving and maintaining the family home. I didn't own a car. So, I took public tranportation. One thing I continued was my training in areas that helped me secure a job.
Check with your local university to see if they offer any free certification programs for job training. Also, plug in with the Dept. of Employment Services in your area.
There should be food banks in your area. Sign up for social service benefits.
Also, have you considered early retirement? You can still work while drawing your social security. If you are not full retirement age, there is a limit you can earn. Once you reach your full retirement age, you can earn as much as you want.
You are eligible for Medicare if you've signed up three months before your sixty fifth birthday.
I took early retirement because my job was outsourced in 2020 three months into the pandemic. Employers were acting crazy during this time and started laying people off. I was terrified and didn't know what was going to happen or what I was going to do. I hadn't looked for a job in almost thirty years. I got terminated via Zoom since we were in lockdown. I'm still working part time as a Home Health Aide which started out as a side gig while I was working full time. It's been less taxing on my nerves since I get a chance to rest in between cases. I am planning to go back to work full time eventually. I'm sixty-seven. Trust me, it will work out.
Please take care of yourself first and foremost. You can sign up for Medicare online if you haven't done so already.
Everything else I mentioned can be done online also.
Hire an elder law attorney. Your state will have a Bar Association phone number and you can ask for a couple of referrals. After so much time of not getting any financial help from siblings-odds are high it ain’t gonna happen. Now, it’s time to get good advice for your father in applying for Medicaid-each state is different in this regard, a competent lawyer who specializes in elder law should be able to help with this. Just because they’re specialists, does not mean they charge more. My siblings did not help me financially while I was caring for my mother with end stage cancer. My husband has dementia-no help of any kind from his family. We have an elder law specialist, who has been very helpful.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Get your Father placed and get a job. You must realize by now that quitting your job and sacrificing your life and money was a mistake. Don't delay in getting out of this ditch, if your Father owns his home, he can get Medicaid and they will put a lien on it. Nobody will inherit anything, including you.
Get an Elder Lawyer to help you get Dad into a Medicaid paid SNF/LTC facility. While waiting, get a job of some kind...even fast food pays $20 an hour. Home Depot and Walmart also hire seniors. Otherwise, who will be supporting you next?
Good Luck in getting this situation fixed.
Good luck.
You moved in here at age 63 and some. Did you already live your life in a manner in which you saved nothing throughout your life, and had no assets of your own?
Because if so, moving in with Dad was more or less living off of him if you were not receiving any payment from him, nor any help from brothers? Am I right?
The sad truth is that in the USA it takes a solid lifetime of good choices, hard work and good luck to save for retirement. Now you are at retirement it is too late to think about how you can get money for retirement. It certainly won't be from the bros.
At 65, retirement age, it is a little late to think about ever saving for retirement. Social Security isn't enough, and if you haven't been working, haven't received any salary to speak of for many years then your decisions to put yourself in this place were very poor decisions.
Dr. Laura has a saying that not everything can be fixed.
This cannot, for certain.
It is clear that any hope of siblings helping you in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, either physically or financially, is not going to happen or would have happened ALREADY.
I do not know if you have been living with your father and off his Social Security and in his home.
I do not know if your father OWNS this home and has willed it to you and you alone stipulating in the will that the brothers, who did not particpate in his care, will not get anything.
I do not know if Dad can be kept now in the home until his death; if not, his care will eat of the proceeds of his home either before or after death.
You have put yourself in a very bad position and now are at the age of retirement. I hope that you health is good. You will be working, I do believe, until your own death. The only remedy I can think of is your getting a job in Extended Care Facility, and attempting to work your way up to a position that pays a decent enough salary to live on.
I hope others have some ideas for you, but that's the best I have to offer.
Step wasting you time on the brothers. It is too late to bargain with them in any way now, and likely always was a hopeless thing to do.
Lay your cards out on the table.
You don't have the money or resources to keep up with caring for your father, therefore, the state will be stepping in. In fact, even before you tell them, start the process for your own sanity. Do the computer thing. You will definitely find something of interest on handling the situation.
If your siblings care at all, they will step up on their own but definitely go through with the state aid because *any* help at this point from them will only help you and your father.
Good luck.
Check with your local university to see if they offer any free certification programs for job training. Also, plug in with the Dept. of Employment Services in your area.
There should be food banks in your area. Sign up for social service benefits.
Also, have you considered early retirement? You can still work while drawing your social security. If you are not full retirement age, there is a limit you can earn. Once you reach your full retirement age, you can earn as much as you want.
You are eligible for Medicare if you've signed up three months before your sixty fifth birthday.
I took early retirement because my job was outsourced in 2020 three months into the pandemic. Employers were acting crazy during this time and started laying people off. I was terrified and didn't know what was going to happen or what I was going to do. I hadn't looked for a job in almost thirty years. I got terminated via Zoom since we were in lockdown. I'm still working part time as a Home Health Aide which started out as a side gig while I was working full time. It's been less taxing on my nerves since I get a chance to rest in between cases. I am planning to go back to work full time eventually. I'm sixty-seven. Trust me, it will work out.
Please take care of yourself first and foremost. You can sign up for Medicare online if you haven't done so already.
Everything else I mentioned can be done online also.
My siblings did not help me financially while I was caring for my mother with end stage cancer. My husband has dementia-no help of any kind from his family. We have an elder law specialist, who has been very helpful.